When Will I Ever Learn???

When will I learn….
This is not who I am…
I have much more to offer than
Just being your number one fan.

The reason you think that
Is because I let you…
I was always available
Just waiting to hear from you…

I’d get excited and anxious…
Like a stupid little girl…
When you sent me a message,
You sent me into a whirl.

When you shared things with me,
I truly believed, that….
You were leading me….down
A long, beautiful path…

A path that I thought, surely
Would lead me to you…and
Though it sounds pathetic now….
I believed it was true…

But I’m learning some things now…
Some things about myself.
I don’t want to need you,
That’s not what I felt.

I know what it was now,
It wasn’t even real.
It was you…you just kept me
Hanging on with your spiels…

You said I was cool….
You thought I was pretty…
You liked hearing from me,
Even said I was witty…

But that wasn’t really it, was it?
You didn’t give me your time…
I only felt like a nuisance…
I guess your thoughts don’t match mine.

That was part of the game, was it?
A game I don’t know…
But I’m learning the rules now…
All thanks to your show…

You have taught me a few things,
Some things about me…
Some I should have known already,
Others I’m just learning lately.

I give myself too freely…
I give way too much…
It doesn’t give me what I was after,
In fact, I just feel worse for the touch.

I should thank you, really…
For making me see….
Finally, after all these months,
It was never about me…

I need to walk away now…
I need to just be alone.
I feel the urge to shout and cry….
But I’ll do that on my own.

I won’t bother you with the details…
I’ll try hard not to look back..
I hate that I’m shedding tears for you,
I hate that I’m so far off my track.

I need to get back on it….
I really believe that is best.
I need to focus on other things now…
And give my thoughts of you a rest.

NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll
46-50, F
10 Responses May 29, 2012

so sad can feel what u are saying

Love it. Can relate so much.

I can totally relate, and in a similar situation as well

That was a beautiful poem. I'm sorry to hear about that d***. *hugs!* ^_^

That was a beautiful poem. I'm sorry to hear about that d***. *hugs!* ^_^

Absolutely LOVE! You have a true gift. Thanks for sharing...& I believe we must have dated the same guy ;-)

Me too! :)

You're not going to surpass Byron or Shelley as a poet, but you express some very deep, very raw emotions, and that's the true essence of poetry.

Very true and very good. I understand it very well. It sounds like my life

Hugs to you my dear..

I wish I had the gift that you so clearly have Babydoll.<br />
<br />
Reading that made me want to reach into my laptop and pull you through it for a hug.<br />
<br />

Aww...thank you!! That's sweet :)

that was beautiful and powerful...I could feel your pain and determination through your words. hugs sweetie! xoxo

Again, thanks...I don't really fancy myself a writer...I haven't done it since I was a teenager....but I'm starting to feel good about it again....thanks for your encouragement...you're always so kind....

You are a wonderful writer :)
Looking foward to more.