So when your not happy, you tend to think and think about it, trying desperatly to understand why, or what may be stopping you from being happy...well this is atleast true for me.

Over the course of a few years (from when depression came into my life, til now) ive had many theories on why im not happy, and every time i come up with these theories i guess it sets me a goal or mission, Do "this or that" and ill feel much happier, so since ive had a few years to try and beat depression, ive set myself a fair few goals, with the hope that breaking that particular barrier with bring me the ability to be happy, each time i achieve one of these goals, im left disappointed, because it brings me no closer to happiness. At the same time, ive been able to make massive changes to myself thinking like this, such as big weight lose, breaking through some fears, pushing myself ect.

At the end of the day i feel no closer to happiness, dont get me wrong im proud of myself for some of these changes ive been able to make...but there comes a point where i need to feel the emotional changes too, whats the point in changing how you look, act and interact with others(beleiveing doing so will make you feel better) if your not getting anything out of it. Sure you will gain more confidence, and probably wont be as hard on yourself as you may have been before these changes, but it all leads to the same place which happens to be another question, or goal.

Ive enjoyed much of this self improvment, im completely differnt to how i was 5 years ago, i look COMPLETELY different, i socialize in different ways, im just alround an improved version of my old self, a much improved version. Im proud of that, i really am, but thats not enough. Im sick of looking a being different to my old self, without feeling different.

Ive been on a ladder of change, and im happy to be climbing it, but all these changes are having little to no effect on my depression, im sick of it. How is this fair? If pills/exercise/self development/changes cant help, what the **** can??. Does it end?...Its not looking good....

username13 username13
26-30, M
3 Responses Mar 22, 2009

i feel exactly the same way. When I step back and look at big picture, then job is great, family life is good, could be better but good as expected, and love life is good. So why cant I enjoy. I feel you. i want to wake up feeling great. What gets me up is realizing most are not happy at waking, then I go for coffee, news and shower, but still wonder how others do it. I want to do it happy. I dont.

Your probably right. I guess time will tell.

Maybe you need LOVE. <br />
<br />
Or maybe you're biochemically depressed.<br />
<br />
I think with me a lot would change if I felt loved by somebody. Then things don't seem so bad.