Thanks Mom and Dad
My dad made sure I felt worthless. he threatened to disown me. I wasn't allowed to cry and if I did he would threaten to get his belt out and I knew what that meant and stopped. whenever I had something I was proud of, both my parents would say something along the lines of, "everyone can do that, it's nothing special" or, "it just looks like all the other kids' art." or, "stop being selfish, not just you can do that" or if I wanted to do something they would say, "what makes you think you're good enough?" or, "why even try your not going to get it/get on the team/win anyway" all I have known for my whole life is yelling. my dad yelled at me and I lived with my mom and her then boyfriend who fought all the time and he would tell her things like, "if you don't shut up I'll take that steak knife and stab your f-ing eyes out" he told me to shut my mouth all the time and if I played with my toys downstairs he would say, "take it upstairs or it's going in the fire" we had a fireplace that usually had a fire going in it. my mom also yelled at me uncontrollably. she would get drunk and go into rages.