Happy With My Choice

Hi Ladies, I like most of you had no desire to raise children and could not understand why anyone would want to, especially as they take up so much of your life and cost so much and make so much mess and stop you doing what you wanted to do in life, plus if I am honest, I never believed that I could love a child .

I remained childless until the age of 34, when my new partner who at 22 became pregnant and assured me that she would do all the work in raising our child as she was very maternal.

Now at 46 We have become separated and I have 50/50 custody of my now 11 year old daughter and her son of 14 years old, who was two when we met.

Well I was wrong about the love thing and for those of you who have decided to live without children I truly believe that the feeling of unconditional love you get every day from your children cannot be matched by anything in this world.

I fully respect your decision and also agree that many parents should not have children, as it is not fair on the children to have parents that do not care.

My children bring me so much joy and give me so much respect and want to be with me every moment they can to talk and listen, and to be able to share my life with them is fantastic.

another thing about raising children is how protective you become, because they are vulnerable you are their true guardian, and gives your life meaning.

Whatever route you choose in life, respect other peoples wishes and enjoy what you have.

Take care everyone

Tony x

I am glad that people have the right to choose not to raise children, a single unwanted child is one too many and yet we live in a world where there are hundreds of thousands of unwanted children.

About 3 months ago as I lay in bed I could hear my drunken neighbours start their usual rowing, when The woman bellowed at the top of her voice to her newish boyfriend, " YOU DONT GET IT DO YOU? I HATE KIDS" my thoughts were how will this affect her twelve year old daughter that could no doubt hear every word.?

A child needs so many things, love, affection, warmth, respect, honesty, education, and your time to name but a few, but if time is something you cannot spare then a child will not receive any of the things it needs to grow and be happy. how can a child show love if it has never felt it?

Sorry going into one.

Take care all.

Same here Dont want kids ,dont hate em but just dont have that wish to ever have them,am a animal lover :)

I do not think of anyone less who makes responsible decisions. For most of my life I did not want children. I even hated them for awhile but, times change, and so did feelings as I grew up. I know that I am still not ready to have one at this point in life but, I'm starting to consider the good it would do because I feel I would be a great mother and teacher. I wouldn't mind making one of my own and then adopting another some day.

On the other hand I do look down at people like a certain ex of mine who has 5 children with 3 women and doesn't care for any of them. I'm lucky not to have been one of them.

Your honesty is refreshing. It's almost a taboo in this society to admit never wanting kids. There are so many UNWANTED children in the world right now. Some in foster care or orphanages. Some with people who never bonded to them and are highly prone to abusing them. Some becomes runaways as teens. And some make it to adulthood, and statistics show a tendency for the cycle to repeat itself. Of all the friends I know who have kids, only one of them wanted & planned for the child - and some day she regrets it (which shows in how she treats him). I love children - I love them enough to insist they always be loved and wanted.

I respect both choices. What I don't like is society deciding for women about having kids. Try to find a doctor to do tubal ligation on a woman without 2-3 kids if she is under 35 -- forget it. The medical community has decided for us. In some states, try to terminate a pregnancy (even if the fetus is technically dead and just needs extracted) and you'll have to drive for hours to get care. I'm only enough to remember when birth control (eg. The Pill) was almost never covered by health insurance. Society is so scared to see a child-free woman being HAPPY that anything & everything are done to suppress it.

I am in my 30s and child-free. I am physically able to have kids and in a relationship. But I am so happy without them. And because I do have free time & money, I was able to start a 501c3 non-profit foundation which has been slowly growing ever since. I recognize some women were born to be mommies. But some of us were meant to do other things. If I had been forced into having children, the community would not have the benefit of the non-profit I helped to start. Please don't tell me it's "selfish" not to want kids. I respect others choices - it's time society starts to respect the choices of women who don't have kids.

Wow - what a refreshing post! I am 29 and childless - and you know what? I LOVE my life. I do not hate children, I too believe they should be loved, respected, and wanted. And I'm not saying I don't want them EVER - but I like my life the way it is now. I have my time to myself, which is priceless for me. I can get up and go when I want, and I truly cherish that. I respect both sides of the debate - people shouldn't be berated either way for deciding and not deciding to have children. Every decision should be made with the right intentions. I know for a fact if I had one right now, I would not be a good mother. And that's just real talk! I don't like how society makes some women feel like lepers because they don't want children. We all have to live our own lives, and I wouldn't want someone who really doesn't want children to feel forced to have them. My grandmother asks me, at least every other month, when I'm going to get married and have kids. Gawd, I think she'd pass out if I said "I don't want any." Again, I'm not saying I don't ever want them, but I know if I do - it'll just be ONE. KNOW THYSELF

