I Dont Think Anyone Will Ever Love Me Romantically
Let me start when I was 8 years old. I suffered from a disease called "Meningococcal Sebsis", which is basically bacteria destroying fat and skin tissue on the extremeties. Now this was discovered way too late, so that I wound up in Hospital for 10 weeks during which I had almost all the skin on my legs (which was completely destroyed) replaced with skin transplants from myself. Those were taken from my chest, stomach, back, arms and head. I also suffered of the Waterhouse-Friederichsen Syndrome, which kills 90% of it's victims. The first hospital I was in made a mistake as well, giving me more and more liquid, to keep my circulatory system going, which eventually settled under the skin in my face and on my arms, which were simply popped while the flesh below went foul. Because of this I also have scars and wounds on my face and arms which makes me get to a count of:
-Almost complete area on my legs obliterated and scars/burn wound transplants.
-1 missing muscle in each calve that was relocated over my knees to protect the kneecap, my muscles in my calves are now slightly visible while working.
-Missing the entire first skinlayer on my stomach, chest, back parts of my arms and below my hair.
-About 20-40 scars.
This is irreparable. I doubt even the best cosmetic surgeons could fix this up.
After I got out of hospital I made an unnaturally fast recovery during which I re-learned walking and even riding a bicycle which was said to me would be impossible.
When I was about 13 it first dawned on my that I may not be as normal as I thought I would be, when I was repeadetly called out on the most visible scars on my face and arms, although I just put it off as dumb child's talk back then.
Now, this carried on, and still does. Children look at me and hide behind their mother's legs. (Don't think of this as incredibly extreme, I don't look like a bear mauled me, just like I held my face onto a hot furnace for like 2 minutes.) The only reactions I get from girls is "Did you see that guy?" and I just can not manage to gain any real friends no matter how hard I try to socialize.
Now I'm 18, and we're coming up to the 10 year mark in about a month, I don't know how to continue, I always act like everything is okay to everybody I know but it's not. I'm on a second run-through of high-school to gain a better degree which will get me a better-paid job, but what will that money give me if I will never ever have anybody to share it with.
There is a single person on this planet who I actually talk to on a regular basis and who knows about all of this. She is great, but lives very far away from where I am. The only person who really knows me, I do not think she is quite aware of her importance. So I am not getting my hopes up anymore.
My best bet right now is to at least try to enjoy the coming 3 years of high-school and then just give up. My life has been an absolute pile of catastrophy so far, I am tired of it all, especially after not having had a girlfriend, ever. I am not scared of death anymore, love is going to be denied to me apparently, so what's the point.
Just felt like putting that out there now that I'm coming up to the 10 year mark.
Thanks for reading.
-Almost complete area on my legs obliterated and scars/burn wound transplants.
-1 missing muscle in each calve that was relocated over my knees to protect the kneecap, my muscles in my calves are now slightly visible while working.
-Missing the entire first skinla
-About 20-40 scars.
This is irreparable. I doubt even the best cosmetic surgeons could fix this up.
After I got out of hospital I made an unnaturally fast recovery during which I re-learned walking and even riding a bicycle which was said to me would be impossible.
When I was about 13 it first dawned on my that I may not be as normal as I thought I would be, when I was repeadetly called out on the most visible scars on my face and arms, although I just put it off as dumb child's talk back then.
Now, this carried on, and still does. Children look at me and hide behind their mother's legs. (Don't think of this as incredibly extreme, I don't look like a bear mauled me, just like I held my face onto a hot furnace for like 2 minutes.) The only reactions I get from girls is "Did you see that guy?" and I just can not manage to gain any real friends no matter how hard I try to socialize.
Now I'm 18, and we're coming up to the 10 year mark in about a month, I don't know how to continue, I always act like everything is okay to everybody I know but it's not. I'm on a second run-through of high-school to gain a better degree which will get me a better-paid job, but what will that money give me if I will never ever have anybody to share it with.
There is a single person on this planet who I actually talk to on a regular basis and who knows about all of this. She is great, but lives very far away from where I am. The only person who really knows me, I do not think she is quite aware of her importance. So I am not getting my hopes up anymore.
My best bet right now is to at least try to enjoy the coming 3 years of high-school and then just give up. My life has been an absolute pile of catastrophy so far, I am tired of it all, especially after not having had a girlfriend, ever. I am not scared of death anymore, love is going to be denied to me apparently, so what's the point.
Just felt like putting that out there now that I'm coming up to the 10 year mark.
Thanks for reading.
By:
Autumn520
Age:
18-21
