25 Years OldI always just assumed that by 25 I would be married. My parents were married at that age and I guess that's why. I still live at home but there is a very good reason for this. With the economy the way it is I can't afford to live on my own and I my parents need help supporting my siblings. One who is currently jobless, one is mentally handicapped and the other is too young to get a job. Don't get me wrong..I don't mind living at home. I have a great family and I we have great times. Many of my friends live at home (or have just moved back home) due to the economy, because lets face it... sometimes (like in my case) mom and dad need help too. But any way thats not the point.
I have never dated really seriously. I had a boyfriend in highschool who "broke my heart" and while I was on the rebound another stepped in and smashed my heart to bits making me feel completly worthless...so I gave up dating and worked long hours.
I guess I have always been waiting for that moment that has been deep seeded in my heart where one day he will just walk in to my life and never leave. But I feel as though I have been waiting forever. I have always wanted that man...I remember praying at 12 years old that God would send me the man I am meant to be with...I am 25 now. It seems that every time I want a guy they either don't want me or something worse. One occassion a man that I was convinced was "the one" my "best friend" stabbed me in the back and got him instead. They have now been married for almost a year. I am not saying anything would have happend here and I don't think very highly of him anymore. He knew how I felt and never talked to me about it..just hurt me.
I thank God now because I know I could not deal with his selfishness. I have just rambled this whole time...but my heart hurts. I was watching a very good friend of mine today with his wife and I couldnt help but be envious of her. Not because I want her husband...thats not it at all!!...but because I want a good man, who loves me like he loves her. I want to know what they feel for each other. I want a man to look at me the way he looks at her..and such. It just hurts.
MidnightMoonBeam 22-25, F 6 Responses 1 Oct 9, 2011