He Doesn't Talk to Me Much

My relationship with my dad is quite odd. He has this personality that is so 'every man for yourself' that my family can hardly stand him. He is selfish and only cares about himself. He looks at people as tools to achieve goals.

Though he's never really been physically abusive, I have one of those crystal clear childhood memories of him losing his temper and shaking me. It was the only time I can ever remember him doing something like that, and it's generally not a very remembered thing in my family... well, my mum & sister have mentioned it in recent years. But it's looked at as just one of those weird things that happened. I guess if I can owe anything to him, it's that he was never always like that. He didn't hurt me physically, but there were plenty of times his words cut deep. Even worse would be the fact that he'd pretend he didn't know he'd said anything offensive. I think sometimes he might have actually not known, because he can be so clueless. But he's also manipulative. So maybe he's just pretending.

My mum and him split up only awhile ago, thank God. Of all things, he got a huge addiction to ebay and spent a lot of our money. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But that wasn't the biggest problem; it was just what sent my mum over the edge, I guess. In the end she would've been a fool to stay with him.

We moved out one time, and when my mum struggled fiancially, moved back into our old home with my dad (yep. He got to keep the house). We stayed for all of a year, then his spending got worse, and his weird sulky moods where he wouldn't talk to any of us or would be extremely grumpy (what was weirder was the fact that the next day, he could be overly cheerful).

My mum suspected he was spending more than ever before, even when he denied he was buying anything. So she got me to log into his ebay account, and we printed the 'evidence', which was purchases increasing with each month. He didn't work either, so my mum felt like he was leeching off her for spending money.

She confronted him and he tried to deny it. But when she said she had proof, he couldn't play that game anymore. Because she mentioned I had helped her log into the information, he immediately blammed me, and hasn't talked to me much since we moved out again. It's weird because he chats with my other sister plenty, but hardly awknowledges the fact that I'm there. It doesn't hurt me though, because I know he's just being childish for blaming me on what is ultimately his f'ck up. For a grown man to blame his own child for something like that is just ridiculous, and is, in all honestly, what a lot of my childhood looks like. He's more like a spoilt older brother than my father.

He isn't always obvious about not talking to me though. My mum went over to his place recently to drop something off and came back saying he'd mentioned having a birthday present for me (my birthday is later this week). It surprised me that he bothered, but it's no doubt something he felt obligated to do. For christmas he gave my sister and I money, and apparently finding my sister harder to buy for I guess, nothing else, but me, two secondhand dog books (when in doubt what to get me, that's usually the easiest way to go, LOL). So I'm not expecting this present to be much more than that. And I'm not expecting our strained relationship to change anytime soon, nor do I want to. All he ever does is make comments about the smallness of the backyard we've been forced to have, and so weird things like leave the toilet seat up whenever he uses our toilet (which he NEVER did at OUR house. It couldn't be more obvious if you ask me).

I've long given up trying to explain the complexity of his nature, but this is a tiny peek.

FateCantDecide FateCantDecide
22-25, F
Mar 24, 2009