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Forever The Love-lorn And Skittish It Seems.

Okay so I'm not going to bash myself. I have talents, some self-confidence, and lately I've made great strides in meeting new people and making new friends in college. I did have a boyfriend once but I messily ended it when I felt we were more like friends than I wanted (also I was jealous that he was closer with my two best friends than me but anyway...). I didn't know how to tell him that (maybe now I would be more straight-forward).

Thing is, I don't like going to sketchy frat parties where the guys say hello to girls just so they can grind with them (Not that that isn't sexy, it's just not sexy with drunk, horny, anonymous people), and the art of flirting is not in my portfolio of work. I have thoughts about guys, sure, and there have been some unrequited love scenarios that never made it past my neuron synapses but taking a step? Nope.

Especially now with my parents impending divorce of calm doom, love and relationships seem dangerous but also worth it. Even if it means changing a situation I've heard it said it's worth it for a chance to be loved. And I have dreamed for so long, not having the courage or know-how to do things (romantic, flirting, get-what-you-want-sort of things) that it almost seems like it will never happen.

Ideally I want a person (probably a guy) who is a friend and ultimately something more but people tell me that's not the way it works. Why not? I would never have the courage or gumption to get into that situation any other way.

So, forever the love-lorn and skittish it seems! Any advice?
mimimozealia mimimozealia 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 8, 2013

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I usually have a pretty good vocabulary, and sometimes am able to use sentences in an intelligent sort of way, but dear lord that was awesome. As for advice, being introverted usually means that getting into a relationship is more difficult, but I've also found that those types of relationships are much more deep, understanding, and committed. I figure the advice 'just be yourself' is a little cliche at this point, but it's really not a bad idea, having to change who you are to get into a relationship seems wrong to me personally, though I'm not an expert. Having a significant other who is also a friend is entirely possible, I think that's the only way a relationship can work long term, but as for flirting with guys, we're pretty dense, it takes a lot to get us to realize something. Either just be very blunt or find a way to hint at it in a not so secretive way. Taking the first step is the hardest, but each one after that comes a little bit easier (I'm reminded of a Christmas special now...). You come off as a very well educated, smart, kind individual, and I'm positive that any guy you aim for couldn't resist you, you just need to figure out who makes the cut and then aim true.

People like me and you don't understand the dating game. For me I suspect it is because I have too much self respect. I don't want to date a chick who I don't respect...which basically means any chick I find drunk at a party lol. When I am interested in girls in my classes i do not talk to them because it would be immediately apparent I was hitting on them based on the fact that I never talk to strangers...or much in general. Help guys like me out and start the conversation...if we're interested we will start later conversations. Another bit of advise websites don't usually give people. Don't just notice eye contact...notice how much eye contact the person gives you in comparison to the amount he gives others. A girl I like wouldn't immediately recognize how much I look in her eyes when she is talking to me...but it becomes apparent I like them if you notice that my natural tendency is to never look people directly in the eyes especially if they are looking back (even during a conversation with them). Everything is relative...if a guy tries to talk to you more than once...even if it doesn't seem like he's hitting on you at all. He may just be very cautious like me. Take care to notice that you are the only girl in the class he has talked to. If a girl starts conversations with me I will try my hardest to keep them interesting if I am interested. Your problem is your looking for me and I don't use sexy talk, and I won't ask a girl out until I am sure they are interested. in conclusion, unless you look for the signs us nice guys try to give out...and give signs back, you'll never find us. On the bright side... Your a girl so a less introverted guy may unexpectedly ask you out at any time.

haha I was reading with interest through your post until your last sentence which is kindly intended. The same could be true for you. Thanks for the advice.