Me Neither

I don't understand why parents disown their children either.  I was disowned and my parents haven't spoken to me, answered my emails, or responded to snail mail in 4 years.  They have no interest in knowing their new grandchild although I sent them the birth announcement and pictures.  I even invited them to the wedding with no response.  Of course, I don't know why I'm surprised.  I was told at a very young age over and over again that I was not wanted and that I'd be better off dead.  Even though they were very cruel and abusive while I was growing up (and even into adulthood), you think I would be thankful that they are no longer part of my life and in a sense I am.  But there is a part of me that cries at night because their love was all I ever wanted and its the one thing I could never get.  I have to sit here and watch families eating dinner together, watch movies about families, listen to songs about families, see photos or articles in the newspapers about families - it makes me sick.  Its just a reminder of what I don't have - what every one else takes for granted.  It's like a slap in the face, salt in the wound.  So why do I cry if they were cruel to me?  I guess because every little girl wants her parents love, no matter how old they get.  I just wish I knew how to heal from this.  Often I think that one day my husband and kids will disown me too because they will figure out I'm not good enough.  Although common sense tells me this isn't true, I can't help but think it sometimes. 

trios2009 trios2009
31-35, F
Feb 8, 2010