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I Still Don't Want Kids, But It Can Be Lonely To Be Childless.

I'm in my early 40s, and I still don't want kids. My husband and I agree that the planet is already overpopulated, and if I ever have the urge or NEED to mother, we will adopt. However, sometimes I am struck by how family-oriented my friends are, and how little I have to contribute to conversations when group talk turns to parenting issues and anecdotes. Sometimes I've actually just wandered away, or just zone out. Also, it is hard to live in a semi-rural area (our careers have taken brought us to this type of area) that is so family oriented - it is hard to find a "tribe" of friends who are inclusive without the "admission ticket" of playdates or the common experience of being a parent. I'd probably be happier in a city where there are more non-parents to meet, or parents who have wider ranges of interests and are more inclusive of the non-parents among them.
needatribe needatribe 41-45 4 Responses May 24, 2012

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As repro1 pointed out, at least you have a spouse. And, isn't it better to feel a bit lonely sometimes than to be pulling out your hair from all the frustration and constant worry that will be inflicted on you by a kid? I know what I'd choose! You need to learn how to combat feelings of loneliness when they occur by engaging in a hobby or some kind of activity that you can do by yourself, not secretly wishing that you'd sacrificed most of your adulthood to bring yet another human being into the world.

Hello. I can relate somewhat: I am mid-forties (married at 40 for the first time) and after trying a few years we just accept what may happen (no children, maybe adopt [my husband is six years younger], ...)



May I weigh in? Try to travel more if you live in a parent-dominated area. You have that extra budget (without kids) so use it.

Politely insist other topics when you socialize. YES it 'IS' important what happens to your friends kids but that is a very narrow view to discuss all evening when there is so much to discuss as well from what is happening in your town/state and the country as well as art, music, cooking, ...



Become more informed about what is happening in your town/state and the country. You have that time to inform yourself and develop your opinions, so do it.



While it can seem a sad prospect that you may end up childless, it is NOT the end of the world. So don't walk around thinking that way.



Yes, I have been very disappointed but it's crucial to avoid becoming depressed about it.



Thanks for reading this!



FYI- I'm just a copywriter out there in the world who likes to read online and post comments when it's appropriate. (I am not posting this with any type of agenda or to promote any philosophy, etc.)

Completely understand. I'm in the burbs as well and there are definitely a lot less childfree couples to hang out with. It's not that I get "lonely" with my spouse--it's just that there might be limited things to do to spice up a weekend. And if you do make a friend it's quite possible that they will disappear into a new baby soon enough. So we're definitely considering a move into the city as well.

For now, we keep trying and I enjoy being a part of the childfree community online. Check outt www.babyoffboard.com -- it's my favorite blog. And there are plenty of forums out there as well.

I do not understand how one can be lonely with a spouse.