I Don't Think So, Not At All

I used to have no trouble making friends and keeping them, but the older I get, the less comfortable I feel with the public in general, and the more my depression, paranoia, and anxiety invade my life. I tend to stay away from most people, and I guess it's pretty difficult to get close to me. Part of that is because I am very strange, and part of it is because I instinctively (and involuntarily) push people away for fear of being hurt.

So, even if people do try to be my friend, they usually figure out that I am incredibly flawed and weird, and they bail. I don't blame them and have no hard feelings toward them. I've grown pretty used to it. It's probably for the best. I try to stay away from drama, and most people don't know how to accept others unconditionally, so I'm better off.
SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit
36-40, F
4 Responses Dec 5, 2010

Reading your post was like hearing myself. This is exactly the situation I'm in and how I feel too. It's very depressing.

people teln you its painful doesnt make it any better. i wish u wa my friend

This is all the same condition of me. I am not good in expressing myself and cannot express myself easily but each of your word in as it is my own.<br />
I can surely understand how you feel and how much depression and anxiety you have to face when you want to have some friends or want to be with someone but you cannot and then you let it go. And fellows it is easy to talk about compassion and understanding but believe me it is very painful.

Dear Spirit,<br />
<br />
You sound like a very deep person who simply would love to share with someone who would take the time to get to know you. You are lonely. It is okay to be lonely. It's a time for introspection. Please try to look at yourself with compassion and understanding.<br />
<br />