Happy With My Choice

I have nothing against kids - if you really want them, you should have them but don't complain endlessly about the down side of it all after you do.  And do me the courtesy of not assuming that  I am selfish or abnormal because I don't share your enthusiasm for the little dears.  Just as some people can't imagine a good life without kids, I can't imagine  a good life  with them. 

After years of listening to women around me, including my own mother, ***** and moan about how hard it was raising kids, I decided at 20 that children were not for me either.  Fortunately, a physical condition and subsequent medical procedure rendered me permenently child-free.   I have no, and never will have, any regrets.  I have too much that I want to do in my life, things that would not be possible if I had a child to care for, including volunteering my time to help others as often as I can.  I will never have to worry about babysitters, temper tantrums in large public places, teenaged angst, drug use, unwanted pregnancy or any of the woes that can and often do accompany being a parent.  I do realize that there are many joys to being a mother, but in my case, the pluses never outweighed the minuses.

I only wish that more parents were as at ease with their decision as I am with mine.  There might be fewer abused and unwanted children in the world if that were the case.

Solidad42 Solidad42
41-45, F
102 Responses Jun 28, 2010

I completely respect your decision and I have many friends who are childless by choice I never ever see them any different , simply in my mind people choose different things and that is what is awesome about difference, I do feel however feel that if I choose to ***** about the downsides of having children I am defiantly free to do so. I have 5 children ranging from 14 years-17months & I love them more than anything they get all of my money most of my time and they are adored in every way but sometimes I need to vent just like a normal person. There is so much good in things but there is also the little bad things and I believe that anybody who endures both has both the right to brag and to ***** :) Good on you for having a voice about your choice though many people wouldn't for fear of persecution

It's amazing how much of a lightening rod this subject is. <br />
<br />
I particularly find the rude comments amusing. If it makes you feel righteous/powerful to call me names and denigrate my character while hiding behind an alias, knock yourself out. You're not hurting me a bit. I've lived through far worse. <br />
<br />
To those of you who have been gracious and posted thoughtful responses, even if you didn't agree with me, thanks very much. It's great to hear a different perspective. To those of you who are of the same mind-set as I am, thank you for your support! :)

I read an article in the New England medical journal that staked the claim that having children lowers their parent's IQ and erases their social skills. Whenever I bring it up I get more flak than you could imagine. The thing is, however, that it makes sense when you think about it. When you have a baby and spend all your time with that child, watching it or learn and develop you will stop thinking like you did before. You start thinking at the baby level and spend almost all your time that way. Where do you think that will get you, you will lose IQ points if you don't keep working your brain. The social skill loss is because of the same reason. That's why parents with kids don't understand that those of us without them don't want to hear of every "amazing" thing their kid learned to do lately. Especially when everyone else that ever lived had to learn the exact same things. And they think that their children are going to be the next Einstein, like nobody else ever learned to walk, talk or not poop them self!

I wonder about something: Could the reason that people bug their friends and family to have children have to do with humans' inherent survival instincts? For every species on earth, reproduction is key to the survival of the population. It also allows a family to continue--when grandparents, aunts, cousins, and parents die, the child will be there to carry out another generation, and maybe to start a new one, ensuring that the family line won't disappear. <br />
<br />
So, could people who have already assisted the beginning of a new generation be unconsciously or subconsciously saying to their childless friends/family members: "Hey, I noticed you haven't reproduced yet. Shouldn't you be starting another generation by now so your family will survive?"<br />
<br />
Holes in this theory are that:<br />
1) This is invalid unless the childless person is an only child, or if they have siblings who don't have children either. If their siblings already have children, especially more than one, the family's survival is taken care of. <br />
2) The human race as a whole would not benefit from reproduction at this point. We're overcrowded and overpopulating the Earth as it is. This survival instinct is only hurting the children that we birth, because they'll have to suffer the consequences of overcrowding once we're gone. <br />
<br />
Number 1 could be explained as a backup system (What if something goes wrong in the other children that makes them unfit for reproduction? What if they die without reproducing?). If every member of the family's current generation has a child, preferably more than one, the odds of the family line's continuation are increased. <br />
<br />
Or, it could be part of human vanity/pride/sprituality/whatever. We all want to make a mark in the world, don't we? And most of us aren't ready to die, even when our time comes. Our children are made of us--they take their physical features from us, and what we instill in them often determines who they'll become. There is life after death, and that life is through our children. Pieces of us moving through life, leaving their mark in the world, reusing our blood in their own children. <br />
<br />
Wow. That sounded so hokey, didn't it? <br />
<br />
Number 2 can be explained by evolution's speed and function. When **** hits the fan, evolution steps in to catch it. Humans are overpopulating the Earth, but as of yet the negative effects of this are not widespread enough for natural selection to eliminate our need/instinct to reproduce. (This is a shame, as stupidity easily and often gets its way in this world. Since pretty much ANYBODY can survive in this world we've built, especially if they're corrupt ********, anybody can reproduce and breed a new generation of corrupt ********.)<br />
<br />
What do you guys think? Anything to contribute? Did you see other holes in my logic? Theories of your own?

I want to have y own kids. I would have to say that there are people who should not have kids. A aunt and cousin of mine should have never had kids. They just sit on their ***** and yell at their kids. Its mo wounder that they have problems. My cousins little girl wants nothing to do with her. Her dad has her full time. I don't blame you for not wanting to have kids. Pets can be your own kid.

I understand this sentiment. I don't want children. Whenever I tell someone this they look at me like I'm some kind of crazy. They seem like way too much of a hassle and I can sometimes barely stand having an animal around. At least with animals, if they give you too much trouble, you can just give to someone else, or give them to the humane society. Children are a bit more of a permanent problem.

Solidad42, your decision is totally valid and it is YOURS. I agree with you whole-heartedly about your reasoning, and love hearing that you do spend your available time helping others. I never wanted kids. I love them but I was having a difficult enough time trying to get my life in order, let alone having to do that plus be responsible for the upbringing of others. As it turns, I have 3 girls and 2 boys ranging from 21 years old down to 5 years old. I love them dearly but there is so much I'd love to be doing yet can't because of responsibilities. <br />
<br />
I am partly responsible for them being here and as such I provide and look out for them, but there are some days where I wish I could pick up like I used to and go do things. I love motorcycles and before kids I would often go for rides on a moments notice. Maybe those days will come again - just not right now. <br />
<br />
It has been fun watching them grow and seeing them being kids as they make observations and decisions. It's a sacrifice - that is just part of the deal. And yes it can be stressful.<br />
<br />
There are plenty of kids out there without a dad (or mom, or both parents) in their lives that can use someone like you to spend time with them doing things. Anything. I think that is what Big Brothers and Big Sisters is all about. People like yourself that have the free time can make the difference in someone else's life, which would not be possible if you had your own responsibilities to look after.<br />
<br />
I hope you are having a wonderful day enjoying your life and the lives of others! This is your decision, this is what you decided, enjoy it ... and don't let anyone rain on your day! ;-)<br />
<br />

You are just right. Better not have a child than have one and complain about it. I want to have a son one day, only one. But that if i have complish the things i want to do with myself.

