I love them to death and I know everybody says they don't understand the opposite sex but it's really true for me.  Women are very confusing.  If they like you they pretend not to after a while.  I've seen this happen a lot of times.  A woman seems interested at first then she seems distant all of a sudden and I become confused/disinterested.  I've read that women do that so you'll pursue them but I don't get it.  You try to make someone like you by alienating them?  Oh well, I've got more on this topic but not right now.
ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
22 Responses Jun 4, 2007

Ellycy....I wrote this story nearly 3 years ago. I had gotten out of rehab a few months before this and was having serious issues with depression. I've made a lot of headway since then. I've got a girlfriend now that I've been seeing since Nov.

By the way, I realize these things were written like 2 to 3 years ago. How are you doing nowadays? Have you figured it all out? What are your new insights into opening up and understanding women?

KarmaFred, that is THE BEST explanation I have ever heard. Reformed, I am in exactly the same boat as you are. I always thought playing hard to get is the stupidest idea ever. And then girls wonder why men settle for the easy girls? Not that I'm interested in settling for anything. <br />
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Just when I thought I understood women (most of my lady friends are quite loud and talkative), I got interested in this new girl who is absolutely amazing but quite different to what I'm used to. She's rather quiet. Witht he women I'm used to, that means they're irritated, angry, upset or there's some sort of problem you need to be aware of. With this girl, it just means she's content, happy, thoughtful, enjoying the moment, tired, chilled...or irritated. Extremely confusing to me. I hate not knowing where I stand....

Thanks Elleevers...that is some really excellent insight. I do think you are right that it's natural but it's taken me a long time to grasp that. I have someone I'm interested in right now, really interested in. It's complicated but we're doing the push-pull thing. I'm just trying to hang on but I have been backing away when she does and moving a little forward when she seems receptive.

It's a natural phenomenon when two people are going to move in the direction of intimacy to pull back and move forward. Children do this as they break away from their parents. It's not really a game, but a slow progression into merging with another human being. When this is occuring, each person should follow the moves. When she backs away, you back away. When she comes forward, you come forward. Also, it is very important for both people to feel that the other person has a life in his/her own right so they neither feels that they will be responsible for someone else's life. When you feel complete in your own right, you can casually go through this human ritual and relax with it.

All things take time. Learning how to open up is a "Babystep" type of thing. A little bit at a time. Men and women are very different. If you or the woman play games it becomes that much more difficult to understand the way to behave or what to do next. Honesty's the best policy. Tell the woman what you like and expect . Just do it in a nice,non threatning way. Good Luck,I think. Is it a year already Pre? hahah

Thanks so much Mommatrish....that really makes a lot of sense the way you put it. I know women don't intentionally make things harder on men (not most of the time!) but I guess I was just never taught by my own father what to do and what to look for. I'm getting better, learning to see signals and take action. Thanks for your comments, they were funny and much appreciated :)

I am glad you are doing better and not depressed. <br />
Can I add something to this ?<br />
If I may I'd like to add something on a woman's behalf. Of couse I can't speak for ALL of us. <br />
However Do you think that part of a woman "playing hard to get " could happen to be ... maybe how she was tought to act. I will use myself as an example to help clarify what I am trying to say.<br />
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I know as a young girl and to the age I start getting crushes and wanting to talk to boys...ect.. <br />
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My Mother and Father both came very upset. <br />
As for myself I was raised there are certain things a lady does not do. One of the worst whippin I ever got in my life is because I called a boy from school. I was about 16.The worst was when I was 17 talking to a guy across the fence of our back yard. lol<br />
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I was taught #1 Ladies don't Flirt with Men that made us "easy" <br />
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#2 Ladies don't tell a Man she likes them .( If the feelings are mutual then HE wil make the moves.)<br />
I never understood that. I always thought why would he if he don't know I like him too. lol<br />
#3 Ladies do not ever call the Man. <br />
My alltime favorite... If give HIM the milk for FREE he's not going to buy the COW. LMAO<br />
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I laugh at all this... but I really believe that is has a big part on how I present myself around a man especially that I am attracted to. The last thing any woman want's is to be treated without respect. My parents tought me IF HE thinks your cheap, or easy ( I am using nice words compared to Daddy) He is not going to RESPECT you.<br />
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Even if I just want a booty call I still want respect. lmao<br />
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To go into this any deeper will have to be another story @ another time. lol<br />
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I think it is natural when we are attracted to "you" that we give off signals.

yeah, thank you perfumehunter, I must repeat though that this story is 7 months old and I'm doing a lot better, dating, feeling less depressed. I wrote this right after I got out of rehab last year, I was not doing so well...very depressed.

