What Is It That I'm Doing Wrong?

I'm twenty years old. I'll start off with that and eighteen years ago, my parents divorced because of my mother. My mother is... well, bi-polar and will scream and hit you then come back three seconds later telling you she never did it. She did this a lot to my father and kicked him out when I was just a baby. They divorced and my mother was convinced he cheated on her, even though he never did.
I grew up and only saw my father almost three times a month; pretty good for a divorced kid but, still not perfect. When I was still growing, I wanted to go see my father all the time and my mother hated it; she always bad-mouthed my father, lying that he did horrible things to her none of which were true.
I became a teenager and finally told my mother I wanted to move in with my father who now had another marriage, a house and a very stable career. My father insisted I move in with him, saying he would never hurt me like my mother did. So, at sixteen, I left my mom's and moved in with my dad and his wife and step-son.
Everything wasn't perfect but, it was so much better than my mother's house for the two years that followed until I turned eighteen and got a job at McDonald's. I met my husband there and we had began dating in August of 2010. My step-mother and I started having really heated arguments that turned for the worse almost all the time. She was very jealous my dad would spend time with me and apparently, not her. I told my dad it was okay and that a simple 'hello' everyday would be enough to have him in my life.
In September of 2010, my dad and step-mom said we were going to the beach for the weekend. I was so excited. My step-mom's cousin, [insert random name here], goes to college down there and my step-brother wanted him to come over. [Random name] came over with a beer pong table in hand, laughing with my step-mother and telling her that they were all going to get wasted that night. Having never played beer pong and thinking it would be fun, I wanted to join also.
My dad, step-mom, her brother, [dude] and I played beer pong until one in the morning until the adults went to sleep. It was [dude] and myself playing while my ten year old step-brother looked on, trying to steal drinks. I was already tipsy, saying I wanted to quit but, was told by [dude] to keep playing.
Needless to say after my step-brother went upstairs to go to sleep, he sexually assaulted me while I was trying to sleep on the couch. I never told my father.
I was so upset with myself for not being able to leave that room. I pushed a lot of my anger out on my dad and step-mom and didn't realize it. My step-mom and dad were getting angry with me and not knowing what I was doing, I was getting upset right back.
I was leaving to go on a date with my boyfriend and told them good-bye when my step-mother stopped me and told me that I wasn't allowed to leave because I had gone to the hospital that morning with a really bad stomachache. She was getting into my face and I tried walking away but, she pulled me back and i told her to '**** off'. I walked out of the house and told my dad I was going when my step-mother came running outside, yelling and screaming, saying I hit her and that I was running away. My dad stopped mowing the lawn and came towards me with anger. I jumped into my truck and he ripped my shirt and cut my hand open trying to get my keys. I finally was able to push him off and drove off towards my mothers, meeting my boyfriend half-way and showing him the open wound.
Four months later and having no word from my father who wanted nothing to do with me until I apologized about leaving his house, I went to the police and sat down with an officer and wrote out the police report about [dude] and what he did to me. My mother called me, asking where I was and not quitting until I told her. When I did, she freaked out and called the entire side of my dad's family and scared them half to death.
They made me go over to my grandmother's where my dad was sitting, looking at me with disgust until I finally told everyone what had happened. My dad stood up and walked away, only coming back a few days later to my mom's house to scream at me and call me a liar and threatened me that [dude]'s parents were hiring a lawyer and were going to sue and send me to jail. After showing him the police report and the video my step-brother took on my phone with [dude] spiking my drinks, he walked away and wouldn't talk to me again.
It's been a year and a half now that my father refuses to speak with me, even though I call and text him often, asking how he is and hoping to go and get some lunch, just to see him without my step-mother. I absolutely hate my step-mother and I use the word 'hate' rarely. I'm not sure if someone could hate another person so much after everything she has said to me and done.
I got married three weeks ago and asked my father about four times to please come and that it would make me happy. He never replied back. He never showed.


I guess what I'm asking is for advice to help me get over my father since he doesn't want me in his life anymore. I only come to that conclusion because he just never talks to me whenever I reach out to him with an olive branch. I feel like giving up and it's so hard to write this knowing that it's possible I will never be able to speak with my father again.
I guess I'm writing this also for some knowledge about what my father's thinking, if that's even possible. I want to know that if I did something wrong, tell me what it was. Tell me how I can forget my father and put the happiness behind me.
Thank you for reading and any advice you can give. Simple words are always the best and I apologize if this could be described as a short novel, lol.
-Mrs. Reyes
Laania Laania
18-21, F
May 23, 2012