I Don't Trust Anyone
I think it is fundamentally possible to trust someone-- but it is rare. Rare. The only reason I believe certain people are trustworthy is because I am. And that comes with a caveat. I might betray if you hurt me badly enough: if you hurt me to the core. That said, I don't believe that person deserves my trust anyway, although believe-you-me, I feel really bad about myself. Knowing that I am flawed and weak enough to betray myself. I believe in my principles. Dignity means the world to me. So when I ignore my principles, I feel weak and that is the worst feeling. Weakness = vulnerability, and I prefer to be vulnerable when I feel safe, am with some one I love. What's more, when someone trusts you with something huge, it just feels evil-- EVIL-- to demean them and their experience, no matter how effed up they are towards you afterwards. That's why I can't accept someone back into my life after I've betrayed them /they've hurt me. Except for one person: my sibling, who I feel inexplicably bound to. But I've tempered my emotions and limited our interactions so that I don't fall into the madness again. I can't.
Lets reverse the sitch. If I trust you, I will treat you the the utmost respect and consideration because I know how special it is to trust. I think it is a huge responsibility on both parties. And lets face it, folks aint big on responsibility.
Fools.
*Update 9/25/08
I'm not even gonna reread what I wrote. I don't trust a damn person 100%. You can "entrust" someone with something but it's a gamble you have to be willing to take and you can't burden yourself by thinking anyone is fully reliable. Oh please. People suck.
