End Of The Line

I have been badly hurt by just about every friendship I have ever had.   I know that love is always a risk, but to me, it is fast becoming a risk not worth taking.   My dismal social life consists of my immediate family only.   I have no friends whatsoever.   I have made them at different places and times in my life, but I have never kept them.   I don't have any of them now.   Worst of all, I have had far too many people say that all I had to was to come to them anytime I needed them and that they would be there for me, and they never were.   I quickly learned that the one thing I could always count on was that I have no one to count on.   Those people eventually drifted away from me, and they never made an effort to reach out to me.   I always had to reach out to them.   A popular saying says that all you have to do to make friends is to make a little effort.   Well, I have sold my soul trying everything I could possibly do to find, make and keep friends, and I have always failed.   I have recently come to the conclusion that true love is never going to find me, and the best way I can protect myself from the inevitable pain involved in trying is to deliberately repel everyone around me.   I cannot imagine why anyone would want anything more to do with me than they absolutely have to.
ARG7886 ARG7886
2 Responses Apr 27, 2011

I'm sorry about that. I'm sure everyone says that but I really am. Love is a risk worth taking. Unfortunately, I wouldn't know, but it is. We all need someone who will love us unconditionally, and if you give up, won't you be all alone? Sorry about that. Really.

I'm like this, too. I just don't have the means or the passion to reach out again. I feel like social interactions won't last or matter in the end. A temporary relief but no lasting comfort.