Don't Have It In MeI have wanted to tell someone, anyone about my story for a long time. I do not want children, but no one in my life can accept this. I am lucky in that I am physically unable to concieve without expensive fertility treatments. I have told my fiancee, my mom and my grandmother I do not want children and due to my severe POCS don`t have to worry about contraceptive methods. When they heard this they just poo pooed me and told me that I would change my mind. My grandmother even went so far as giving me 40,000 dollars to begin the invitro I will need to concieve. I don`t want to disappoint my family, but I will never be a good mother, I don`t have it in me. I am very overweight and so is my fiancee and we struggled with bullying and severe self image issues, why create a child destined to suffer a life of weight control issues and the self esteem problems that come along with it. We have mental illness on both sides of the family. I am a Social Worker, I have seen first hand what an unwanted child looks like, I do not want to make one.
I am now in a situation of trying to give my 92 year old grandmother her money back..........and dealing with the guilt trips that that brings.