Wow it's great for the people who don't regret their decision either way. I just wanted to chime back in cause I feel the need to clarify a few things.Just because a woman says she does not want to have kids doesn't mean she would be a bad mother and shouldn't have kids if she feels that way. I personally think I would be a good mom if I did want to have kids on purpose or had a baby due to failure of birth control. However I know I would be strict because in my previous marriage...my ex's nephews...I was strict around them and my exhusband always called me "mean aunt". I never thought I was mean; I just don't put up with the games that kids play with adults to see who will let them get away with whatever.Saying that... I don't care who's kid it is in my presence...I don't play those games. Like my current boyfriends neices...if I am left in charge...there is only one way how things are gonna roll...and that's my way. I have watched these girls play the parents against the grandparents and visa versa and it makes me mad when someone caves in cause there is whining about the situation at hand. The kids know who caves first and that's who they go to when someone else says "NO". Like for instance one time the mom said no and the 5yr old said to mom "well im gonna wait for grandma then and ask her!" I was like...WOW. But at least mom grabbed her by the hand and marched her off to bed. That deserved a spanking in my mind.And I am sorry for the people who want kids and cannot because of health issues. But for those of us who decide not to have kids...this does not mean we take our ability to choose lightly. I believe that we all just know one way or the other what we want.My exhusband knew how I felt and never wanted to divorce but he would not get the surgery to prevent this. He said to me "I cannot just in case we ever get a divorce, I may want to have kids with someone who does." So I was supposed to take care of all the birth control myself...some marriage...but that's another story for another group, lol!

I knew I never wanted kids, as I never lliked the llittle brats, so decided to get a tubal at the age of 23. I've never regreted it since. Alot of people should never be parents, but unfortunately, they don't know that until they are parents. I have 4 cats, & they're enough work! Love my life without kids.

It's so good to hear people happy with their decisions and respectful of other people's decisions! I grew up thinking it was strange for people not to have children, like having children was just what you did, but as I've matured I've fixed those faulty ideas. I think there are definitely people who shouldn't have children, as well. Unfortunately, I believe that my parents are two of those people. Ttheir crappy parenting has had a huge, huge impact on me, and I'm never going to make that mistake. At this point, I'm not ready to have children. My life is about me. I don't think that's a selfish thing, I think it's necessary to go through that before you can be ready for children. And I'm enjoying it, and I can understand wanting to just continue that way and never go down the parenting road. But as time goes by I can feel the maternal part of me growing, and I think that one day I'll be a good mother. It's just there, like an instinct. I would be honoured to one day be a mother. But there is much more to a woman than just motherhood, and it's no less honourable to follow another path.

Excuse me for entering the conversation
First I admire your stand and choices
there shoud be a test to be parents the trouble with children is anyone can produce them without qualificat is where the trouble starts
Second even here those who have children think and refer to the "Raising of Childreen"
If you are raising children you get children "As Ye Sow so shal ye reap"
What people need to realize is You don't raise children you raise adults.

I agree with you. I can't see myself raising kids either.

We have an overpopulated world with a lot of unwanted children, children growing up in extreme poverty, children with cruel upbringing, children forced to marry or work at a young age: so it makes me angry when people look upon childless couples with distain in today's world. I too at a young age knew I never wanted children and as a woman you are regarded as a bit of freak which is the most ridiculous reasoning. I saw the problems people have with children and the worries and I totally agree, that the minuses outweigh the pluses and too people have kids because they are pressured in doing so. Children are a serious matter and one should only have them if one is willing to sacrifice a lot.

I am now almost 63 years old, been married twice and never wanted kids and also never ever regretted it for one minute. Besides I like children. Babies though I find tiresome and boring which is a taboo thing for a woman to say, but I hate being politically correct. I am a good loving generous person, not a monster as some people would like to believe so they can feel better about the decision to reproduce. I am just not willing to do the same thing as everyone else simply because pressure is put on society to make babies. If one is honest about it the reason people want children is for selfish motives, like continuing the family blood line, giving someone their belongings after death, creating duplicates of ourselves, giving in to our parents need to be grandparents, having lifelong friends, fear of lonliness. etc. etc. So, then it is not the childless being selfish but the the contrary. The truly unselfish people would only be those who adopt for unselfish reasons.

I commend you for your decision of not having children. People who don't want children should not have them because you are likely to be a bad parent. You are not a freak or an outcast. As for your friend who brought their kids snowmobiling---why not have a discussion before the trip so both parties know what to expect. As for me, I often feel like an outcast because of my children. Most of my friends have chosen to remain single or married without children. It is if I am dead to them. I can understand that maybe you don't want to hang out and become a second Auntie---but how can you not be the least bit curious about what they look like, who they are? I only get invited to bridle showers and funerals. I infer that is what my new interests are supposed to be. Likewise, I feel that there is a strange reverse discrimination surrounding children. If I go to a family type restaurant, a beach, a plane-----I fail to see why so many adults roll their eyes at the sight of my family. Why not give us a chance before you decide we are to annoying. I can't tell you how many times adults have come to me after a plane ride or meal and commented on how well behaved everyone was. By the way they are not always perfect. I have had my share of temper tantrums to deal with. It would help if you would recall that you were once three years old and I am positive that you had an occasional tantrum. Tantrums are not a recent invention. People were a little more tolerant of each other.