Well Ellycy, I wrote this story about 7 months ago so things have changed. I was very depressed then and my entries reflect that. I've been doing better recently and have been dating someone for the last few weeks. It's been really nice, we're getting along and not making things overly complicated. It's nice :-)

Really reformed ^_^ you should stop dwelling into confusion so constantly... Each woman is very different so you don't have to understand all of us, just the one that interests you eventually. Things are not so complicated really.

God I wish I knew!! They certainly won't tell us (shhhh, here's a little secret....bluegeorgia I don't think they even know what they want)

Despite my years of research into the feminine soul, I have not been able to answer... the great question that has never been answered: what does a woman want?

Plenty of men know how to play the game just long enough to get what they want and then pull out. You may not like men very much and they play dumb a lot. But many of them are doing just that and manipulate up there with the best of all female manipulators.

Thanks constant...you're right, I know you're right. I just feel the same way every day and I'm tired of it and don't know how to change. Everyone says you just have to open up, let go of the past, love yourself, etc. I know these things I just don't know how to do it.

belive it or not there was a time i was unable to express myself, my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions, my needs and desires, etc. for whatever reason i simply couldn't form the words even when i wanted to. perhaps it came out of past hurts, perhaps it came from how i was raised, there was no telling. the more i thought about the more frutrated i became with myself realizing i had no one to blame for this but myself because it was something i knew was there and recognized as a problem yet i'd let many relationships parish because i refused (or didn't know how) to change this. when i realized i had nothing left to lose anymore and everything to gain by changing ... that's when i put down that defense mechanism and began to slowly express myself those around me. at first i stumbled often. many times i upset people because i failed to think about it before speaking to them. i acted too quickly on it. thankfully i've found the happy median wherein i think about it for at least 24 hours prior to saying anything. this allows you to air out your emotion and when you do confront the person you're able to do so without sounding confrontational or negative in any way. but the thing is, you have to be willing to let go of your past. you have to want something enough to let your guard down. this is a transformation only you can perform. and you have to want to do it for YOU ... just like so many other things in life. i wish you luck with this.

well, I'm sure most guys love to work around that and many of them know how to come across as sincere when they are not. I am the opposite. I am sincere but I don't know how to come across that way to women. I just can't express emotion. I hate that about myself.

i can't help but comment on this one ... alobar is right by saying we are ALL crazy! sure enough we are. the thing of it is is to find someone you can be crazy with, who 'gets' your crazy and you 'get' their crazy. it's not an easy thing to find but when you do ... it's wonderful! as for women playing hard to get ... according to a discovery channel documentary on what attracts the opposite sex; men and women both play hard to get to a degree. they said women do it longer because it supposedly assists the man into the 'hunt.' as if we were still cave people and you could go to town and drag some girl back to your cave! nonetheless this method blows! i've never been one for cheesy self promotion and i want to venture to say it has to do with a maturity level. so you might want to investigate your motivations behind what you're attracted (the type) and why...

Emerald, Sometimes you should just keep things to yourself. It's so cliche it's not funny. Sid, they're all effin' crazy and so are we. Don't waste any more time trying to figure it out. Practice guitar, learn another language - anything you can do to bide your time, do it. Ya know, if we'd stop spending so much time trying to figure out the opposite sex, we could end world hunger and be exploring the universe - happily. It would be time well spent. I'll be playing at Ego's Sunday night BTW. Come out and say hi. We'll comiserate.

it is a testing thing...one fear of many women, whether they know it or not, is that they are being settled for, or that they are just the next name on the list...this isn't dangerous and can be dealt with if it turns up later, but do understand that in just as many cases as women are hard to understand, men suck and we have developed a number of defense mechanisms that we think protect us but in turn only confuse the well-meaning men who did not earn these shields :)

Maybe it's just the kind of women I'm attracted to but those are my experiences. It's the playing hard to get thing. A lot of guys like that. Probably most. They are supposed to pursue and enjoy it. I don't enjoy trying to talk someone into me, to sell myself if you will. You either like me or you don't. I'm not going to chase anybody around or at least I haven't learned yet.

I hear the shortest book ever written is: What Men Know About Women. =}