What bothers me is that there are so many days to "Honor" the people that weren't responsible enough to keep it in their pants or were too drunk to use protection and popped rugrats out but there are no days in the year to honor those of us who were responsible enough to not have "mistakes" who we grew to love! Where is the "Happy Singles Day!"?

omg, there are so many comments and its rated up to 77????? <br />
i wish i could write something like that... lol<br />
but seriously i totally agree with you, i think when u really want to have children, you should be prepared of whatever is forthcoming, let alone the expense, the time, facilities, education everything, if not than why involve the child to endure what he doesn't deserve, thanx for sharing, i liked reading your post :)

Ever since I can remember I didn't like the thought of having kids. When I was say around 6 years old I told my mom that when i'm older I want her to have my Babies and stay home and take care of them while I went to work. Lol can you believe my very young imagination thought of this?? I guess I was taught that you HAVE to have kids. I remember thinking that when you got married you automatically got pregnant but sex was the option. I was so backwards lol. Anyways, my point is I've never wanted to have children. I'm very perceptive to how people feel but not at all responsive to their emotions or physical pain. I'm not one to come to when seeking comfort and i'm not very apathetic. When anyone even friends of mine cry or get upset, I shut down. Honestly, I think that if I had a kid/s, I don't think I would show them enough love. I would love them but it would be tough love. Im only maternal to my animals and belongings. AS Silly a that might sound. I definitely want pets of all sorts but no little ones. I think it has to do with the fact that I hate when people constantly depend on me. Like a boy friend. I don't date for this reason. and the fact that i'm not the least bit interested in getting married or even being in a serious relationship is probably slightly related to the children thing. I'm selfish, I don't like worrying about other people, and I definitely don't like people's idea that you have to 'change' when you birth offspring. I will never be a good parent and i'm perfectly aware. oh yeah another big thing is i'm scared of being seen by everyone. And I hate attention... I don't mean any disrespect to people with children or who want them. This is just me and it's not how I see myself living. even though I absolutely adore OTHER peoples kids. To me, most kids are interesting entertaining and hilarious. I've fallen in love with a few kids in my life but I can't do it 25/8. so I love it when they go home. I really like the idea of being a teacher. Either Kindergarten or juniors or seniors. Any whoooo I hope my post helps at least one person or feel any other type of emotion. If I helped you at all, please contact me :)<br />
Thank you and may God Bless you and all the little ones.

Best decision I ever made is to never have children!

As a dad to two amazing grown kids, a grandad to my daughters son, and an uncle to the brattiest niece on earth.....I do it again in a heartbeat. I respect your views on not having kids.<br />
I do.....there were moments I wanted to choke my daughter for doing stupid things....sneaking out at 2am to see her BF or getting into the drugs. But there are moments I cherish as well....watching my son ride without traiing wheels for the first time. Holding my daughter in my arms after not seeing her for over a year from overseas. Watching my niece try her first time behind the wheel at 14. So I guess you get the good with the bad as well. It's funny how life works out like that

I think it takes a strong person to realize they do not want children, and not allow themselves to get talked into something they know wouldn't make them happy. There are enough kids in the world who grow up feeling unloved and unwanted. As one of those grown up children myself, I can tell you how crappy it makes you feel.<br />
<br />
I never had the "dream" of having kids while I was growing up. When I was 22, I got pregnant with my daughter and the decision of whether or not to have kids was answered. I love my daughter to death, but wish I had waited. 22 is young to have kids. And while I love both of my kids, I don't think the subject of having kids is something that no one has the right to judge or pressure another one into.

Singing to the choir, not for everyone. Don't understand why people with kids always feel compelled for you to join "their club"

I do not have kids and I'm 46. I don't regret it. I felt my help could be better put as an Aunty and extra hands. Its worked out well. My mother didn't guilt trip me about having a child either

You took the words right out of my mouth. I agree with you 100%

I as a woman who has always believed she was meant to be a mother agree's with you 100%. From my perspective I care about people to much to want a child, or even the irresponsible parents' lives ruined by a baby being born into a family that will treat it badly. No one needs that. I respect people who make their own decisions. I am pregnant and have had the longing for motherhood since before I was 10. But that is me. I wouldn't be having this child if I didn't want to love this child and give it my all. Plus I also hate temper tantrums and that is why I believe in discipline and in NOT bringing small kids to things like vacations. It is stupid, a waste of money and a nuisance for EVERYONE there. There are way too many lazy parents and spoiled brats out there.

I think it's a good thing to set your beliefs, many people deny their true feeling and end up harming others because of it. Though if i were to say something else it would be that we change constantly, and at 20 years old, it's hard to set anything in stone, things will always be there to come along and change your ways, whether you like it or not, they can have a hard impact for good

People should carefully consider parenthood. Many don't. I think most of our problems originate there.

I think you are correct, I would assume lot peoples are actually not prepared for parent hood

Does it matter people whinge and moan about their kids, having them, not having them.. I don't know. It seems like people are damned if they do and damned if they don't. I guess I"m saying that its quite ok to have kids, just as it is quite ok not to have them, for whatever reason, medical, lifestyle choice, religion.. whatever. People are free to choose how they want to live their lives. They also, unfortunately, can choose to ***** and moan about those choices. Sometimes people just want to be heard, share their feelings, their misfortunes, or just share the load. The weight of their feeling can sway all so swiftly from venting and sharing to whingeing, whining and almost victimising themselves. And that is hard to stomach for most people. I try to practise some good manners and healthy compassion when i get into those situations that i find hard to continue, I then follow it with a little sides step right out of there.

I totally respect your decision :)<br />
I'm sorta the opposite. I want kids and I absolutely love them. But I feel like it's a personal choice whether or not to have kids. I have friends who actually admit to me that they abhor kids lol, and that's the way they feel about it and no one should change that. Having kids is a big deal and yes they can be a pain but it's the parent's responsibility for bringing them here, not theirs. I feel like if one does want them, he/she should be prepared, financially, emotionally, etc. and have planned having the kid. Everyone says you can't be ready for kids but there's a huge difference in the kid's welfare when the parent has a stable home, mind, income. Anyways, again, I totally respect your decision because of its logic and because it is so essentially unselfish in nature. Take care.

strange how we forget that we were ever kids. if your parents hadnt wanted kids, you would not exist. kids are just young adults wanting to be trained for the world.

