Some Prime Examples

don't ever let anyone poop on your cornflakes darlin'... you go right on smiling and being you

I have found that in my life there are many times that I have been hurt by people I love and comments and actions made by others. It's painful but I remind myself that some people think by hurting others they are boosting their ownselves to a better level when it truth they are only showing their on ignorance. None the less it is still painful.

Fortunately we don't run across people like this very often in our lives, and, as MakingPeace says, it's when these people get into a position of power that we really have to be concerned... Hitler, Stalin, Hussein...



But in terms of our everyday lives, I think we just need to be aware that people we run across have various motivations for their behavior - like MakingPeace said, cruel behavior is often a front for a hurting inside - we've all pbly done this to an extent - yelling at your kids or spouse, taking it out on them for how you're feeling inside, for example... So if we think about it in this way, perhaps we can start to have an understanding of why a person is acting in a certain way, and have a bit more patience, a bit of compassion even, for them and not automatically label them as a 'bad' person. If we mentally place this label on them - of 'bad' - then we are going to treat them in a different way than if we assume they are really a 'good' person who is just misguided, lost or hurt and who doesn't know any better.



For me, when someone is rude or acts cruelly towards me, I can often take this better than when I see them acting this way towards someone else, particularly someone I care about, or a child, or someone in the minority. That is when I get my back up and come out fighting in defense of another who is in need of some defense. But if it is me, I try to let it slide off (depending on the cicumstances) and give them the benefit of the doubt - to a point. I won't let them abuse me, but I will try not to hold it against them, knowing that I dont have a full picture of their motivations.



Sorry to have gone on so long, but it's something I feel strongly about - hopefully it made sense and I hope you would agree - we shouldn't just assume things about other people without knowing what is behind their actions.

Dee67 and MakingPeace, I do agree.



Also there are people who are simply deranged or have a type of mental illness so that cruelty is something they enjoy. I do mean a very extreme type of mental illness ie sadism. Then there are the people who lack empathy eg the Narcissic Personality Disorder.



What a lovely world!

I think that people being cruel to others comes from different motivations, inclinations. Many people are cruel because they are hurting, and its a way of getting some power back, they feel like cats in a corner, backs to the wall- so they fight and spit and no longer feel powerless. I think most of us act from that kind of motivation sometimes, and I tend to be more patient with folks like that, people acting that way. The ones that bother me more are people in positions of POWER who use cruelty and abusiveness in order to keep that power. Ann Coulter exemplifies that, she doesnt really have any power beyond her writing, but she makes a living out of speaking cruely towards others. Until she gets a taste of her own medicine, will she ever change? I dunno.

*split sits back and just listens*

Hi Bluegrass - I have to admit, I feel like I get trampled on sometimes, too, and there are times when you need to speak up and stick up for yourself. But I guess what I'm saying is things are hardly ever black and white - mostly shades of grey, and when someone is rude or acting in a way we disagree with, we may not realize what is behind their actions and behavior and we should try to deal with them without going further than necessary... know what I mean? Hopefully this makes sense, and you may not agree... this is just imo. ;)

Dee, good point. Speaking for myself, in fighting back it would be with the aim of helping the person to become a better person, and not to sting them. Indeed this is in the spirit of the Dalai Lama in respect of 'good intentions'. 'Good intentions' being (as I'm sure you'll already know) being important in Buddhist teachings.



I do believe that many people just do not see the bad effects of what they do and need to be brought up short.



I used to be always honest, kind, nice, putting other people first, never answered back, took a lot of sh*t without retaliation. But life's hard old knocks have made me be tougher recently. I find people treat me better if I 'fight back', but as you say, from the right place! :o)

Yes, sometimes it does seem necessary to do this.. I have certainly done it myself. But I guess I'm thinking it depends where you are coming from in fighting back... hopefully it is from a place of wanting the person to realize something you consider important in order to help them to be a better person, instead of a knee-jerk reaction meant to sting them... know what I mean? If it's the latter, then what, really, are you contributing? Just some food for thought, that's all. In the spirit of the Dalai Lama's quote above. :)

Dee, these are beautiful quotes from the Dalai Lama who is of course a very special person.



I have to say that I also agree with what Marji said; some people IRL, a minority, just do not get the message and have to have things thrown back at them to see what its like. I don't mean something very horrible. They can be too thick in the head or simply lack compassion and only realise what the pain is like when they have some of it themselves.



I have seen this in real life.

I'd just like to reiterate..



"Our greatest duty and our main duty is to help others... and please, if you can't help them, would you please not hurt them?" ~The Dalai Lama of Tibet



To me, this would include the people who aren't so nice. Not an easy thing to do, *I know*, an ideal perhaps, but something to think about.. :)

Yeah, it doesn't matter who or what you are, on here we are all the same, it's just our personalities that make us different. The ones out there doing all the cruel stuff, well, it just reflects who they really are.

You are better at blunt than me my Marji... and so proved it! SMOOCHES!

Well said!!

WOW the little story that could... *giggle*

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."

Samuel Johnson





"The true measure of a man is the degree to which he has managed to subjugate his ego."



Albert Einstein



I agree with both of these men and MSP.

I dont have an answer for you dear one..... I do agree completely with you. I also love your quote..... its perfect as well as perfectly true

This is so weird, I just read a similar quote by the Dalai Lama the other day!! It was,



"Our greatest duty and our main duty is to help others... and please, if you can't help them, would you please not hurt them?"



I'm making this my new motto. I think EP should also adopt this as their motto. What do you think?

i concur MSP!

Excellent post, and wonderful qoutes, thanks guys! Have a wonderful day!

yes

All I can do is agree with you here.



DD I have learned from these teachers as well.

Thank you MSP, I agree with you ... hope to life to witness the day we won't need this kind of group ..



Peace to all

I think that the people writing the hurtful comments are people walking around with a lot of hurt inside, and the only way for them to deal with it is to hurt others. Sad way of dealing with it, and I pray that they will change and find a more productive way of dealing with their pain.

haha. Hmmm.... Maybe a big mallet that hits him in the head?

nnaaa... he's probably like it!

He's asleep and doesn't wake up!!!!



I need to make his phone give an electric shock.

SO CALL HIM! GGEEZZZZ!!!!

AWWW so prettiful it almost made me cry

Hahaha. Am I rambling?



I should sleep. I am okay.. I can't sleep though. I need to hear a certain voice to sleep.