It May Be Too Late In Life For Me To Have Close Friends Again

It's been a very long time since I had close female friends and at this point in my life in my 40s, I have little hope that I will be able to find new friends to replace the ones who have faded out of my life. 

These thoughts come up fairly often, especially when something triggers it.  I'm an introvert & don't like to get out much, but wish I had friendships like I had a number of years ago -- we visited each other in our homes and had great conversations and bonding.

It definitely doesn't look like it will every happen again and that makes me really sad.

I have a wonderful husband, but what I'm talking about is having like-minded female friends.
wordsforliving wordsforliving
46-50, F
9 Responses Aug 4, 2010

@words for living, I am in a very similar position that you are in although, I have never been married.

Thank you Vignette ~ I'm taking baby steps to get out more. It's a hard thing for me to do since it can stress me out, so exploring one avenue at a time is really the best way for me to move forward.<br />
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I haven't yet written the stores about how I became social phobic & traumatized, but I got to the point where I started avoiding people almost altogether. <br />
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Things do seem hopeless a lot, but I try not to dwell on thinking that way.

I know just what you mean! <br />
I have always had a 'best' friend, someone I spent a lot of time with, visiting each other at our homes, doing things with our children, going shopping, just spending time together, doing crafts, just laughing. I cherished those friendships. <br />
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When I became disabled and had to become more of a 'shut-in', not really able to go out freely and do things, climb stairs, etc. my friends quickly disappeared. One, I felt particularly close to actually told me I was 'slowing her down, keeping her from doing what she wanted to do.' <br />
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Even a friend of 33 years, has recently started to distance herself from me because the friendship is limited to visiting me at my house. <br />
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I've been thinking exactly what you've been thinking, that at this stage in my life, being 46 years old and limited in where I can go and what I can do, I'm likely not going to have that 'best friend' or a circle of close knit friends again. It saddens me a great deal, as I think, of all the losses I've endured, (the loss of mobility, independence, leisure activities I greatly enjoyed), that is the one that hurts the most and is the most difficult to adjust to. <br />
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Hugs to you!! Perhaps we can become friends and help each other through this difficult time?

Yes you will. Yes you will. Yes you will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) :-) Welcome to my circle!!!!!!!! I saw your story title (haven't read the actual story) "I hate facebook" and I laughed and said, "we got to be friends!!!" :-) I hate facebook too. Here's a sisterly HUG and a warm welcome to my circle of EP friends. xx

Being the needs in a marriage and social needs are two different things. Afterall, a marriage consists of two separate individuals; that said, each person needs their time alone. I had three close friends & I threw myself into the friendship and it ended abruptly last year. It hurt so much, almost like a breakup and I don't know that I'll ever be able to make friends again. I really didn't have any close friends prior to that. In fact, my family and I aren't close either. I'm only 31 and I teach at a University part-time: even so, I still haven't managed to make friends, although I have absolutely no problem with public speaking. What is this all about??? (sigh...). Life sucks sometimes.

Hey girl...I understand what you are saying. I'm a few years younger than you. I don't have a boyfriend or husband. I have 2 dogs and a cat instead. <br />
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I am nearly 30 yrs old, but have found that all my friends now are married and have children. meanwhile, I'm still drinking at the bars and hoping to find a guy.<br />
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i don't know about you, but i live in a suburb of pittsburgh where everyone knows everyone else. most of my married friends are high school sweetharts (I just vomited in my mouth a lil--lol)<br />
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it seems that there is no hope. nevertheless, i DID have a 2 1/2 yr relationship with a man i met on when i moved to philadelphia for school. We ended it because i had to move back to pitt for my mother's illness. i have never returned to philly since.<br />
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i guess the point is; i understand you. i've been living your nighmare for over 2 yrs now. maybe we could brainstorm and pull a sex and the city "bring a man u aren't interested in' party. one women's trash is another's treasure.<br />
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good luck<br />

The friends I had in the past - except for 2, they have all either rejected me, moved on, or dropped off the face of the earth, etc. The 2 friends left live quite a distance from me... One of them is a friend from my childhood - we'd lost contact twice through the years, but managed to find each other again. But for whatever reason, she won't give me her phone number or address so I can't chat with her or send cards. She will only interact on Facebook, but Facebook is a big part of the problem for me, as I feel horrible and get depressed every time I go there.<br />
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Interestingly, one of the 2 long-time friends is male - a fun pal I had while I was in the Air Force. His ex-wife was my maid of honor at my wedding! He never remarried and now has a new girlfriend and seems to be fading away (it's entirely possibly she's the jealous type). <br />
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Both of these 2 long-time friends that are left seem disconnected to me, so there's no real closeness anymore.<br />
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I think it's common for a lot of people to fade out of our lives or move on for whatever reasons, so if we don't try to get new ones at least periodically, we may end up with ZERO close friends, which is where I'm at now.

What has happened to these friends that you have had in the past? I imagine that it would be much easier to re-kindle old friendships than to cultivate new ones. This is a problem I have had to struggle with throughout my life and now that I am married I too have seemed to have lost all of my friendships. Dont get me wrong I value my wifes friendship dearly, but like you say, there is just something about sharing experiences, thoughts, and feelings with a friend of the same gender.

Thank you so much for responding. I too want to live lift to the fullest. I think that not having any friends is not living life to the fullest and is unhealthy to live that way. Hopefully it will change before I die.