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Never Wanted Them, Almost In The Clear

I grew up never wanting children. Like most of you I been told a million times "You'll change your mind" "You HAVE to have a baby" "I can't imagine life without my child/ren" "You will never know love until you have a baby"

I have watched all my friends transition into mothers and fathers. I have done my best to stay your friend. I have listened to you brag about how smart your kid is even when he keeps getting his head stuck in the banister. I have bit my tongue when you say how well mannered your child is even though a feral monkey on crack is better behaved. I listen to you tell me over and over that I "will never understand what it's like"

You know what? No, I don't know what it's like, but I sure recognize the arrogance displayed in your tone. If I wanted to be a part of your little "I'm better than you because I have a kid" club I would of joined years ago. There is a world outside that of you and your child. I'm more than willing to be a part of your world if you would be willing to step outside yours once in a while and be in mine.

There is no compromise with parents. Now into my 30s I find it extremely hard to socialize with people my own age because they are all parents. Meeting new people always starts and ends the same: "Do you have any children? Your don't? Well if you'll excuse me I have to talk to someone who DOES because I can't compare my kids achievements against yours in an attempt to one-up you" (Obviously that isn't literally said, but you get the gist)

I never wanted kids, I never had kids and now I feel like a social leper because of it. Socializing with people 10-15 years younger than me because they are the only non-judgmental people who can engage in a conversation that isn't centered on children is taking it's toll on me.

lillhammer78 lillhammer78 31-35, F 7 Responses Nov 20, 2011

Your Response


They say that couples who don't have children are closer than couples who do.

Thank you for your story, lillhammer78! I was compelled to read it because of how much I relate to this topic and I was curious of what others my age had to say. I am also in my 30s, and my bf and I do not want children. I have had similar experiences, and because many of my friends went down the kid route, our friendship has pretty much ceased because we just don't relate anymore.

But I do wish them the best. I had a friend who actually judged my happiness because I was choosing to not have children. I had to let our friendship go. Today, my bf and I are very happy with no children and we are more focused on our careers and just taking care of us. If anyone want to think it selfish for that, that's your problem.

Also, I can relate with your story when you say that you can't relate with people your age. My friends today are all in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s. None of them judge me and try to tell me what to do with my own life. I choose to not hang out with people who feel the need to brag about their children and assume they are better than others because they decided to spread their legs. Sorry, but for some it is the ugly truth. They chose to do that and now they complain because they have to raise it and they are struggling.

Anyways, not to ramble. Again, thanks for the post.

Do you find that people almost look at you as though you are truly not humane? Like there is something wrong with you and you are probably a psychopath or something. It drives me insane!

yea, i've encountered people that try to make me feel like im an outcast for not having kids too. if we wanted to stoop to their level and retaliate..we could point out how much freedom we have, how much extra money we have because we dont have to spend money on daycare,clothes/food for a child etc , how much we are accomplishing because we dont have the responsibility of a child,how we get to sleep in on weekends, how we are not spending time in child support court or dealing with deadbeat dads,how peaceful it is to not have yelling and screaming kids around, etc. there are perks on both sides.. arrogance can come from both directions..

You are just like me. I like you. Cheers to you!

Well said!!!! Ditto!

All I know is I just don't want the responsibility of raising children. I have a feeling someone may tell me I sound selfish for saying it, but even if it is, I don't care.