"if your parents hadnt wanted kids, you would not exist" What's your ******* point? None of us asked to exist. Self-centered breeders forced us into existence.

I just went to a funeral last Wednesday, it was a woman who didn't have kids, she was very old, had no one to take care of her, so she spent her last days on a nursing home. On her funeral the only family of her there was a sister and a niece and then the rest where from her church and a choir she belonged to. That made me think on the great gift that it is to be able to have children, raise a person with the values and principles you learned, maybe that person can change the world.....I would like to have children one day, because there's great blessing on that. I asked a mom how do you learn all those stuff on how to take care of kids, she told me that it's if like God gives you the handbook along with the baby. I also think that is not for everyone, but you see the great results when you get old and you only have your kids. It's my opinion.

Having offspring is no guarantee that they will like you or even be around to care for you in old age, moron.

When my husband and I got together, we both agreed that we didn't want to have children. We had both helped raise our siblings and had enough by the time we were 17 and on our own. And, no, it's not because we don't love children, because we do, we just knew that it wouldn't be right for us, and being an epileptic, I was having enough of a time, taking care of myself. <br />
<br />
But, one thing that we have done, which I love is that we adopted what we call "surrogate" children. And no, not in the official sense, but in the personal, emotional sense. As our friends were raising <br />
their teenagers, some of them had common issues, and the kids were having a hard time opening <br />
up or even getting along with their parents. So, our door was always open. We knew the parents as<br />
good friends, and we told them that their children were always welcome in our homes. <br />
<br />
For example, there is one young man who we've known since he was 8, as he became a teenager,<br />
he had some problems in school and with his stepfather, so we invited him to come stay with us for a while. If nothing else, come hang out with us in the afternoon/evening and know that he could talk to us about anything and everything, and we would offer love & advise. He did stay with us on a number of occasions, and he knew that he had a second home. If he needed to, he could call, or come talk to me at my office, and anything that we talked about would be between him and me. His parents were very grateful as we took some of the pressure off of them, and I was able to make the relationships between them and their son easier. So, everyone benefited. I got a wonderful "son" who now has two sets of "parents" and we are all great friends. Although he is all grown up now, he still comes to me for help and advise. We have about 6 kids like this, and I couldn't be happier to have been able to help, and I love them all as though they were my own children!!

I have to applaud your honesty. I, myself, have 3 children whom I love dearly and wanted to have very much, but realize my choice isn't for everyone. To me it is far more unfair to the child for a woman to have a baby because she thinks she should, rather than because she wants to take on the challenging, humiliating, most wonderful ride of her life. Don't let others make you feel guilty...if that is how you feel, then you have made the correct decision for you!

I have to say this the way I feel it and please don't take offense but you sound a bit bitter. Raising children is a lot like any other life experience. It's going to have it's ups and downs. Yeah, it's hard but also rewarding. Fellow moms understand what I mean. And while we may complain about the hard parts, we also share the good stuff, which there is a lot of.<br />
<br />
It is not for everyone, I know. My friend decided that for herself, too. so if you don't want kids, it's fine. You're at an age that even if you could conceive you'd likely have a rotten egg baby anyway. But just know that there are a lot of parents who take pride in raising children who will one day be contibuting to society in a positive way.

Stop trying to sell your breeder BS.

"Just know that there are a lot of parents who raise children who will one day be murders, rapists, racists, sexists, and homeless. They will be contibuting to society in a negative way" Fixed.

Hello.<br />
I am a 33 year old Caucasian male who does NOT want children.<br />
It is a fact that on christain website sooooooooooo many females WANT children and so it is realllllly hard to find someone who does not want kids who is a chrisitan. I just want a HASAPPY life with a young lady who does NOT want kids and who has a possitive view on life.<br />
I am 5 ft 7 ( almost 8) and live in Texas, but I would like to move to a cooler State if that is possible.<br />
If you the type of young lay I am lookig for is RARE.<br />
If you are interested please see my profile at christiandatingforfree dot com. My screen-name there is GodsTruthAlways.<br />
Thanks for your time.

Ditto. I am in my early 40's never been pregnant and I know I made the right choice for me. I've never wanted children.

Good foor you! I think women should feel free in whichever choice they feel is the best. For me, I am with you. I love my little niece, but I also love the fact that I am not responsible for her at the end of the day. I can't wait to get a career, save money, and see the world! Maybe I'll change my mind, and maybe I won't. At this point in my life, I look at the marriages around me and see utter chaos and hatred. I don't think I'll get married. I think some people just aren't meant to. Not to say that you can't get pregnant without marriage...my point being just that I don't think I'll find a man I want to share my entire life with, and baby makes three. Anyways, good story!

one of my dreams is to get married and have a family, i want kids. But to be honest, thats all children are. Childeren are not needs, they are wants. some people realy dont need childeren or a family, i know what your saying.

Amazes me that people still insist on telling you that they have kids and how great they are..JEEEZZUZZZ people, didn't you read a damn word she wrote?

Well stated.

Nothing wrong with that. Some women feel the need (must be a biological thing) and other just dont. Its cool. I dont know why so many women think they are doing society a favor by having a child. Merely adding children to this world does not make you saint. There are so many helpless children in this world, why add to the misery?

i will say that its every1s choice on having children and how u have to care for them and stuff if u have them but the kids wont be around living with u forever....oh and pets also require like the same care, so wats the difference between pets and children?.... im not trying to bash ur decisions or say ur selfish or watever but there is no difference really between animals "pets" and children

I agree with you. I have never had the desire to have kids, and I constantly get told off by people because of it. I have nothing against kids, I have lots of siblings that are much younger than me, and I love spending time with them, they are adorable, but I dont want any of my own. So tired of people telling me I have to have kids, or I'll never know real love and the endless story by people who didnt want to have kids either but then they got it and it changed their life for ever (obviously having kids do) etc etc. Well if people want to have kids, have them, I dont, and am not a more selfish or loveless person because of it. Good luck to you!

we are the same. Med condition stops me, and the things going on in my life are way too important and I need time to fix it.... I actually am put of the idea of marriage because I live with my sister, who's been married for 4 years and I because of seeing her and her hubby argue about some things , and seeing my parents argue also, puts me off, completely, on the ob<x>ject of marriage. <br /><br />
<br /><br />
Can't imagine myself with kids anyway. I don't look the type. Sadly.

well with that attitude you really shouldnt have kids. But im sure deep down you do want to have a child but cant, because of your medical problem. But it is good that you accept it.

