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Tough Love....

  I am still confused by my adoptive parents and how they have reacted to us, their adopted daughters. Sadly one of the stories that my adoptive dad usually likes to brag about is how his wife, my adoptive mother, was found to be unable to bear kids. Since it was a dream of hers to have children, he allowed her to adopt the three of us while also taking in foster kids. But if they so really loved us, why did they do what they did to us?

  When I was growing up, my adoptive dad had so much plans for me. Many of these plans ended up including a college of some sort as I was the smart one in the family who would probaby make it their. There were so much more discussions and dreams but they were shattered at the beginning of that hot summer in 2005, my senior year.

  That whole schoolyear had just been a farce, a living nightmare while my adoptive father kept bringing up tough love. He had decided that he couldn't stand living with all of us so as soon as I graduated, he was going to return me to Ottawa even though I had no place to go. And each time he told me this, he would start mumbling about tough love.

  And it was tough love that found me as I laid in the bottom bunk at the shelter, peering at the words that had been scrawled by others before me. My mind couldn't seem to wraparound why I was here, why they could be so cruel as to leave me like this and why it had to be me. There were also the various loops of my broken dreams, taunting and sneering at me from the darkest edges of my mind thus the tears came without command.

  Even now I have asked of my stepmom what it was that allowed them to send me off like they did. I tried to bring up the fact that it was dangerous for a girl to be on the streets, all the problems that she faced and why were they never worried for me. To put it bluntly, she told me they had always known that I would survive unlike my sisters. 

  And still I cannot understand how that was warrant enough for their actions, how they could allow all of our dreams to shatter as they did and how they could push me so completely from the nest. Even now my heart shivers with quiet rage, it aches with the loneliness that I suffered from my own parents and it's confused still with how they could do this even as it tries to forgive them for their part....

Dormantdrakon Dormantdrakon 22-25, F 12 Responses May 10, 2009

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Wow I'm really sorry! In a way I can relate to that though. You are not alone, God still has a great plan for your life!

Inaudiblesnow your words are full of wisdom, especially the truth that women don't always make the best mother material and not all men make the best father material.



I am definately concentrating on myself, on putting a path into the future away from the past and yet I am still not sure of what I want to become. In a way I guess I am still seeking from those days of yore for whatever it is that one might seek for.

Neither do I Onaquest and I have tried to bring up the difficulties that a child on the street faces with my parents. There reaction was that they knew I could take care of myself. And the stories I had read beforehand about kids being on the street were heartbreaking since they stop being people within months.



But thank you for your good will!

Tough love itself is an idiotic notion, I believe, but there is no love, soft or tough, in casting out a child to live on the streets. No one deserves to go through that. I hope your life is filled with joy to make up for the "tough love."

Thanks Benny for the vote of confidence since that is the one thing I lack for myself.



And I am hoping that you are doing well....

Sadly I can't say that I wasn't a rebellious or hateful kid, Bennyblack, when I was growing up since that was the robe that we had to wear to survive in my home. The saddest thing was that we weren't raised that way or were that way until the stress of the divorce turned everyone else into a monster.



Fortunately my slate is clean when it comes to the justice department. I don't know if it was plain luck that helped me on that account or the stupid reason that I must be too much of a "mental-case" to work with *shrugs*.



As for the military, I tried it. They made us to take the test during my junior year while I scored high enough that all the branches were begging for me. Sadly I don't meet the weight requirement (I am over, not under) so if I lose it, I can take the test again and join. Sadly I have tried losing but it just won't go away LOL.



*Gives Benny a big hug* Thanks for info and advice, I will be taking a look into it so I can get on my feet....

*Blushes* Thank you Andrew for your kind words. Sadly I cannot say that I am completely bitterless for I do have my days where I just want to snap at everyone but I am grateful that they are getting less and less with day that passes.



*Gives a big hug* And your nephew sounds like a jewel. In a way he reminds me of myself at his age although I made it worse for everyone it seems. Somehow I couldn't grasp the concept of a Jehovah's Witness so whenever we had parties, they would sit out in the hall while everyone else got treats. I would save mine up then go out in the hall to split while they kept telling me I wasn't suppose to do that.



Sadly enough I think we take too much of what makes kids kids thus we wonder why the world is so bad off. Anyway after my experience there is just no way I can allow any child that I might have to be adopted out or put in foster homes. The futures are usually dark, used and abusive although I do know that there are also the good homes but they seem hard to find.



Anyway thanks for your comforting words,

Julie

Oh no, rosedrakon. My heart is breaking for you, I wish I could have taken some of the pain for you. There's no excuse. Especially when people take it upon themselves to adopt children as their own. I can feel how loving you are. Even my nephew, who is 3+, is very very loving. Children just love, they do.


The idea of him being cast off alone -- at any age -- for somebody's convenience just devastates me. When I ask him to share a cookie with me, he snaps it into two, examines the pieces very carefully... and gives me the bigger piece. He once collected supermarket stamps like a little scrooge for nearly three months for something I though he wanted for himself, but he gave it to his nanny. She cried. Children are naturally good, and loving, and... grateful. They are trusting. This was very sad, I'm sorry it happened to you. Nobody deserves that.


Based on this story, I love you very much, I admire you for not sounding bitter. You were a good child, even if your adoptive parents didn't know it, and you sound like a wonderful classy person. For what it's worth, I love you.






Take care,


Andrew

Thanks Lorraine *bear hugs back*.... It truly was quite a shock to me but I am happy that I had a teacher who was able to help me find a shelter that could take me in until I found my feet. There are people who shouldn't be around kids while others should be blessed even more so since of their concerned time spent with those kids

Rose I was shattered that they would even THINK throwing you on the streets was tough love......my heart goes out to you.....hugsssss, Lorraine

Hey Lashanda, it's been a while since I have seen you around. I hope that all is doing well.....



And it's true that we will never understand what our parents do or how they react.... If I had a dime for everything my parents did and that I understood then I would be rich but sadly I am not.

we dont underder stand what are parents do

i never did.

my mom was mean to me i thought.

she and i never got long.

she love my cousin better i think.



lashanda