Sigh, Maybe.

I've set up this account on E.P. and I hope I've done a good enough job doing so that if any one who knew me, wouldn't know it was me and couldn't trace it to me but if anyone did well, then i guess id just be ******, I keep telling myself ill post something then i delete it  because I don't want any one to know anything about my inner world, not even those closest to me. I fear people. but this **** is driving me crazy and I got to get it out

ever since I can remember I have never fit in, I have been different. some times I think I'm crazy, I've always wondered what it would be like to be some one else, I've always wondered what it would be like to be a boy, I long to do boy things every one knows im a tom boy and socially that's fine girls are allowed to be tomboys but no one knows I really want to go under cover as a boy, I feel so strong when people think im taken for a gent  you probably couldn't even tell I was a girl. I love to be treated with that kind of respect.

****** part is I fancy men, but its hard to pick them up when you aren't all glitz and glam, so some days I have to be the pretty girl too,  I have a strange attraction to men in drag, I think because I can be butch and they can be fem and it all works out.  but even that's part of a secret other life I think if anyone found out how far down this rabbit hole i go, id never show my face in public or id move. its all based on some sort of self denial i'm sure because with my social group I don't think they'd care In fact i know they wouldn't, but sadly I'm living with a man that for as kind as he is I don't think he could take it, and I don't think I could tell him, I hate this feminine role I'm in and for now theres no true way out only half truth and lies

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Feb 10, 2010