It May Be Too Late In Life For Me To Have Close Friends Again

@words for living, I am in a very similar position that you are in although, I have never been married.

Thank you Vignette ~ I'm taking baby steps to get out more. It's a hard thing for me to do since it can stress me out, so exploring one avenue at a time is really the best way for me to move forward.



I haven't yet written the stores about how I became social phobic & traumatized, but I got to the point where I started avoiding people almost altogether.



Things do seem hopeless a lot, but I try not to dwell on thinking that way.

It's never too late to make a new friend. At least that has been my experience. I have also noticed that some people come into our lives for a short or moderate time, and there are others who stay around for the long haul. I have watched people come and go out of my life, but my core group of dearest friends remains constant throughout the decades. They are but a handful of people, and are the most treasured in my heart.



I have learned over the years that to have a friend, one must learn to be a friend. Any relationship, including friendship, requires some work. It is like a garden that needs tender loving care. If left untended, it will wither and die. I'm not saying this was the case for you, only sharing my own personal experiences here.



New friends pop up in the most unlikely places at times. Two of my friends I met through work and one I met through the internet. The others have fallen by the wayside over the years. They were treasured for the time we spent together, but they were not life-time friends. The rest are what I call acquaintances.



Your age is not a barrier to making new friends. One of my friends is relatively new, just 2 years ago. Be open and get yourself out there and talk to people. Start doing more social activities. Join groups that you have a common interest with. Volunteer, do charity work. There are a number of ways to meet new people. I know you said you are an introvert, so take it slow, and maybe just explore one avenue at a time so it doesn't get too overwhelming?

I know just what you mean!

I have always had a 'best' friend, someone I spent a lot of time with, visiting each other at our homes, doing things with our children, going shopping, just spending time together, doing crafts, just laughing. I cherished those friendships.



When I became disabled and had to become more of a 'shut-in', not really able to go out freely and do things, climb stairs, etc. my friends quickly disappeared. One, I felt particularly close to actually told me I was 'slowing her down, keeping her from doing what she wanted to do.'



Even a friend of 33 years, has recently started to distance herself from me because the friendship is limited to visiting me at my house.



I've been thinking exactly what you've been thinking, that at this stage in my life, being 46 years old and limited in where I can go and what I can do, I'm likely not going to have that 'best friend' or a circle of close knit friends again. It saddens me a great deal, as I think, of all the losses I've endured, (the loss of mobility, independence, leisure activities I greatly enjoyed), that is the one that hurts the most and is the most difficult to adjust to.



Hugs to you!! Perhaps we can become friends and help each other through this difficult time?

Yes you will. Yes you will. Yes you will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) :-) Welcome to my circle!!!!!!!! I saw your story title (haven't read the actual story) "I hate facebook" and I laughed and said, "we got to be friends!!!" :-) I hate facebook too. Here's a sisterly HUG and a warm welcome to my circle of EP friends. xx

I understand that, and there are sadly some things one just cant share with a bf or spouse, I dont have one now, but you will make friends, it just happends, here especially I should know ..come be a "friend" (you are one in my circle and Im happy to have you;)here and pm if you want to talk:)*hugs*

Being the needs in a marriage and social needs are two different things. Afterall, a marriage consists of two separate individuals; that said, each person needs their time alone. I had three close friends & I threw myself into the friendship and it ended abruptly last year. It hurt so much, almost like a breakup and I don't know that I'll ever be able to make friends again. I really didn't have any close friends prior to that. In fact, my family and I aren't close either. I'm only 31 and I teach at a University part-time: even so, I still haven't managed to make friends, although I have absolutely no problem with public speaking. What is this all about??? (sigh...). Life sucks sometimes.

Hey girl...I understand what you are saying. I'm a few years younger than you. I don't have a boyfriend or husband. I have 2 dogs and a cat instead.



I am nearly 30 yrs old, but have found that all my friends now are married and have children. meanwhile, I'm still drinking at the bars and hoping to find a guy.



i don't know about you, but i live in a suburb of pittsburgh where everyone knows everyone else. most of my married friends are high school sweetharts (I just vomited in my mouth a lil--lol)



it seems that there is no hope. nevertheless, i DID have a 2 1/2 yr relationship with a man i met on match.com when i moved to philadelphia for school. We ended it because i had to move back to pitt for my mother's illness. i have never returned to philly since.



i guess the point is; i understand you. i've been living your nighmare for over 2 yrs now. maybe we could brainstorm and pull a sex and the city "bring a man u aren't interested in' party. one women's trash is another's treasure.



good luck

chrisin

The friends I had in the past - except for 2, they have all either rejected me, moved on, or dropped off the face of the earth, etc. The 2 friends left live quite a distance from me... One of them is a friend from my childhood - we'd lost contact twice through the years, but managed to find each other again. But for whatever reason, she won't give me her phone number or address so I can't chat with her or send cards. She will only interact on Facebook, but Facebook is a big part of the problem for me, as I feel horrible and get depressed every time I go there.



Interestingly, one of the 2 long-time friends is male - a fun pal I had while I was in the Air Force. His ex-wife was my maid of honor at my wedding! He never remarried and now has a new girlfriend and seems to be fading away (it's entirely possibly she's the jealous type).



Both of these 2 long-time friends that are left seem disconnected to me, so there's no real closeness anymore.



I think it's common for a lot of people to fade out of our lives or move on for whatever reasons, so if we don't try to get new ones at least periodically, we may end up with ZERO close friends, which is where I'm at now.

What has happened to these friends that you have had in the past? I imagine that it would be much easier to re-kindle old friendships than to cultivate new ones. This is a problem I have had to struggle with throughout my life and now that I am married I too have seemed to have lost all of my friendships. Dont get me wrong I value my wifes friendship dearly, but like you say, there is just something about sharing experiences, thoughts, and feelings with a friend of the same gender.

Thank you so much for responding. I too want to live lift to the fullest. I think that not having any friends is not living life to the fullest and is unhealthy to live that way. Hopefully it will change before I die.