Afraid

It seems like each and every time I open myself to someone I end up with a broken heart---sometimes it is of my own accord--sometimes I am culpable but the vast majority of times it is from the other person

unrequited love
their obsessions and quirks
or they just lose interest

i fall fast and hard in love
so easily
and then once again i get my heart broken
u would think i would learn my lesson
as each and every time it happens
it seems to hurt more and more
sometimes even for longer periods of time

and yet that need to feel loved
the need to connect w someone
that is into everything i am into
who understands my humor
who understands my needs wants and desires
who gets my kinks
drives me onward
drives me to exploring more
to attempt to find that love

but once more i am left to ask myself the question
how can i find someone without getting my heart broken in the process
others say its possible
mentally i know that it is
but deep down in the heart
i really am not so sure
am not so convinced

i wonder if its an anonomly
i wonder if there is really someone for me

sometimes i feel so destitute
so alone
so despondent
so very broken

its like the heart has broken into a million pieces
and can't continue beating on again

i dont see how i can find what im looking for
without going through such hurt
such pain
such heartache

not sure i can take much more of that

i guess there really is nobody out there that gets who i really am
who the true me is

i am left feeling undesirable
unwanted
unloved
not needed

i wonder why i am even in the world
i dont do nobody no good whatsoever

i can't take any more of having the heart broken
and cast aside on the dung heap
discarded with the broken bottles

maybe though that's where i belong
in the rubbish
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

I feel kind of like I am about to kick you whilst you're down but the truth is, it is not possible to find real love without opening yourself to possible heartache. I think you only know when you meet "the one" when you put your own needs and wants on the line and make yourself vulnerable. If you do indeed meet the person that is meant for you, you escape heart break but if that person is wrong for you, you will only find that out by showing them your whole self. I think the key to fulfulment is to learn to accept yourself for who you really are. Believe me, there is someone out there who will appreciate you just as you are.