whenever i try to please my parents by striving for my best in many ways, i would always end up in an argument with them, said being too immature. i don't think i am immature, why can't they understand what truly is my desire to achieve? i did try to bond more with my family numerous times before, yet nothing seems to work out. ever since my my mum had my younger brother, all my parents' attention was on him, they cared for him, love him, please him, and i was always just watching at a corner filled with jealousy.

being the young and immature me, i once had the thought of strangling my brother while he was asleep. but who would do that to someone they truly love and care for? well i did not realised how precious my brother was to me until when we grew older, we got more bonded and comfortable around each other and enjoyed each other's company without our parents.

regardless of which, occasionally when i feel really jealous of my brother, i started bullying him, kicking him, pinching him, punching him or scolding him. after all those times, i would always reflect on my behaviour.
"why did i do that to my cute little brother?"
"am i out of my mind?"
" what in the world did i just do to harm the most precious thing to me?"

through all these experiences i finally derived to an answer of my own:
sometimes we feel jealous not because of our hatred to that person but because of what that person has that we don't have, which causes you that feeling of need of that particular object. just like my brother, my parents had always cared for him more than they do for me, but nonetheless he is still my younger brother, someone whom i cannot live without. "forgive and forget" is what we need to learn in our daily lives. the world isn't big and great enough to accommodate every one of our needs. just as the saying goes "no pain, no gain", to achieve what we desire to grab hold onto, theres a need for effort in exchange for our "gifts". and to me simplicity is the greatest gift god has given me, in fact everyone, since birth. through all the up and downs that happened between me and my brother, I've got to know that the second greatest gift god has given me, is always right beside me through these 10 years, cheering me up when I'm gloomy, sharing candies and birthday presents with me, fooling around with me when our parents aren't around, and pouring unlimited brotherly love on me.

dear precious little brother, please forgive me for all bad things i have done to you, yet up till now still doesn't have the courage to apologise in front of you. sis loves you forever and always!
yunisaurus yunisaurus
16-17, F
Aug 22, 2014