Nope, sorry, don't want 'em even deep down. Didn't want children when I could have had them, don't want them now.

I am a female and I agree with you I dont want kids either there is some plus sides but lots of down sides and I wouldn't wanna see my child grow up in the world we have today and theres way to many kids as is that need homes why make more cause soon enough the world will crash with problems why make more people go through it? Help the kids already here dont make more to make a bigger issue in the future since theres enough problems. If anything I would say no one have kids ever get rid of them and just let the world die already **** everything, sorry if you dont like what I say but its my opinion and this is the perfect place to share right? Dont get me wrong kids are great at times but to many is going to cause a problem

I agree with this completely. I was in a long-term relationship with a woman who didn't want kids, mainly because during her teens, she had to take care of her 10-year-younger brother, while her parents were out partying all the time. So she spent her formative years being a mom against her will, which gave her a bad taste of motherhood. Not to mention that she had hormonal problems that would have prevented pregnancy, and I didn't want kids myself. But nonetheless, we discussed the issue and hit upon all the reasons mentioned in this forum. And, since we loved each other we didn't need to love kids. (Besides, she enjoyed other kids in her family anyway.)<br />
<br />
Having kids certainly isn't the right thing for everyone, and there are other ways of fulfilling nurturing instincts. I know a married couple in their early 50s, who vacillated for a long time on whether or not to have kids - and are now childless, having missed the boat. But they make up for it by having pets.<br />
<br />
However, it was nice to see both side of the debate presented so rationally here. If people chose to have kids or not to have kids, they should make that choice for the right reasons, and nobody should be made to feel guilty about their decision - as long as it was made for the right reasons.

wow I am finally home people who understand me lol i never felt any urge to have kids I felt briefly omg I can have kids but didn't WANT them cause i was only 13 or so lol and obviously didn't mean i will have kids i just meant its possible and freaky feeling to know my body could do that. but other than that I'd rather have pets.. then again pets die and leave a large scar on your heart I htink those who have nothing probably have it best although its wonderful when you do have another thing around you like a dog cat or bird or even fish, or lizard or some form of life. just wish it didnt' come with the ending scar when they die or run away etc. i had big dreams as well and well had lethargic parents that didnt' want to help me with homework for more than 5 minutes and said I was annoying them and would stop and walk off(egoistic as all hell) i can't even go canoeing with my dad without him doing stupid control freak actions like taking a paddle that is twice as big as mine and expecting me to keep the momentum whenn its supposed to be same size paddles and same strength and steering is no less possible with a smaller paddle. I'm happy I have had no kids I'd rather teach the world and well I am a starseed so I just want to do this life and get it over with and move on.(yeah I believe in another side etc) but that's another story. ..

There is nothing wrong with not wanting children. In fact, if you are sure that you don't then you shouldn't. I personally have always wanted kids. Ever since I was little. And I do have 2 little ones, and it is hard to raise them, but I feel like anything worth something is going to inclilude some hard work. I love my children more than anything in this world and I am one who cannot imagine life with them not in it. But some women just don't have what it takes to be a mother, some don't want to he ave it and some just never get that lucky. Everybody is entitled to feel the way they feel and I am glad that you decided to take measures to not have unwanted children instead of having resented children.

[b]bamato[/b]<br />
<br />
Not all people make career or/and earn money "in order to have something to leave to children", they do it for their own pleasure and satisfaction. Not for everybody leaving-something-after-death is the only sense of life. I agree that really small % of people make the world better from global point of view, but if somebody is happy because (s)he has the job (s)he enjoys and the life (s)he wanted to have, I would say that indirectly the world becomes a little but better, because one more person is really happy. Much happier than (s)he could be if (s)he lived like others him/her want to.

I actually didn't mention leaving any kind of material wealth behind I'd apologize for implying that, I don't mean to sound like I am rich by any means! I just had the realization that a world centered around the self and only focusing on my own short life's interests is short-sighted in my opinion. Sometimes the most difficult things are the most rewarding. Raising children/family, allows them to see a life of enjoyment too, all the while (hopefully) growing love in the world. I mean, if our parents thought "Kids aren't for me" we wouldn't even be able to discuss the matter.

No, I didn't mean material wealth only, I basically meant passing your genes etc., and material things mostly as a means to do it. I myself don't need it. I don't care what will happen after my death :) and if my parents had thought the same way I do, I simply wouldn't exist, and what? Life can't be lived in subjunctive mood, anyway :)

Good for you. I remember well meaning people telling "settle down, have a couple of kids, THEN you'll be happy!" It galled me to think that it was assumed that my most important function in this world was to breed. I had no intention of settling down, and I figured that there were already plenty of babies being born. Why did I need to contribute any more of them?<br />
<br />
Years later I did have a child...a "nice surprise", as I used to tell him. I hadn't intended to get pregnant, but decided to do the mommy thing anyway. He's all grown up now, and I love him dearly, but quite honestly, I wouldn't have missed the experience if hadn't had him. <br />
<br />
Women who don't want kids shouldn't let society pressure them into being brood-mares. We have way too many people in the world now. Plus unwilling parents make for unhappy children.

I'm a 32 year old guy, and I knew for a long time that I wanted children, but I didn't quite know why exactly. Back about 5 years ago, it donned on me that all I was doing; working hard, amassing wealth and building a home and security is really all for nothing if I can't use it to raise children. I reached a point where I realized "What is all this for? Am I meant to just amass money and accumulate material things?" Most careers in my opinion are too highly esteemed and vastly overrated in the sense of their social worth. Of course you have the few people whose careers actually make the world a better place, but 95% of us are just making some company rich by the sweat of our own brows. I don't want to say when I am on my death bed "What worth did my life have?" with the only answer being that I made a bunch of employers a ton of money. I want to look upon my children and know that I have provided them the best start I could, imparted as much sage wisdom and sound advice as possible, and loved them the best I knew how.<br />
<br />
I am not saying everyone should need or want children, who am I to judge? Just sharing my thoughts on the subject.

I work as a librarian/educator at a small college, so my job does impact the world in a positive way. I respect your opinion, I just don't agree that one must have children in order for a one's life to have worth. If that were the case, Mother Teresa's life could be seen as useless and futile.

