It's Like A Bad Dream

I'm pretty good at keeping things to myself but I also know when to let it out. It hurt quite a bit more than I lead on. I don't like people making a fuss over me when I feel down, especially when it happens so much that when I talk about it people get mad at me for being upset frequently. Well what's a person to do? It doesn't just magically heal and healing take exactly as long as it will take, sometimes that's years.

I'm speeding up the process by learning to love myself and living in a semi happy state of love, but it can be overwhelming, especially when you feel alone. Some people don't get that you can be surrounded by people that love you and still feel completely alone. You say "I'm lonely" and they say "I'm right here. You're not alone" they don't get it but that's ok, it's just how they are. We're all different, nobody is supposed to be exactly the same. That's the point of it all.

I know this current thing is my fault, not totally (nothing is ever totally a singular persons fault) but it's karmatic retribution. It doesn't feel fair though, I was different, I was a numb soul drifting through a life of meaningless annoyance. It's kinda like waking up from a really bad dream and looking for someone to hold you, but you realize they're gone now. It's like looking at someone else make choices for you and then paying for the consequences yourself. That couldn't have been me, or maybe that's what happens when you lose yourself. Staying lost would have felt a lot better...

The only thing I can do now is atone for the sin and push forward with positivity, love, and hope. You manifest the experiences in your life through every choice you make. It's ok to hurt, it's ok to bleed, it's ok to cry, but most importantly it's ok to pick yourself up and push through to another day.

SamsTaxiDerby12 SamsTaxiDerby12
22-25, M
Dec 12, 2012