Not Happy With The Way Things Have Turned Out

Its really hard to put into words how I feel, but I just know I am not happy with myself and haven't been for a long time. Now a days I lack motivation to do anything, I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings and I struggle to do my university work. My life lacks routine.

I was never happy with the degree course I chose, but never had the guts to quit and do what I really wanted to do, by the time I realised i truly do not like what I was doing - it was too late to turn back. Now I am graduating soon and the thought of being in a job for the rest of my life that I am not going to enjoy is horrific.

I don't put any effort into anything anymore, when I was a child I was the complete opposite and was so motivated to do things. Sometimes I wish I was a young teen again (I never went through the rebel stage), where the world was my oyster, but I don't feel like that anymore, I feel like I'm going down a one way road and I can't turn back. I haven't told anyone how I feel and what my true dreams are because I know my family would disapprove of my sudden change of heart.

I struggle to stick at anything either. Mainly dieting and exercise or any form of hobby. Since starting university my weight has increased and I find it impossible to lose the weight I gained, I just eat aimlessly because I am bored or because its something to do, I am stuck at home most days because I am finding it difficult to get employment. My weight problem is really getting me down, and has done for some time.

I feel like I have lost the old me and I am a ghost of my former self, I just want to be me again, but don't know what to do to get there. I spend most of life day dreaming of what could be and what has been, I need to stop living in the past but I can't. The only time I am happy is when I feel nostalgia from my childhood / younger years when everything seemed perfect. Things have changed a lot since then which I believe is a contribution to my unhappiness.
LollyMarv LollyMarv
18-21
1 Response May 11, 2012

You said it all. So, you know the problem and you know the solution. So, if we do not work on the solution, what is the use of talking further.<br />
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The diagnosis you gave is: "I was never happy with the degree course I chose, but never had the guts to quit and do what I really wanted to do, by the time I realised i truly do not like what I was doing - it was too late to turn back. Now I am graduating soon and the thought of being in a job for the rest of my life that I am not going to enjoy is horrific. "