Perfect Date..then Poof!

So I ask the perfectly suitable, nice guy in the band I've just joined to come to see Herb Albert and Lani Hall with me if he'd like to buy the extra ticket I have. He thinks about it a few days and does buy the ticket. All is plutonic and that's fine with me, although I think he's nifty. We arrange for me to pick him up at his suitably nice house and we enjoy the concert together very much with a lot of fun chatting and getting better acquainted before the show. I totally expected that it would be just two buddies from the band taking in a great live performance (a big deal in our little town).

However, he ends up treating me to a slice of birthday cake and a cupajo afterwards at a romantic restaurant and it seems we've ended up on an actual date. And to end a perfect birthday he gives me a sweet kiss goodnight. It was friendly, fun, and as I said the perfect first date. Does he ever call back? Does he act like we are friends at the next several band practices? (He's the conductor)

No! I'm just another person in the room. He's friendly to all, but there's not one iota of extra friendship directed my way.

Well I'm too proud to act like I'm hurt but I am. I'm just playing it cool (one of our numbers is "Satin Doll") but geeze, why would he treat me this way? We are both in our 50's and he knows I'm divorced for 3 years now. I just know he's obviously not married but didn't pry into his personal life.

He's so nice. Surely he isn't being "mean" to me. And we're too mature for "teasing around" like teenagers. But I'm completely baffled. I can't figure out why he would kiss me if he didn't have any hopes of dating some more.  Any ideas out there from anyone who's been single longer than I have? I was married for 20 years to a totally nice, guy and we never had drama or game playing, so I guess I'm naive. I know my 40-something daughter thinks I'm very bad at picking up social cues.I am not a boring or unattractive person, Neither is he. I can't imagine that this fellow has a girfriend and was kissing someone else.....he just seems too straight for that. He's a plain-jane  junior high band teacher for cryin' out loud. I don't understand men!

strawberrystar strawberrystar
56-60, F
3 Responses Mar 4, 2010

lifeinthecloud, your insight was it! Truth has a ring to it and what you said was wisdom. Thank you. It brought me the peace of mind I needed and a nice affirmation to boot. You're good! I keep hanging on now, to what you said, and it has helped me to just appreciate this guy as a friend and have no residual resentment or hurt. That was a gift to me from you and I'm grateful. I hope you get the same kind of meaningful gift from someone else now. Strawberrystar

Thanks for the supportive response. I do want to say though, I truly don't believe he is a "jerk" which is why I'm so befuddled. Jerks I understand. Nice guys that are good members of a happy community (band, school, the town etc.) who kiss and then act like there's nothing special between us I don't get. Sorry to learn your coping with a broken heart. Have you heard the new Kutless Song That's What Faith Can Do? Check it out. One of the lines is 'I've seen miracles just happen, broken hearts made brand new". Hang in there!

I am sorry he treated you like that. At least you found out what a jerk he was before you commited years of your life to him for him to hurt you even more. Keep your eyes open as well as your heart for a guy that will not only give you a perfect first date but great ones that makes your heart sing the rest of your lfie! You deserve it.