Speak No Evil

There's so much I want to say to people but know I can't. I don't tell the people in my life how I really feel because I don't think they'd care. Nothing would change so why bother? All it would do is cause them to think less of me. At times I feel like I have so much bottled up that I might explode. It's like it's boiling up inside of me. But I'm the quiet one, the one no one expects to speak up. and if I did I'd just be disturbing the natural order of things. People I know make jokes about me never showing any emotion but the truth is I'm not allowed to. I would love to be able to just pour my heart out or go off at the drop of a hat, but I can't because no one would want to bother with me if I did. I'm also afraid of what I might say. I've had friends say some really hurtful things to me when angry and although they sometimes apologize, I never forget what they said and it changes things between us. I don't like the idea of putting something out there and never being able to take it back. On the plus side, all this keeping silent stuff has made me a pretty good listener. I just wish I could speak freely without worrying about any potential repercussions.
TrulyLost10 TrulyLost10
22-25, F
5 Responses Jul 28, 2010

Don't worry. Don't assess things too much. Just open up. Everything's gonna be fine. Just open up. Best thing is to join a speakers' club like Toastmasters. I 'm a part of one such club at my place and believe me, it's fun. You don't know. You 'll have so much to tell and share. And people actually listen to and enjoy what you say. So go open up. Break free your barriers and show to the world that you are very muh alive. Open up, the world's definitely gonna love you. Trust me! You can do it.

I would keep telling people because although many don't infact most don't. However, one day one person will. He will be special and then telling all the others won't mean a thing. Because the special one will have made it all worth while.

well it kinda makes me feel a bit better knowing that I'm not the only one that wants to say what they think. everyone seems to come to me about their problems and I listen, but the one time I need to talk, no one wants to listen or I'm over reacting. I get so frustrated. I think that's why I spend so much time crying alone. I've tried to change and speak up but some how the conversation goes from me talking about my problems to all of a sudden now we're talking about their problems. I've shut people out of my life because it's almost as if I've stopped caring about everyone else. why should I care and listen to them when they can't listen to me.

you said "I never forget what they said and it changes things between us." I have been feeling the same way for a long time, but now I know what's wrong with me. some people know how to forgive, forget and move on with their lives. i guess they learn it from their parents in their childhood. if you never forgive people, you get stuck at a certain point of your life, which will only hurt you when others move on to other friendships/relationships easily. it hurts even more when you discover how easy it is for them to forgive people and not take anything personal.