Dont Know Who I Am Anymore

well i have come here for help don't know where else to look .....i am a stay at home mother of 3 only 2 live with me the youngest ages 1 1/2 and 1 month i have been finding it very hard to deal with the kids because of my own pain i yell all the time because I'm not happy with my life my husband totally cut me off from the world doesn't like me having friends I'm not aloud to work i am in this house that's like a jail all day everyday we do nothing together i never get out and now I'm scared to even go check the mail I'm scared of the world because I've not been in it much so i have none i have him and my kids that's it he recently moved us to another state so there's no family  I'm home alone all day with baby's and no one to talk to i talk to my kids but them not being able to understand to respond don't help i just cry when I'm done telling them how i feel cause they just look at me like they know my pain and want to help but cant  my husband does not talk to me he avoids me in every way possible he drinks everyday after work and he talks to other women on the net also, i feel like I'm worthless like my life is pointless i eat to push my pain down so I'm getting kinda big and i know my husband hates it but food is there for me he is not it kills me every day when he comes home how he ignores me and when he goes to sleep doesn't even tell me goodnight i feel like I'm the live in nanny or some **** all i know is no one cares I'm even alive not even me..........
sadandlonely24 sadandlonely24
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 3, 2011

Honey, I know I'm a randomer, but I care, I promise. I'm sending my hugs! If it's any use, I'm here for you if you feel you need to talk to someone or if there's anything someone so far away can do. I'm sure I'm not alone in caring what happens to you and how you cope with your kids. All the best, Charlotte xx

You're so wrong...your kids care. <br />
I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated. I've been a stay at home for most of the last 9yrs and understand how your home can become your prison. I'm also in a controlling relationship (altho it's getting a little better) and get the third degree about everyone I talk to and everything I do, yet he pays me little attention. If it weren't for my kids I think I would have lost my mind, but luckily they keep things in perspective for me. I hope that you're able to pull thru and put a smile on your face for your kids. Maybe if you can find some happiness within yourself, your husband will too.