Troll.... Troll! I Spotted Some ****

For Illiteratetroll: Candy, Cookies, ****....Oh my! :-o

There I was in the market.... Veggies ( check ) Fish
( check ) Icecream ( check, check, check ) I was pushing my buggy down the international aisle, which I only do, time permitting. Troll, my dear pal, YOU have been keeping a secret! There on the tippy top shelf, next to the English biscuits, and other English treats, was D!ck in a can! ( eyes wide ) Heinz Spotted D!ck, to be exact. Thinking d!ck in a can might come in handy, like right now, I bought it. And for $6.99 this had better not be some limp Richard, it had better be good ****! It is spotted, not that I'd be choosy... Hell,who could refuse quick d!ck, it's even microwaveable! ( YES!) I kid you not, they recommend serving the d!ck on a bed of custard!!! Can you believe that? WAhahahahaha.....

I hope to be able to save this treat for a special occasion, but just knowing I have spotted d!ck waiting for me in the cupboard... Well, my hands are shaking. I would like to tell you if this foreign d!ck pleased me, Troll... But I keep that part of my life to myself.

But, I just might move to England where d!ck is made and more readily available. ... And to think, you cheeky mare, you kept this D!ck thing to yourself! ( decircles )
Kathieredart Kathieredart
56-60, F
9 Responses Jan 15, 2013

this made me laugh so hard. I will look carefully next time I'm at my grocery store. i live in the bible belt though i am certain that spotted **** in a can has been banned here.hahahaha

Yes, they are down on ****...

would it be crass to ask ....yes it would be crass lol

Hahahahahaha..... Nowi'm the one laughing! " do carry spotted ****... It comes in a can."

it might have to do till i get me a man

Can't you see I'm in a jam .......

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LMFAO!!!! Hysterical.... that was awesome...

I'm not kidding, there it was on the shelf, " Spotted ****." The spots are raisins.

I believe you! Oh shriveled up raisins to make you think it was from a really old one? ;-)

awesome read, thank you. my cheeks hurt from smiling so big.

You really liked it? Don't just **** around with me...... Rahahahaha

giggling... you are witty and funny. I enjoyed the "whole" page, you interacting with others on their comments.... too funny.

OMG :O...............................*faints*

See what happens when you have to work those extra long days? I get bored, I go to the market, then I find myself writing a story about spotted ****. So you see, this mess is all your fault and it's kinda like you walked in on an accident, a baaaad accident .

Spotted **** (in a can, no less), ****-a-leekie soup, Mozart Balls, and...yes, even Nut Goodie...seems like there's a gender bias here. Fish taco, anyone?

Hahahahahaha .... Stop it Boz!

Hey you started it! I saw "Spotted ****" and almost choked on my tea! The imagery is awful...either disease or ginger junk....either way...ick. :0)

Silly..... It's raisins.... Nom, nom, nom....

Oh...I should have known that SPOTTED **** HAS RAISINS...please tell me it gets worse.

Wry cnt tawk, my moffs ful..

Ok...that's worse. Thanks. Can barely type I'm laughing so hard...oops...I mean laughing heartily (bowing to the Queen of the Triple Entendre).

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You can get **** in a can over in the UK? That IS convenient! Do have the **** with the custard or does that come after?

it's a matter of personal preference sciguy ... I like mine at the same time ...

What she said, she ought ta know! Thanks for your knowledge Bliss! ;-)

I don't know this Illiterattroll all that well, but this was very funny.

Thanks for reading this silly story... I appreciate it... :-)

Excellent story Kathie ... yes, we Brits know a thing or two about **** ... as trollydolly pointed out ... Heinz wouldn't necessarily be the best example ... in fact I find home made, wrapped in muslin and steamed is the best ... lol ... and yes, on a bed of custard preferably ... ! delicious

( is soooo embarassed it is now exposed the when it comes to ****, I'm a hick) I think I will find a recipe on google for ****, and create a steamy groove of my own! ;-)

oh indeed you must ... you can become a **** connoisseur! :)

Crying with laughter, I only hope you aren't disappointed upon eating your ****, will Heinz live up to your expectations, I have to confess to previously being clueless that British **** was now available in can. I reckon there's better ****'s available to you than Heinz!

Who cares??? It's d!ck! My very own d!ck! ( hold in coffee so as not to spew)

Troll, I don't see suet listed... This must be healthy d!ck: Water, sugar, wheat flour, raisins, Partially hydro. Canola and palm oils, nonfat dried milk, cane syrup, on and blah blah blah.... Health food !!! Ha!

I suspect Heinz's **** would make anyone spew!

Real **** has suet, can't imagine the Heinz version???? It must be hundreds of times worse than the 'school' version of ****, I suggest you keep it as a conversation piece, I wouldn't advise putting 'that' anywhere near your mouth!

I think I'll just keep what could be nasty d!ck on the kitchen counter

Very wise, some dicks are only good as decorative objects!

Hahahaha... There are pretty d!cks, then there is Heinz... I gotta stop this, fun as it is... I don't want people to know I'm only human....

That ship has long sailed mate! You were 'outed' as human sometime ago............

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