I totally agree with the topicstarter, it is a right, not obligation, and people are free to choose. They live for themselves, not for anybody else's opinion. It's sad to know that most people treat you like a freak, a non-human or whatever just because you live the way you want to live and don't depend on society's "moral norms". In my home country being childfree is even worse than being gay or lesbian. So much pressure. So much misunderstanding. Especially when you're a woman over 30, it's just a nightmare. One of the reasons (though not the main one) I moved to another country. I've never wanted to have kids. I was fed up with my younger brother (despite I love him) and don't want to repeat this experience ever in my life. I am happy with my cat, but even cat limits me with travelling, for example, I can go on vacation once or twice a year and ask smb to take care of her, but can't accept any job offer with travelling on a regular basis. With kids it would be even more complicated, at least till they grow up. I am more or less OK with children over 10 and even teenagers, but babies for me are nothing but a source of irritation, especialy when they scream, I can't stand these sounds anywhere, every time I buy a flight ticket I pray not to see (and especially HEAR) any babies on board, why should I want to have my own? I don't believe that my own child's sounds will be a "pleasure" for my sensitive ears, and I don't want to be a bad mother, whose child just irritates her, better not to be it at all. I don't want to follow traditional family model just because everybody else does, and the most difficult thing is to find a childfree partner... such a rarity! Call me selfish, call me monster, I don't care, it's anyway better than do what you don't want to do and make two people unhappy: the child (because with a bad mother he will never be happy) and myself (because I am never happy when I do what I am forced to do).


i really enjoy this post! for the longest time i have yearned to have children, but now that ive been with my hubby for 5 years married almost 2, im not so sure any more if i want children! i have all those worries u mentioned as well as health concerns from both sides of our family! not to mention im also afraid of being too old when they grow up. and 1 other major factor is that im also not so happy in my marriage at this time, and have been having an affair! i feel terrible about it too but i dont feel guilty if that makes sense. anyhow i do agree with what youre saying!

I want to remain child free.

I have the best furry kind of child who gives unconditional love, grateful, loyalty, etc. Just look at my profile pic and you'll see.

I was at one of my third youngest brother's wedding and they already had two sons, then 2 more after that! One of my sister's in law asked me when I was going to get married and have kids of my own. I told her "I don't want kids of my own, they stink, they're noisy, messy, expensive, annoying, whiny, bratty..." she said "You can't say that, but all the men nearby were all nodding in agreement to everything I said. It was funny because the women were offended but when I remind them of that moment whenever they complain about their kids they get even more offended. I'm perfectly happy being an uncle... you can spoil em rotten and when they get unruly, hand them back to their parents!

I totally agree,lol. I love babysitting for my friends and RETURNING them at the end of the day, but hey.. that's just me and the way I choose and am comfortable living my life!

I'm so happy to hear there are Women in agreement with me and who feel the same way! I never played house as a child, didn't like dolls or anything of the nature and throughout my entire life I have never had any desire to have a child. There is so much more to life and so much more I can accomplish before my time here is up... Not to down Women with children or anything to that effect. I just do not want those things for MY life. I honestly think Women (those who do) have children at such a young age or old age either way and want the *hubby and kids, stay at home Mom thing* should REALLY at LEAST get an education or trade of some sort before having a child or while they are young. Life is so unexpected with many twists and turns and you just can't depend on anyone but God. (That's if you believe and have faith in him) I mean what happens when your wonderful hubby turns your life upside down and leaves you stuck with bills, children, daycare and everything else.. There you are with no way of supporting yourself.. and ugh, must I even go on? Everyone knows the outcomes of those situations, so not only do I have no desire to Mother or Parent, I have no desire to depend on a Man.. To have a partner one day and share love with a man yes and maybe even in the far off future marriage but no popping out babies and staying at home granting my husbands every with because that's what people tell me the normal way of life is and I need a husband and children, blah blah blah blah. Who are you to tell someone that? Everyone is not ment for those things and that is not the only thing that life consists of or is expected of a Woman, come on!!!!

I didn’t want to get married or have kids and now at 30 I’m married and I have a little boy. Even though he was unplanned, I cannot imagine my life without him and I strive to be the best mommy I can be. I had to start on antidepressants because I always wanted to be a career woman. I made huge sacrifices for him and I denied many great opportunities for me. My husband, family, friends and even co-workers insist about me having another child. To be honest, I am having trouble taking care of one never mind two or more. I prefer to be a good mom of one kid than being a bad mother of two.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let others make a child bearing decision for you. The people who are pressuring you are not the ones who will have to care for it. Stick with one. Sounds like that is all you can handle. Good for your for knowing that.

Solidad, thanks for writing this piece. It's exactaly the way I felt when I was younger. I still am glad for my decision, but I'll bet I was the only 19 year old trying to get a vasectomy. I didn't like being a child and I wasn't crazy about the children I grew up with. I decided if my peers were average kids, I sure wouldn't want them for my own. My own parents seemed to think I was quite a burden.<br />
I'm delighted, too, with all the responses. Looks like this is a popular topic. When I was dating and mentioned that I didn't want kids, most women wouldn't go out with me a second time. Good to know that some things have changed. I'll look forward to reading more "like minded" articles.

Right there with ya honey. I decided at the age of 8 that I would never want kids for my own. I have the exact same look on it and feelings as you do. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids, it doesn't mean you have anything against them, they are just not for you. Having kids is a life changing decision for good or bad its a choice. And its up to you to make, all that matters is if we are happy with the choice. And you clearly are so kudos to you for knowing where you stand and what you don't want. :)

Well said Solidad42!!! applause applause!

I'm a parent and love my children very much, but I agree with your standpoint. The parents that choose to breed then complain endlessly about the hassle just anger me as well. I respect your decision, and definitely agree with your final statement. I was abused and all those years, I was wondering why I wasn't aborted or put up for adoption if she didn't want me.<br />
<br />
I also like that you say you have nothing against children but that you just don't want them. It makes accepting and respecting your decision all the more simple. Your explanation raised no negativity in my mind like most others do.

I am baby crazy, love those babies....But I admire your honesty and your very mature choice to remain child free, I wish others were as authentic, there would be much less suffering in the world.

Love on, my dear! You sound like you are what a child needs, 24/7 for 18+ years. I, and others like me, are grateful for loving mothers - they can do the job we could never manage.

I think that it is good that you know before hand that you don't want children and have chosen not to have them. It is better to not have the kids in the first place than to have them and not want them. No child should ever have to grow up feeling unwanted or unloved.<br />
<br />
Personally I am just the opposite. I always knew that I wanted babies and did indeed have 3 wonderful children. I also raised my brother's 3 along with mine when he and his wife lost custody of them. I never regretted having my children or taking in my nieces and nephew. I loved being a mother and am now enjoying being a grandmother as well.<br />
<br />
I think that those who really don't want children should stick to their convictions and not have them just because everyone is telling them that they should. After all we are all entitled to our opinions and if a person is smart enough to know that they are not parent material then they need to stand by their decisions despite what others may say or think.

