Not In the Slightest

There's nothing special about me at all.

People used to have faith in me but now I'm just a disappointment. Valentine's Day tomorrow and it really does just point out to me how lonely I am. My best friend chose to work tomorrow instead of spending the day with me, as he had promised he would.

That is just one of the many things which have led me to believe that, unfortunately, he no longer cares about me. Our relationship is just a whole lot of nothing and it makes me feel worthless. I feel like I make such an insanely huge effort to make things work and to make him happy, and he claims he does the same for me. We just don't seem to work together anymore. Without him, I am nobody. I feel like I am without him. So, I feel like I am nobody.

I have huge exams to study for, thankfully, as they are the only thing that I focus on without feeling guilty. If I focus on my friend and I don't get anything in return well then I'm just a big idiot!

I can't have cathal (the object of my desire) and he's the only thing left that i know which makes me feel good. what happens next year, when i'll begin my life without him..? will I ever feel good about myself ever again? I wish i could feel good about myself without needing someone else to spark it in me. I just feel so useless on this planet. No beauty, no brains, no love. What have I got? :(

I'm going to spend my day tomorrow studying maths. How romantic.

bulletinmybutterflywing bulletinmybutterflywing
18-21, F
Feb 13, 2009