I Plan On Cutting Ties With The Fam

i wish i didn't have to do this. i am so scared. still as frightning as the thought is at the same time it's stress releaving. i know it's confusing, but that's how i feel. scared, confused, yet i know deep down it's the right thing to do for myself and my spiritual growth. not to mention my own sanity. i think the reason why my family all mainly see me as a person they can mistreat, gossip about, steal from, redicule, ect. is because they have witnessed my mother redicule me infront of all, put everyone else's feelings before my own. i think when i mother shows everyone else how much they hate their daughter/son it gives some sort of permission to everyone else to see that person NOT as a person but a target. a punching bag to release stress, or anger.

she has never defended me, and when i've defended myself she attacks me and rewards whomeever (family member/cousin) attacked. with either money, cloths or some material thing and to top it all off she'll join in on attacking me. consoling my attacker and rewarding them at the same time.

everyone in my family now is practicly begging me to go and visit my family back in south america but i always respond in the same way. NO! they don't respect me, they steal from me, gossip, make fun of me. i have no friends there and hardly know my way around there. i have no business over there. i rather stay in the country i was born in. atleast if i get harrassed or muged i have no family ties to my attacker so i could heal alot easier, cuz there is no emotional wounds when it's a complete stranger. lol.

i need to leave. i will never heal until i leave. they just won't allow it. they always end up picking at a scab that was on the healing process. it's impossible with them. i hope that GOD guides me into the right direction. i know he will if i keep my faith in him alive. i've been thinking on turning my fb page off as soon as i move out. restarting another one. only have positive people in that one. ofcourse it will only be a few people but i rather have a few positive people surrounding me than a bunch of negative people which is what i have now. i won't delete them just incase i ever need to get back in contact with them.

when i picture my life in this new light i feel so happy. i feel at peace.

i have changed so much. maybe once i belonged in this family but not anymore. i have learned from my experiences. i have matured. i'll be ok;)......i just need to get myself away from these negative people that do nothing positive for myself. it will be very scary at first but then again if an orphan can make it so can i. some people never know what is like to have a family and go out to live wonderful lives. i know what is like to have a family and am aware that atleast in my family things are far far from being filled with love, support, no. not my family. they don't know nothing about loving eachother, nor supporting eachother. the only thing they know how to do is be jealous, critisize, gossip, steal from eachother. that's not a family. atleast not for me. i don't need those people "family" in my life. i'm leaving. i'll be scared and frighten but i'll be ok. in the end i know it'll be worth it. the risk is worth it, if it results in my happiness and peace of mind.
veronica4ever veronica4ever
26-30, F
May 17, 2012