I understand your point of view completely. I never wanted children myself for some of the same reasons as you and a few different. At the time, I was married living the life of a military wife. In this scenario, most wives are baby making machines...and I never could understand their desire to procreate consistently without regard to anything. I was not wanting to be the barefoot and pregnant wife myself. However, ooops, I became pregnant right before separating from my husband. Talk about SCARED STUPID! Now, 25 years later I have a wonderful daughter (the only child) and I love her unconditionally. While it was not in my plan, I would not change having her. However, I wish more people would put great consideration into the ideal of becoming parents. Many are ill-equipped for a myriad of reasons and should NOT be parents. If people truly planned and thought out the reasons for having children, my belief is that there would be less abuse, homelessness, poverty, and ignored children in the world. I respect your decision and I would never consider anyone's need to not have children but respect their wishes and know that there are other things that one can do to live a fulfilling life and garner love from other places.

I respect your standpoint and realize that many, many people in this world are not designed to bear and raise children. After working as a teacher, I realized how many children are neglected, even those in great homes! <br />
<br />
I, on the other hand, cannot wait to have children. I've always loved kids, even as a teenager. That's why I love teaching. Motherhood scares me, but now that I'm 25 I approach the idea with with reasonable expectations of hardships mixed with happiness. <br />
<br />
A good friend of my mother's is in her 50s. She and her husband never decided to have kids. They look younger, seem to have a better marriage than most people their age, and travel way more often. Although she's very happy with her choice, her husband is sorry he doesn't have children. So they treat their dog like a child. He gets everything he wants, sits at the table like a human, etc. My only hope is that your life partner (if you have one) is okay with not having kids, too.

I dont blame u. Im not having kids either.

It doesn't make you in any way less anything not to want children. I find that there is a stigma, especially for women, involved with enjoying your adult independance from the domestic lifestyle. I'm 24 and come from a fairly traditional Irish background; I had never planned on having children and got a lot of hell for it, especially in recent years. People tend to treat you like less of a woman, so I totally respect your decision and think it's great that you are strong and set in it. It's not easy, but it's a far more responsible way of thinking and living. Most children these days are the product of irresponsible sex; people just aren't careful when they should be. <br /><br />
<br /><br />
And for nlka, I'm sorry that you're unhappy being a parent but you're exactly who I'm talking about when I say irresponsible. If you didn't want children and knew it wasn't impossible, you should have been more careful. I'm sorry your step son is a monster, but people who "hate" children should not be parents because they always fail to realize where the fault in those children lies. Your child is the product of his up bringing... Not all kids are disrespectful monsters and if they are, it's a reflection of their parenting.

good on you for knowing your own mind. i had a kid and i love him to bits but to be honest he was not planned and i never ever wanted kids. there are enough people in the world i think and lots of them are not wanted by their parents or one parent was bullied into it by the other who really wanted a child. childless people are NOT lesser human beings but i know that society can often try to make them feel that way

I'm just scared that I might screw em up. I know I have issues sometimes and I don't want to pass the flaming torch on if that torch will just riddle them with all my flaws. I like kids they can be draining but they bring the kid out in me. I know I would love em but with my irresponsibility and occasional warped thoughts I don't know if love is enough.

I am still trying to figure out what is hard about being a mother. What is there to complain about?

I had a nightmare for a childhood and because of fear, decided that kids were not for me too...after an 11 year marriage we decided to have kids...i had to have counseling to deal with my real fears about having my own children...fear that had been fostered because, again, of my childhood...Against all odds...i had two sons who are now 11 and 13...as tony said, no words can describe the unconditional love that my sons have shown me...as a matter of fact, i can truly say that i would have never known what love truly meant until i had my boys...No, it's not all fun and yes, there is some legitimate griping that goes along with parenting...but, mind you until i was 35, i never wanted kids nor felt that they would complete me in any way...Now i simply, truly, honest to God, can not imagine my life without them...I would never want to be with a man that could not atleast appreciate the love that I have for them. You're right in deciding for yourself that children are not right for you...They are not for everyone...I nearly forgot to have babies in fact..but I am so very very glad that the Gods intervened and saw to it that my life would unfold differently. As far as going to a restaurant and hearing a child scream...I said that same thing you did at times before having children...now, I smile as I remember how wonderful it was to get out of the house when we couldn't afford a babysitter to just have some sort of a nite out. Children are, in many ways, the key to a greater understanding of ourselves, not unlike animals are...they are pure joy at times and an unconditional love that THANK GOD, my path has shown me. My husband left when I was pregnant with my second son and I a am single parent now with shared custody (i had the boys for five years on my own), etc....My one accomplishment in life that I am most proud of, above all others, is the two souls that I have raised thus far (with much to go) that I could never begin to explain to someone else whose fears or preferences prevent them from seeing the miracles and preciousness and exasperating moments of having children...I can't believe that I'm saying this but, please try, within your heart to soften your views of parents that you see who are in the trenches of the every-second-of-the-day aspect of raising little ones...their job is so very difficult--regardless of the desire to have them or not--and even though many of them truly wanted their children probably had no idea, as I did, that the job is daunting. My motto: Bless and thing and it will bless you..Curse and thing and it will curse you...I hope your friends with children view your life with open wonder and appreciation that not having children was the best choice for you and not judge you as harshly.. Hindsight is 20/20 but if I could go back, I would have had them 10 years earlier....Peace.

i too don't want kids.. and it's hard to explain it to my family.<br />
I fell pregnant at 19 and gave my daughter up for adoption as i had so many things i wanted to do before i could settle down, i also didn't want her being raised in a single parent family. as i knew as a single parent i wouldn't have been able to provide for her what she needed, so i did what was best for her. 11 yrs later i fell pregnant again, this time i had an abortion. i've decided that i wish to remain childless, but would somehow love my fertility to be within someone elses body who is infertile , because really.. i feel i am wasting it. and it's not that i hate kids, i love my nieces and nephews dearly, it's just not what i want from life.. :)

when you have kids..they are your life..thats something that people without kids would never understand.It seems like people who dont have kids can"t tolerate them around and blame them for ruining there good time...because they are in fact selfish....they just do not know better...they only have to care for themselves...they don"t know any different.

You had kids because YOU are selfish. Your self-centered desire to breed is why you have kids. You are the selfish one.

