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Nobody Deserves To Be Abused In Anyway For Any Reason

I have seen many questions and comments on domestic violence against women.I really think that it's pathetic and out of ignorance that one would say that another human being deserves it because they stay and put up with it.

First of all..nobody deserves it just as nobody deserves any kind of abuse.

 Anyone can sit there and say.."I would never put up with that! or "I wouldn't be that stupid or weak!
Yeah..right!If one hasn't been there..they have no idea!
If one has gone through it and was able to just get up and walk out..good for them..more power to them!
It doesn't mean that they are any stronger or any better than those that don't or can't just get up and walk out.If they were any stronger or any better..they wouldn't have gotten themselves in that kind of relationship to begin with.Those who haven't had to go through an abusive relationship are also no stronger or better.It just means they were lucky and good for them!

 Most of the time..one doesn't get to chose who they fall in love with and I doubt that anyone says"I'm going to get myself into an abusive relationship and live happily ever after!

And when two very young people fall in love..most of the time the abuse never starts until many years later.Sure..there are cases where it starts right away..but not always.Even as adults..sometimes the abuser hides that part of themselves for awhile.

 Many woman stay because they are scared..many fear for their lives or their children's lives because they have been told by the abuser that if they leave..they'll be killed.
Many think that they won't be able to make it on their own..ecspecially those with children.It's not easy being a single parent!

There are many reasons that one might stay in an abusive relationship and it really doesn't matter why one does.

What does matter is that as I said..nobody deserves to be abused in anyway.

ayankee ayankee 46-50, F 14 Responses Feb 20, 2010

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Im in abusive relationship. Im so broken and cant believe this is happening to me. He makes me feel that its all my fault. That im a piece of ****. I really think that hes bipolar or something. He has alot of issues like Add, aDHD , OCD and anger management problems. This is my second marriage and I feel like **** about this. No woman deserves to be treated like this.

I think verbal abuse is just as bad and maybe even worse than physical abuse because you have no way of defending yourself from it. I have endured so much verbal abuse from my husband who is dying and who I am the sole caregiver for and yet he seems to want to destroy every bit of self esteem that I have before he leaves this world which will not be long from now. No one will believe me that he does this to me because he is not the same person to them and they could never imagine him being this way. They would simply not believe it.

Anytime Anandadas..again..thanks for all your comments!

It's so sad isn't it when people don't actually put their kids first. They are the ones that get the most damaged when there is abuse in a relationship. I know the answers aren't black and white, I wish they were but I hope one day people will become more aware for the sake of the kids. They say kids are resiliant but the real hardcore damage doesn't show itself until they are adults most times. So if people are in abusive relationships then for the sake of the kids something has to be done, no question of tolerating the abuse then, really that's ones duty. We all need a magic wand...lol! I don't mean this in a snobbish way but some people just don't have the intelligence for understanding what abuse is cause their everyday life involves ranting a raving, and swearing at their kids even out of there house to call their kids in. I'm thinking in my mind of one family where the mother would scream at her kids to come into the house by swearing plus calling her kids names little "little bastards" and the things I saw were gobsmacking but must have been the result of lack of intelligence. I would love to see them change. The couple have 6 children who are....well you can imagine. <br />
ayankee thanks and you take care too!

Yeah..I do understand and that's sad because she's hurting your children also.Probably more than anybody.<br />
I had the opposite problem ..when I had the abuser (alcoholic and drug addict)removed once and for all..he turned his back on his children and has to this day.It's the same kind of pain for me because I hurt for them although they are grown now and both adults.I have always wished that I could have done something for their sake but I know that I couldn't have because I learned the hard way...that we can't change anyone.<br />
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I hope things get better for you and that they work out!<br />
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Take care!

Mind you the most hurtful form of abuse I've ever experienced is my ex wife stopping me from seeing my sons and using my disability as a weapon to make out I can't look after my kids. One of my kids wouldn't speak to his mum and she got so angry she got the police involved saying I wouldn't let her see them when I was waiting for her to pick them up from my house! Once I was assaulted with an iron bar and the wounds healed, but this pain I feel inside for my kids has never stopped or subsided and every day is a struggle but If I fight for them like I tried last year, I get very ill and can't stop spewing which hurts my spine cause the wretching just aggravates my tumours! Oh yeah no way would I use my kids to play games cause thats what my parents did to me! I stopped being a monk so I could be a father and the relationship I had with my sons was the best and gave me the most happiness I've ever felt. I loved every minute of it and we were so close....anyway this is the most pain I've ever felt and get so upset when people treat their children like they are possesions.

