The perpetual "third wheel"...Yeah, so this is me..I am ugly. And the absolute worst part of that is, exactly this....I will never be loved ROMANTICALLY. In fact, when religions try to scare you into conformity by going on about "HELL" (scary music playing)...I think to myself 'I am in hell'. I am living my worst nightmare....wanting, needing, craving romantic companionship more than anything, yet being unanimously denied that very thing,..denied the one thing I have wanted. So religion and their scare tactics ring pathetic and hollow to me, because I am in hell already.
Now you have to make a distinction here. There is a difference between love and romantic love. I do have people that love me, friends, family etc. But romantic love is very complicated...it is ba
So if you or your partner "falls out of love", that means you have lost romantic (sexual) attraction. You may still 'love' that person in a general humanitarian/caring sort of way, but attraction is lost, thus physical intimacy is lost also. The difference between friends and lovers is physical intimacy, the difference between marriage partners and roommates is physical intimacy, The difference between romantic love and all others is physical intimacy. You can love friends, family members, etc and become intimate by sharing your thoughts, feeling, and experiences with them, thus you can have love and intimacy under plutonic circumstances, but the one difference between love and romantic love is physical intimacy. Once you add sex and sexuality to a relationship it becomes romantic love rather than general love.
And when it comes to peoples sexuality, it is very complicated. Someone may hold your attraction and thus your attention for a year, for a week, or for the rest of your life, it's a very vague area, and people themselves may not fully understand why they like this type or that type. Disney and others have done a huge disservice by selling fairy tales which perpetuate' happy ending' and 'for the rest of our life' type romances, when in fact the reality of the human condition does not support any of this in terms of romantic coupling. Believe me I bought into all that.
So why would I want romance?.. when it is such a cruel, fickle, fleeting experience. Why not simply settle for plutonic relations with friends and family and get love that way. Well, I guess that is part of the human condition..to ignore the logical and chase the etherial. For reasons that I don't even know or understand, I have always craved romantic relations more than anything else, and it has been consistantly denied me. I have watched for years while romance and sparks and chemicals have danced upon those around me, but never upon me. It hurts always looking in from the outside, always being the perpetual third wheel, or being the wallflower not by choice. Ever since puberty/high school I have been ugly and ingnored.....and now I am old and beyond hope or repair. I know it will never happen.
I want to feel those electric sparks and chemicals from someone who desires me as much as I her. I want to experience nights of liquid fire, and to wake up in the loving arms of someone who can't get enough of me. I want to be the center of someone's universe, to be their everything. I want to have someone stare at me for no reason, to find my little imperfections cute, someone that would defend me even if I'm in the wrong, someone who would sacrifice themselves for me. Yes I desire all this, and I know most of it is cheesy cliche' and the rest is unrealistic drivel sold by movies. But still when I watch a movie like 'Titanic' or 'What dreams may come', and watch what people would do for romantic love, it fills me with such wonderful feelings...it's like a heart-gasm. Yet , after the movie is over, I realize the only place I will ever see love like this is in the movies...because most likely it doesn't exist...and even if it does, it was never meant for me.
I realize the scientific explantion of romance and how it affect various pleasure zones of the brain, that it is like a drug high. I hear others try to comfort me by saying romance is overrated and that true, pure love can only be found in the parent/child love. I hear all this crap designed to tell me I'm not really missing anything important because romance is temporary, bla,bla,bla....Well, I don't care, all I have ever wanted was to be attractive and desirable to females. And yes maybe I bought into bogus fairy tales sold by movies or novels, or maybe I am simply in love with the idea of being' in love', whatever the reason, I desire romantic relations more than anything else. And sadly I know I will never have that with someone who I am completed attracted to and someone who is equally attracted to me.
Oh sure, you can perhaps find someone who desires you, but maybe your not really attracted to the. Or maybe you can pity or guilt someone into being with you or staying with you a while, but then this is not romance at all, but rather maniplulative control under duress. So simply going out and finding any warm body is not enough, equity of desire by both parties is true romance. Finding two people with equal and consuming attraction for one another, that is the rarest love connection there is. Though elusive, we still chase after it.
So yes, romance can be a very shallow, because more often than not attraction is ba
So I understand the nature of the beast. I simply have been given the short end of the stick in regards to romantically attracting or keep someone, and that really sucks. Like others here I have always been "the friend" and the "third wheel",...... it sucks and I hate it. And when people patronize me with.."it will happen for you" or "you'll meet someone who will appreciate you", this ****** me off completely, because it is Bull$h*t and I hate when people come at me with condescending attempts at pity compliments. Yes I am ugly and undesirable and will never find romantic love, but I am strong and intelligent and I do not need your pity or comments of futile hope. I appreciate someone simply saying 'Yeah that sucks, I'm sorry" rather than "oh, you just haven't met the right one yet",...what nonsense. Yes in the realm of mathematical/statistical probability, there are some 2 to 3 billion females on this planet...so yes there are plenty of opportunities. But I am old, ugly, and damaged beyond repair, time is up for me and I know it will never happen, so statements meant to boost my spirits only end up dragging me down.
Anyhow this is "my experience" and it is painful. There is so much wonder and beauty in this life, and for those that find romance and love I celebrate with them. I am happy when two people connect and I am sad for all those like myself tossed to the side of the road and forgotten. I wish I could help everyone find love and acceptance. Cupid would be a perfect job for me, I like seeing people find one another and fall in love, maybe I live vicariously through others' love since I have never had that myself. I do not curse those that have it, I just wonder where the justice in the universe is for those that do not have it..
I don't know that my words will help or inspire anyone, I am simply laying it out for consideration. And maybe this sounded more like a lecture, but I just am trying to convey the fact that I understand how complicated and difficult romance is, I have analyzed it thouroughly over the years and I understand how complicated it is, and though I like to blame females for my lonliness, I know there is no single culprit here pin my troubles upon. I am simply saying it sucks wanting something you'll never have, and in my particular case it sucks being undesirable.
I wish you all happiness,...have a wonderful day!
yummytush 31-35, M 6 Responses 1 Oct 10, 2010