Most importantly, If you don't want children please PLEASE be responsible enough to protect yourself from having unwanted children. There are too many children being born to and raised by parents who don't want them. PLEASE.<br />
<br />
Second, It's important that we learn to respect other people's decision to act responsibly. All people aren't equipped to be parents so they have a right to act responsibly and to decline parenthood. <br />
<br />
Also, those who have or want children PLEASE STOP judging those who don't have or don't want children. For example, a new mother at church responded to my not having children although married by calling me ungodly and selfish. She didn't know that I am unfertile and that my husband and I had tried for several years to get pregnant without success. She didn't ask. I still hate that woman. What a hippocrate! Her statement plunged me into a deep depression for years before I realized that God gives and God also takes away and it hasn't been His will for me to experience childbirth. With my experience in this area I've found God to be so much more gracious than his (self-proclaimed, supposed) people are.

I HATE when people try and tell me I don't know my own mind and I must want kids really but not have realized it.<br />
<br />
Yes, I'm 20, but let's put this in perspective. If a young woman said she wanted children for sure, no one would react to her with that hostility. When a young woman says she wants children the reaction usually ranges from neutral to encouraging. Yet when a young woman says she DOESN'T want them, she's met with a verbal assault questioning her sanity, selfhood and maturity. It makes me sick. Want kids? Great, more power to you. Now let me live my life how I want.

I am 1000% against breeding. I will never thrust a human being into this world without his/her consent. Nonexistent people have a right to not exist.

I decided at 12 I didn't want children. Like many an oldest child, the role of substitute mommy was foisted on me and I didn't like it. My desire to remain chld free was such that I did not engage in sexual activity unless I was as sure as a person could be about birth control. Sometimes this cost me a relationship, but better that than to have children grow up with a mother who didn't want them. There are far too many children whose parents didn't want them. I am now 55 and have never regretted my decision. I just wish the same people who used to prattle on endlessly about their children would shut up about their grandchildren.

I have a problem with some things that were stated, so let me address them:<br />
<br />
ukuwi: You said that having children, being their "protector", and getting their unconditional love gives life meaning. From reading the stories in this group, it is quite apparent that the people on here all understand WHY people who decide to have children do so. But did it ever occur to you that we differ in opinion because we have different values and find meaning in different things? I can't stand when people try to impose their lifestyles or decisions on others. Everyone is different. We all here to talk about things and relate or to ask question and perhaps learn about different perspectives that coexist with ours. I don't see why you, of all people would try to convince us why children are soo great. (If you were just sharing the joy, excuse this) You don't know the pains and potential trouble of carrying a baby. You don't have a vagina. You don't know what it's like to have to endure the stretching and ripping of a vagina to make way for a baby. I'm not trying to be rude, but you have to think of all of the reasons we could possibly have for not wanting children. Instead, you bust the "joy" card out while everyone else is saying they're joyful without kids. Please imagine getting your pee hole stretched for a baby and I'd like to know what you'd say, then. Am I being too harsh here? Anybody?<br />
<br />
ThinkingGuy: As for you, sir. Why would you ever go into a group like this and unload such a burden on us women who do not want/choose not to have children? I absolutely HATE it when men say that we are "lucky" to be able to have birth-giving abilities. Do you know what else comes with these abilities? PMS, periods, menopause, the risk of getting pregnant at an ill-prepared time in life, pressure. Like the pressure you have unloaded onto us for having the "option" to have children. It's not like we asked for this ability- just as how your wife did not ask to have cancer. I think it is incredibly unfair and rude for someone to say such things in a group like this. Not to mention, some people choose not to have children for great reasons, IE: likely chance of passing on a defect or disorder or cancer. Why is it okay for these women to not have children, but us illness-free women are ungrateful because we don't want children? There's some inequality here, and I think it's total bull****. We deserve the same understanding, consideration, and respect and should not have to feel guilty for being different.

Thank you for this! Your view is well stated and a valuable perspective.

Additionally, what you say is true: it DOES feel like ostracism, peer pressure and bullying, and very very presumptious. It IS imposing their views on people (as you describe) and if anything, it's high time this was redressed.

circles1, with all due respect, maybe your children are well behaved in public, but most are most definitely not. I do remember back when I was three years old and I was most certainly not allowed to behave in public as I see most children doing these days. If I did throw a tantrum, there were immediate consequences, one being that I was not taken back out in public until I could behave. Nowadays, parents try to negotiate with toddlers, usually unsuccessfully, to stop crying or just don't try at all. Forgive me if I believe that an adult human being should have the right not to have their favorite largely adult- centered restaurant, gym, store, etc. overrun by children who behave like wild animals.

Why are people with children coming onto this thread commenting things such as "wouldn't give my kids up for the world" etc. Seriously why don't they just shut up - go tell someone who cares!

I commend you for your decision of not having children. People who don't want children should not have them because you are likely to be a bad parent. You are not a freak or an outcast. As for your friend who brought their kids snowmobiling---why not have a discussion before the trip so both parties know what to expect. As for me, I often feel like an outcast because of my children. Most of my friends have chosen to remain single or married without children. It is if I am dead to them. I can understand that maybe you don't want to hang out and become a second Auntie---but how can you not be the least bit curious about what they look like, who they are? I only get invited to bridle showers and funerals. I infer that is what my new interests are supposed to be. Likewise, I feel that there is a strange reverse discrimination surrounding children. If I go to a family type restaurant, a beach, a plane-----I fail to see why so many adults roll their eyes at the sight of my family. Why not give us a chance before you decide we are to annoying. I can't tell you how many times adults have come to me after a plane ride or meal and commented on how well behaved everyone was. By the way they are not always perfect. I have had my share of temper tantrums to deal with. It would help if you would recall that you were once three years old and I am positive that you had an occasional tantrum. Tantrums are not a recent invention. People were a little more tolerant of each other.

It simply isn't true that to say of people who don't want children that they'd be bad parents. It could equally be said of people who 'think' they 'want children'. Some have thought long and hard and at great depth about it and that has nothing whatsoever to do with their ability to parent. It just doesn't work like that. The world isn't simple black and white like that.

you know i believe that children should definitely come with a manual. that way you know what you are in for. kids are definitely not what we were when we were their age, but at most, we who are in the thirtiesh age definitely did not have to compete with technology and all of the nonsense on tv and in video games, etc. but at the end of a very stressful day when my four year-old looks up at me with his big blue eyes and says, "mommy will you play with my feet?" I melt. I love my children so much that i would do almost anything for them. one of the most important things is teaching them about jesus and not video games. i go to school online as so to have time to spend with them. i cut out the unnecessary things and focus on my children. my friends tell me i should go out as to get a boyfriend, but i feel incomplete without my children. they are a part of me since the time they are created. as a mother there are experiences that men will never experience. being a mother is a 24 hour low paying place in society, migraines, loss of hair and nerves all together, and yet at the beginning of the day, i do it all over again and never look at what could have been. i just love my children and shake my head at my 13 year-old when she starts to mouth back. calmly i tell her that one day when she has children they will be doing the same thing to her, and blah blah blah. love being a mom. it is the only job that you do not have to interview for.