Anandadas..I don't think at one time it was as commom for woman to hit men as it is now but I may be wrong..maybe it just wasn't talked about.or seen as much.Either way..whether it be male or female it is wrong and is not deserved in any situation as many people seem to think..I do know that some woman and I'll say men..out of pain and rage learn after awhile or feel the need to defend themselves against an abuser spouse or mate which only makes the situation so much worse.Abuse can lead to so much more than just abuse but sometimes one can't see it at the time until it's too late or almost too late as in my own experiences from the past.<br />
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From my own experience as well with an abuser..I think it has a lot to do with them not only feeling the need to be in control but low self esteem and hatred for themselves.Hatred and rage so deep that they feel the need to lash out and cause others pain.<br />
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As for you being a fool..no..your not a fool at all..you have your own reasons for putting up with it and for whatever reasons..you don't deserve it.Maybe you just need to find out who you are..why you put up with it and set boundaries with others.Then stick to those boundaries and don't let anyone cross over them.I think you'll come to know a new freedom and a new you who you'll be very proud of.<br />
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I hate violence as well and even though we can't change the world and the people in it..we can change what we'll put up with as adults.As children we are innocent and helpless but as adults we are not.<br />
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Thanks for commenting and I wish you all the best!<br />
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LittleLena..I agree with you..some woman have been beaten down so badly that they do believe that nobody else wants them and feel that they have nowhere to turn.It's really sad when another human being can beat someone down that far and think nothing of it.Of course all abuse is sad and should not happen to anyone!<br />
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Thanks for your comment!

I just don't understand why people hurt each other and to me the thought of hurting someone I care about just turns my stomach whether it's physical or emotional abuse. Respect is the answer including self respect.

I agree with you. I would like to add that emotional and verbal abuse is also bad and nobody deserve it. Also, if an abuser kept telling the abusee that he or she is worthless, nobody wants him or her, the abusee will believe it and prubably end up staying in the relationship because they have no place to go.

I had a friend who went out with a girl who wanted him to hit her, because she had only been in relationships where there was violence and she felt inferior because he wouldn't hit her, she tried everything to make him get violent including having sex with his mates but he never hit her and in the end she left the town because people found out what she was really like. <br />
As a man who is disabled, I have experienced violence off a few women starting with my mother who used to use weapons on me as a child and smashed every toy I had. I went out with a girl with cerebral palsy and although it didn't hurt she hit me once 120 times a few xmas' ago and my last girlfriend hit me on my spine knowing that one day I could be paralysed and it put me on the floor crying my eyes out. I've got tumours on my spinal cord. I don't go around trying to upset anyone and don't play games with anyones heart so why do a lot of women hit their partners even out of affection, I've seen it so many times but if a man did that he is nothing but a bully!<br />
I never would stay with any violent woman no matter how desperate I feel about them. I am a fool for letting someone constantly beat me and to be honest it's best for both parties to seperate when violence enters the relationship. <br />
I hate violence and this society is becoming more violent and selfish. It's sad.

IT THE HONEST TO GOODNESS TRUTH THOUGH,AND YOU ARE SO WELCOME MY FRIEND!!! HUGS RIGHT BACK AT YOU♥♥♥

Thank you for commenting Aussie..exactly...if they haven't been..they are no better..just very lucky and I hope they never will be!<br />
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Hugs to you my friend!

I totally agree with you on that Ayankee ..."NO ONE DESERVES THAT KIND OF CRAP UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER ANYONE ELSE BELIEVES" NOBODY ASKS TO BE BEATEN,NOT EVEN A LITTLE!!!!!! I strongly believe this...and agree that every person has been or will be through some sort of abuse in their lifetime...if not you are a very lucky person♥♥

I wanted to add...<br />
most people who are abused are actually stronger than most because they have endured so much pain..they just don't see it while they're in the midst of the pain.