Dark Depths

Depression table for one...oh please thank you. Yes how can you fill the dark depths of your soul. It is something forged in my passed. I understand why but there is no answer to break it. I found the need to swollow my emotions as a child. Boys not cry get the picture. Faith of course also played a role meaning now who can you talk about what you are feeling about your self and who you know your self to be so swollow the pain swollow ever emotion because what are you suppose to feel or not allowed to feel. I would smile all of the time even when other did not find it funny. My smile was not the right emotion to match what was going on it was a shield to hold back all other emotion so as not to have the wrong ones. By time I reached ten elven years old my actions in controlling my emotions were forged in life. as to say life is not what you make of it but what it makes of you from that which is around you. I would get beat up at school and I could not help but laugh wrong wrong emotion...I would always bit my lip to stop other boys don't cry...so why would I get depressed for what reason other then the emptyness of my soul. It became a pit of darkness never to befilled where loneliness rules with queen of sarrow. I am not looking for answer and if you are brave find everthing I have written read it and know that if you have children open your eyes to who they really are. Don't force them to change allow them to feel what they feel cry if need be when watching a sad movie becasue that is normal and not just a girl thing so no teasing please...feel dam it! it is not a crime to cry but to allow others to become like me would me criminal
solarregeneration solarregeneration
41-45, T
Jul 23, 2010