I melt when I look at the rescue cat that I saved stick his little tongue out between his teeth to show his pure joy to at last have warmth and comfort, and listen to his purr... this truly makes my heart melt, and to nuture and protect him everyday brings fulfilling reward to me. :)

I am now almost 63 years old, been married twice and never wanted kids and also never ever regretted it for one minute. Besides I like children. Babies though I find tiresome and boring which is a taboo thing for a woman to say, but I hate being politically correct. I am a good loving generous person, not a monster as some people would like to believe so they can feel better about the decision to reproduce. I am just not willing to do the same thing as everyone else simply because pressure is put on society to make babies. If one is honest about it the reason people want children is for selfish motives, like continuing the family blood line, giving someone their belongings after death, creating duplicates of ourselves, giving in to our parents need to be grandparents, having lifelong friends, fear of lonliness. etc. etc. So, then it is not the childless being selfish but the the contrary. The truly unselfish people would only be those who adopt for unselfish reasons.

I just wanted to put my 2 cents worth in here. I think it is great that some people are smart enough not to have kids. I never wanted kids from a young age. However, I had my first at age 15. Love him to death. I was very young and wasn't a very good mother but I always did the best I could. The second at 21, I love her to death too. She has always been a difficult child. And now at age 46, I am raising her children when I should be able to have a life at last. I had just a taste of freedom for a few years before she decided she just couldn't do it anymore. With the first one, his father convinced me to have a few beers, I had no idea what was going on. The second, I missed a period and the doctor told me I was pregnant to stop the birth control pills. Turned out I wasn't but there was a month without protection because I thought I was already pregnant. So I got pregnant. I divorced my ex husband when I was 18. Was a single mom for 15 years. Most of my kids problems are probably because I always felt tied down although I tried not to show it. But when you have to do everything yourself there's not enough time for it all. I love to hear about people who made the decision and don't regret it.

We have an overpopulated world with a lot of unwanted children, children growing up in extreme poverty, children with cruel upbringing, children forced to marry or work at a young age: so it makes me angry when people look upon childless couples with distain in today's world. I too at a young age knew I never wanted children and as a woman you are regarded as a bit of freak which is the most ridiculous reasoning. I saw the problems people have with children and the worries and I totally agree, that the minuses outweigh the pluses and too people have kids because they are pressured in doing so. Children are a serious matter and one should only have them if one is willing to sacrifice a lot.

I have kids...5 actually (some foster, some adopted, some biological) and I couldn't be happier. I just want to say Kudos to all of you that are willing to face society (and your mom lol) by realizing that children are not for you instead of having them just because someone says you should.<br />
Good job...foster parents like me, love to hear about how there are very mature, responsible adults out there that will take precautions to ensure that there isn't another unwanted child on this planet.

I agree with you. I can't see myself raising kids either.

I am also one of those girls who have never wanted children and now that I'm married - I still have the same feelings about it and thankfully my husband doesn't want them either. <br />
I am a passionate animal lover and spend all my free time to animal rights, welfare and fundraising for animal charities. My animals are my children and together with my husband and family give me all the love I need.

Excuse me for entering the conversation<br />
First I admire your stand and choices<br />
there shoud be a test to be parents the trouble with children is anyone can produce them without qualificat is where the trouble starts<br />
Second even here those who have children think and refer to the "Raising of Childreen"<br />
If you are raising children you get children "As Ye Sow so shal ye reap"<br />
What people need to realize is You don't raise children you raise adults.

I probably would have had kids but my first wife was unable to safely have kids; the doctor prescribed birth control methods to deal with this. My second wife didn't have children although she and her first husband intended to have them. The result of all this was that when we met some ten years ago, neither she nor I were encumbered by children that might cause distraction or interference. We both feel that probably we would not have been all that good as parents anyway. We are in our 60's and feel quite content, if only the U.S. government can steady down and get away from all that warfare and other nutty stuff. In any event I have encountered some older folks who long to see their kids, but their kids just don't come and visit. Such would be heartbreaking I would think and I'm glad we don't have to deal with that.

It's so good to hear people happy with their decisions and respectful of other people's decisions! I grew up thinking it was strange for people not to have children, like having children was just what you did, but as I've matured I've fixed those faulty ideas. I think there are definitely people who shouldn't have children, as well. Unfortunately, I believe that my parents are two of those people. Ttheir crappy parenting has had a huge, huge impact on me, and I'm never going to make that mistake. At this point, I'm not ready to have children. My life is about me. I don't think that's a selfish thing, I think it's necessary to go through that before you can be ready for children. And I'm enjoying it, and I can understand wanting to just continue that way and never go down the parenting road. But as time goes by I can feel the maternal part of me growing, and I think that one day I'll be a good mother. It's just there, like an instinct. I would be honoured to one day be a mother. But there is much more to a woman than just motherhood, and it's no less honourable to follow another path.

I agree with you!! Raising children is not for everyone. I am a 60 year old male and have never been a father. To me it was just not that imortant. I do not have anything against children either. But I am glad you are comfortable with you situation.

I knew I never wanted kids, as I never lliked the llittle brats, so decided to get a tubal at the age of 23. I've never regreted it since. Alot of people should never be parents, but unfortunately, they don't know that until they are parents. I have 4 cats, & they're enough work! Love my life without kids.

As a grandfather and former foster parent, I can say with confidence that people who don't want children should not make any. Before my wife and I had any children, when we were asked "When...", we responded by smiling and saying that we were planning on having a dozen children. That always got the subject changed. We only had a dozen if you counted the foster children.

First off.. Only YOU know how you feel and what is right or wrong for you. I think that people pushing the issue are just people who still live with the reasoning women should all be married and have children and live at home with their kids and never have a career. <br />
I never wanted kids or to get married and I have had two boys and am on my second marriage and I love my kids but I feel I could have done so much more if I had stuck to my original plan, but I also realize I would not have had a lot of the moments I did without them. So it is a toss up for me.<br />
Maybe for you the confirmation were the events that led you to now not being able to have them. I say if your happy with your life as is, that is all that matters. I have an aunt in her 50s never had a child and never had any regrets about it and is a wonderful, kind loving, and generous woman. <br />
<br />
The moral of the story is we should not press our issues, values on other people. We all should let each other live the way that makes us all happy..