Is It Over?

I used to be a bad person until a few months ago... I cheated on my boyfriend, he found out through my psycho lover and i took all the blame for it. I admitted i was very wrong and promised him I would change. So I did. I begged him for a chance and he granted it to me.

I wasn't expecting him to love me back as much as he did in the past but this situation has become unbearable. He quitted saying he loves me... there are no gentle and caring touches, he keeps hurting me even when he's playing. We're not together as much as we used to, nor he cares much about me anymore. He can spend days without even seeing me, only texting me once a day. At first i understood... i had been a selfish and disgusting person... But even while I was seeing someone else i never stopped caring for him, i was always by his side.

But now I'm changed and his actions towards me keep getting worse... Is if he's only here to make me suffer and pay for what I did... Then why is he still with me? If he doesn't love me, why he keeps making me suffer like this?

Valentine's day is tomorrow and instead of joy I'm feeling rather depressed... Will he say he loves me, or will i spend the day without hearing it once?

I know i deserve punishment... but i needed to let it all out... It's destroying me on the inside... the rest of me that is still here. I can't tell him these things because i simply can't. I have to bare all the pain for all I've done.

Should i keep understanding his actions or should I do something else?

Dreampirata Dreampirata
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 12, 2010

you need to have a real good talk, he needs to tell you how hes feeling. although what you did was a bad thing, you dont deserve to be hurt in return. he should not have took you back if he couldnt forgive and forget. you cant live your life in guilt, ask him why hes doing the things he is. it could bring it to the forefront for him too. once you admit how you are feeling you are on the road to acceptance and ultimately happiness.