Most Difficult Words For Me To Say To A Lover

I do not fall in love easily and I’ve only said I love you to three different men. One of those is my current husband who I have been remarried to for three years now. Yes, I’m a glutton for punishment. This is our second try at marriage.  He was my first love, but while we were apart for ten years, I had two others that I said those words to. 

My current husband, I met when I was 15, but we didn’t becoming a couple until I was 18. Within 3 months he told me that he loved me, but it took me over a year to say those words back to him. By that time, I was living with him for a year and I was pregnant with our first child. If I remember right I was 7 months pregnant when I finely said them back to him.

The second was a rebound, I mistook lust for love. I had been separated for 3 months from a bad marriage. He appeared to be everything my husband wasn’t. Within the first month he told me he loved me and I returned it. Pretty quickly after I married him, I realized my mistake. The marriage only lasted a year.

Then several years later, I met someone that I thought was amazing. I loved him dearly, but our kids didn’t get along and it ended up being a big mess.  I still communicate with his kids. His oldest and my oldest have recently made amends to each other for all their fighting and have become friends. A little too late, but that is life.  Sometimes things happen for a reason.  It just wasn’t meant to be.

Maybe I’m just emotionally handicapped in the love department. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I am. I’ve had a lot of men say those words to me. When I don’t return them, they are hurt. Then the whole dynamic of the relationship was changed and in turn I would end up ending things.

A lot of women and men that I have met seem to fall in love often and quickly. I can’t help but think that they are mistaking lust for love. 
RhombusInTheSquare RhombusInTheSquare
41-45, F
6 Responses Jan 12, 2013

I I have been in 4 relationships, all lasting at least 2 years. They have moved quickly, and I fell fast and hard for all of them. I wish I could be more like you. Reserved and little held back. It would have saved me heartache, pain and regrets. But at the same time I am who I am and just sometimes the fall is worth the crash.

Been there done that except the marriage part. I've mistaken lust for love. The ex bf I was madly in love with or so I thought. STarted out as lust and then turned into love but it wasnt returned. Now I'm holding out for true love....you now the kind where you're friends first and it turns into something else...a deeper more spiritual connection?

I know what you mean by that deeper connection. Both the men that I know that I love started off as friends.

And thats why I adore you Terra....you get it and you're just AWESOME!!

Awe, thank you Carelicious, I happen to think you are pretty awesome too.

I love many, but have never fallen "in love" til now. It's not going so well.

That is a way to put it. I'm not reluctant to tell friends and family that I love them, but I'm reluctant to tell a significant other that I am 'in love' with them unless there is no doubt of those feelings. I'm sorry things are not going so well for you. ((hugs))

I am coping. Thanks for your comfort and friendship.

I "dislike" your comment only because its not going so well :(

Caramelicious, I will be okay in time... Thanks.

Yes, you will as time heals all hurts.

2 More Responses

There are all kinds of love. And I used to be more reluctant to say i love you..but i do share that with phrase much more frequently now, especially with friends. People in our life that are there for us, and help us when we really do have a problem, are very important. and so i tell them I love them, because i do. They matter to me, and have mattered to my daily life. their willingness to be there for me, has made a huge difference. Love isn't just about romance.
When saying, I love you, does involve romance, I am careful, to save that phrase, for the time, that I am sure about my feelings.

I do share those words among friends. I was more referring to romantic love. I do feel that when it comes to romantic love, one should be very careful, because to say those words and not mean them can be very hurtful eventually.

My mom always told me to only say "I love you" if I meant them. I followed her advice and have only told 2 men I loved them. One was my ex and the other is my my current husband. My ex said them to me and I said them back after we had been together for about 5-6 months. My current and I lived together for well over a year before I said them to him and he had said them to me at least 6 months before I did.
I meant it both times I said the words. And when I stopped feeling the words, I stopped saying them. My hubby and I tell each we love each other at least 3 times a day and show it even more. Our kids roll their eyes at us often!

You sound like me, except for I didn't have anyone that told me such things. My father who I idolized, wore his heart on his sleeve and was hurt often. He always told me that a smart person learns from their own mistakes, but a wise person learns from the mistakes of others. Perhaps, I learned from his mistakes and chose more self preservation.

I've never been too quick with those words either. I do agree that I think lots of folks think that first wave of lust and infatuation are love. That can wear out pretty fast too....Better to wait and enjoy what is going on in a relationship and avoid labeling it true love forever and ever...... until it's made it over some of the bumps in the road. I've only ever told K I loved him...... I waited over a year too.....I meant it and still do. :)

I totally agree. It is better to enjoy that beginning where things are lustful. When that passes, then one can discover whether there are deeper emotions. It's then when those little details about the person become apparent that were unseen by the blindness of lust.