Bad Temper, Bad Choice

I am an angry person... I have a lot to be angry about... but to let angry take over your every fibre is one of the most unhealthy things to do...

Anger has been almost a weapon of choice for me for 2 reasons:

The first, being raised and incouraged to supress emotions at an early age, I found myself developing anger issues as a rather obvious outlet..nothing strange or unusual there.

The second, I found anger to be such an exceptional and useful weapon during the crappy high school years, that it made it impossible to resist: it kept me focused, motivated,  energetic, and it was a formidable defense cause when you have 45 people against you, intimidation by anger is a powerful tool to keep yourself safe....

It's a sad thing to admit that anger was the only source of my energy and drive for those 4 years...

Now, the two main problems:

1) You're bound to end up alone, and that's a crappy place to be.
2) Anger gives you as much of a fake energy as alcohol gives you fake warmth. In reality anger is exteriorizing your own energy in the worse posible  way. In the end you are not able to keep it going as it has effectively drained you form your energy....then you are completely vulnerable which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place...

So, now that I am alone and tired at an age I shouldn't be, I believe this is the right time to try and let go of the anger so it does not get what's left of me
I know....I realized it a bit late...but I'll work on it
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Jul 22, 2010