I'm In Shock, I Can't Believe You Left.

You left today no matter what i said or did i could not change your mind. You won't fight to save our relationship, but you'll fight to gather your clothes. Even though you said you wanted to leave last night, i didn't think you would. I thought our love was unconditional and forever. You are my world and i thought i was your everything. Well everything is still here, and i keep looking out the window expecting to see you pull up. Its been hours since i heard from you. You told me you don't want to fix it. You aren't in love with me. You do love me but it won't change and won't get better. You repeated over and over we are done but you love me and miss me and you are not coming back. You are killing me and i think its exactly what you want.
I've sent you Many texts, and while writing this you finally responded.
"I'm not ok. I'm definitely not ok."
I haven't cried in a few hours, i hope you don't make me cry.
Dellem Dellem
22-25, F
4 Responses Sep 22, 2012

Listening to music can do Wonders!! Don't only listen to that sad stuff, put in songs about women coming through the pain and becoming stronger. It's crazy how their words can lighten the pain, even just a little. I listened to So what by pink almost 100 times in the last week. I can't really relate to her story, because I'm not a rock star, but the beat and her attitude did rub off on me a little. If anything it will helped me get in a better mood so I could actually fall asleep. Actually that's what I should do right now...

Today is the half way mark to our next anniversary. Its also just a week short of being a year since i had a miscarriage with our only child, which started our love story to fall apart. Its a rough month for me already, and it just got worse.

I agree desperation isn't attractive. I really just want him to see how I'm hurting because of this, to make him realize this is stupid and not like us. Being told I'm still loved but he isn't coming back makes me even more desperate. I'm going to stop texting him. going to look up sad songs and be a cry baby and get some sleep if i can. I bet i won't do so well at not texting him tomorrow...

Long ago we had problems and when i had left for a very short amount of time he sent texts and called constantly with such beautiful heartfelt things I couldn't make up if i tried, and i didn't think of him as desperate but inlove... I guess it was different, i don't think i said i wasn't coming back four thousand times and saying I'm done.

A switch flipped and he became emotionless just indifferent... unimpressed and done. I still can't believe it happened.

I can't tell you how hard this will be, but you need-need to take some space. My man doesn't seem to want to make our relationship better either, which is so confusing because he says he loves me...yet he wont contact me. I sit by the phone and window watching and waiting. Hoping he'll do something, to make me believe there is still hope. I sent text after text telling him just how much I miss him and love him. But desperation isn't attractive. It isn't desirable, it isn't going to help. You need to put your phone away, leave the house, do something. I can promise you, it wont help to take your mind off your problems, at least not right away. But it will help. One way or another, space is going to heal you. It will either help to heal the relationship, or help to heal yourself. Take it hour by hour, then day by day. It's been exactly 31 hours since I last tried to contact my love, and honestly I feel much better than when I was constantly texting him.