Torn =(

 the reason i am like i am is because of my past my mom had crappy relationships where they did nothing but fight and argue in front of me and to this day if someone raises their voice i flinch. my experience of not trusting began with someone in high school and long story short i got my heart broken mixed with my childhood makes for a potent mistrust not only in relationships but friendships as  well. Since high school i have only one friend that i still talk to and also someone I've known since moving into the town i lived in now for 10 yrs.

so thanks to a good friend setting me  up with this perfectly nice, sweet,funny guy who i have talked to a few times now both on Facebook and over the phone. but it seems i'm having problems letting go and actually meeting him in person and its not even been a week yet. I just don't want him giving up on me for taking too long and opening up about my past is going to be hard for me to do. i feel there could be something there but my holding back is keeping us from moving forward should i explain this to him? 
   Another thing is living with my parent still, holds me back because she doesn't want me to grow up(what parent does), i haven't told her that he is 4 years older than myself. I am holding back from my mom because i find that she would want  me to not date him because of this. I really try to tell myself let it all go because you have to learn from mistakes right. I do see some type of improvement though because earlier i was very upset and instead of calling one of my friends i was going to call the guy i'm talking to but thinking and doing are two separate things. i thought about it but i also thought what if he is busy and i'll feel bad. I really like this guy  
  ps i wil let you all know what happens maybe i just need some encouragement 
adorabledespair adorabledespair
18-21, F
Sep 19, 2011