I Hear Ya.

I've been wondering why it is so darn hard to forgive some people in my life for some pretty minor offenses. Then this morning I woke up with some insight.

My trust level (measured on a scale of 0-10), on any given day, is about 0-.000001. To let my guard down even an inch takes time, LOTS of time (months, years). So, all it takes is a minor offense to write that person off completely (obliterate the trust).

Truth is, I don't feel comfortable with anyone on planet earth. There are friends I've known for decades, and yet, my guard is still up.

I imagine most people are born with a pretty healthy trust level. But, yeah, as we begin to encounter people who are unsafe, we start to close people out. Not just those who have hurt/harmed us, but everyone. (And in my case, when those injustices hit one after another after another, the damage can seem irrepairable.)

My questions to myself today....

1. Is anyone on planet earth trustworthy?
   a. What do I mean by trustworthy?
    My answer: Is there anyone on planet earth who won't hurt me or fail
    me?
    b. What do I mean by fail me?
    My answer (condensed): Fail: lie, not keep a promise, say hurtful words,
    talk bad about me, not include me, won't apologize when they've 
    wronged me, will not meet my expectations (yikes, that last one really
    got me).
    c. Is there anyone on planet earth who can keep that list of "
    requirements".
    Answer: No. Not one.
    d. Can I meet those "requirements.
    Answer: NO.

    2. Is it even possible to meet someone's expectations?
    Answer: No.
    a. Why?
    Answer: Because a person's needs can be too wide & deep for us to m
    meet.
    Only God can truly see their needs and meet them.
    Because a person's expectations can be deep/wide/diverse and  
    impossible for even God to address (it's not His plan to meet all of our 
    wants, but to grow us up, and to get us to the point where we'll trust Him,
    let Him love us, heal our hearts, and enable us to love others.)

    But, what can I do, on my side, to ensure I'm trustworthy?
    Try to be honest/truthful, keep my promises, let my words be filled with k
    kindness and favor, include others, don't close them out, value their r
    friendship, apologize when I've wrong them, admit when I'm wrong.

The "trust no one till I die", seems to have been the underlying mantra of my life. But, at my age, being in the last third of life, I want to share where this 'mantra' has gotten me.

No phone calls. I get more birthday cards from businesses, than from friends. Friends that used to love me have distanced themselves, because I made them feel bad for something minor they've done. It's rare that I laugh. It feels like there is something wrong with me. In a bad way. While those I've cut off go about enjoying life, I am sad and sullen. My inability to cut people some slack has cut me off from some things I really enjoyed. Those I distrust are on my "dangerous" list, which fills my life with a certain dread and looking over my back. I've not been on a date in 7 years. Who would want to date me, when a 'hatchet' is hanging over their head 24/7?

So, before you embrace this way of life and think it's the best way to go, know that when you reach your later years, it may not work as well as it does today. And it may cut you off from the happiness you seek and deserve.

That doesn't mean that we need to trust everyone. There are some people who are unsafe. But, maybe we can measure that "unsafe" person we've encountered in the past with that new person in our life. And maybe doing a comparison, we'll be able to see that they are not one and the same person. That new person may be just like us, minus the hatchet.

Thanks for listening.


An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 19, 2013

And actually it wasn't you holding a hatchet over their head because you did t understand these things. It's just a simple fact that your mind, heart, and spirit are severely wounded, so you have no capacity to endure additional wounds - they can literally kill a severely wounded person. Such a person needs a trustWORTHY loving, kind person in their life.

This is a good piece.

At the end if the conversation though, the wounded person can run all these internal mental games they want, but the fact is they need loving, lasting intimate relationship, which is what they never had and where the wound was originally cut (by their own parents or other caregivers).

Internal mind games of positive thinking and attempts to shift ones outlook only gets one so far.

Good piece. I don't trust anyone either. My experiences have turned me into a slightly cold person. Sometimes I won't even help anyone who needs help, because I'm afraid they aren't deserving of it. It's pretty messed up.