I Don't Know!

I have been thinking about this recently.  I am a very independent person who enjoys the freedoms of being unattached and childfree.  But part of me has been thinking recently that I would like to have children, yet another part of me is horrified by the thought.  I have a feeling that the way my life pans out will dictate whether I have any.

I have never been very interested in men, so this very much restricts my potential for having children.  I know women can have children without men, but I just think that if I cannot do it naturally then it is just not meant to be.  If I came to this earth as someone who just isn't interested in men, then I should focus my energies on other things.

In my job I work with teenagers and I really like the nuturing part, seeing them develop and helping them move forward in their lives.  This makes me think that I would like to have a child in my life, raising a child must be one of the most rewarding things in the world.

I seem to have plenty of time and I do get bored.  I bet I would never bored if I had children!  Would be something to focus my time, something worthwhile.  But equally my life would be swallowed whole.

In some ways I am a big kid myself and I love a reason to play with lego or get the paints out.  I think I would enjoy revisiting all of this if i were to have kids.  But then equally there are plenty of reasons to play with toys besides having children!

But I look at my mums life and it's the model of the way i don't want my life to be.  She was a single parent and it was tough, she struggled with 3 children on her own, she couldn't cope.  I don't want my life to be a stuggle I want to enjoy life!  I can only see myself as a single parent, I can see myself having one child only because I think I could cope with one child on my own.  Because of my upbringing i find it hard to beleive that a partner would stick around and being a women I would be left with all the hard work.  I'm not sure how this would pan out if I had a female partner but like I said earlier its possibly just not meant to be.

So if I don't have children.  What do i focus my energies on instead?
eelarc eelarc
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 11, 2010

What a loaded story. as i have a deceased daughter and a step daughter, my daughter died at age 18, she was walking across the street and a car hit her. it becomes tough at that age. when my daughter was born, no drug could ever compare the feeling. it is a life long committment and i dont reccommend being a single parent. because with out my parents i never would have done it. well i guess i would have, but oh well, i was coddled which isnt so good either. i agree with omniel its a personal choice only you can make. there are good and bads about both choices. so thats why it a decision that is not one we enjoy making. good luck and best wishes for whatever you choose<br />
peace <3