My Heart Is Really Broken :(

For three years a coworker of mine (male)...I'm female...came to visit me in my office. There was an attraction...lots of chemistry...and we developed an emotional connection and very good friendship. I was not in a good place in my marriage and going through counselling when all this was happening.  I knew this was bad because I'm married...we spoke about this and he said he didn't care because he felt like he'd known me all my life and he didn't care..He wished I would leave my husband and follow my heart....All this said...all that we shared and now I can't even look at him.  There were these so called ah ha moments when I was with him.  He would go on and on about his brother's new very young good looking girlfriend.  His friends are mostly females...all in there 20's...he is in his early 50's.  No matter where we were he would always point out beautiful women or tell me about them when he encountered one...
I finally told him he was hurting me as I felt insecure and that I valued different things...I didn't feel I needed to know that a big breasted woman was his waitress and that on his vacation there was beautiful eye candy at some restaurant he went to.  I felt so undesirable that I told him...men like him are the reason women like me don't leave our bad relationships because we are always being compared to these so called beautiful people and don't feel worthy.  When he came to talk to me he didn't say sorry...he just just it's a guy thing...but I'm not a guy...I'm a person with feelings...and he just didn't get it.  All I wanted to hear was I'm so sorry I made you feel this way...I didn't realize I was hurting you..  Since then there's been no contact ...I can't even look at him and try to avoid him because I am so hurt.  I lost my best friend and a man that I looked up to because of how emotionally connected we felt.  My heart does hurt, really does...I have all this anxiety and heart palpitations when I think of what this relationship of ours has come to.    Then I think I probably deserve to feel this because of how attached I got to him when I shouldn't of.  I feel worst than I did when my father or dog died....I think I really loved him..even though we never shared any feelings.  I don't know what to do?  I'm a mess...
jants jants
51-55, F
3 Responses Sep 25, 2012

I love that saying "A boy will make his woman jealous of other women...A Man will make others jealous of his woman." :)

No it didn't cost my marriage??? I never said it did...

I unfortunately can't offer any advice, but I can relate. I too would be very upset if a man I was with compared me to other women. I feel like he shouldn't be attracted to other women if he is with me, and really loves me. I know this is not the truth, and I know it will never happen. I just wish for a story book romance that I know I'll never have.