What Biological Clock?

I'm 30, and I was told at age 23, "at 26 you'll feel the urge". "at 29 you'll really feel the clock". "At 30, the clock is ticking really loud". YEAH RIGHT!

I don't feel badly for not wanting children. We're humans, and should be capable of the right to choose breeding over not breeding. Society has gotten it so ingrained, "woman equals SUV driver of screaming brats". We're not animals who just breed litters without weighing out pros and cons. As humans, we have the intellect and choice to stop and think about if children are right for you or not before you have them. Lots of people who aren't fit to parent already had their litters for bad reasons: "I thought that having a child meant he'd stay with me", "I was lonely", "I wanted to pass my bloodline because I had nothing else to do".

My reasons for being child free for life: I know for a fact that I'm unfit to mother. There are mental issues I've been dealing with for life that will interfere with my ability to raise a child. Having a child isn't insurance policy for elderly care. Kids are expensive, emotionally draining, and yet parents aren't allowed by society to complain about parenthood. Things go hidden behind the mask of "my child is the greatest thing ever", when they haven't slept in 2 weeks. I would rather gather my energy and joie de vivre to help the community and animals in other ways, and to share the joys with my significant other. I also abhor the image of the fetus growing in me like some parasitic worm which gobbles up mom's resources, health, energy, etc. The parasitism won't end for 18 years. No thank you.

My opinions aren't accepted with open arms by most people in this world. (particularly the religious and conservative crowds), but I'm careful with who I share them with. It's also none of any one's business whether I have rugrats or not. People say it's selfish, but I also think it's selfish to have kids for selfish reasons.

I'm not pulled towards the "family scene" because I like to keep life less complicated and untangled from others. I'm ok with the fact that there may be times in my life when I'm isolated. Many of my friends have gone off to mommy land and we have nothing in common any more. I don't want to hear of potty training, breast feeding or diaper rash. Old age may bring loneliness one day, but I would like to die  surrounded by my cats, dogs, and plants at home. My savings will go to a shelter for cats and dogs or other rescue animals.

smartiecats smartiecats
9 Responses Jun 7, 2008

Great story! smartiecats keep doing you and don't let these stupid ******* get to you they can take their ***** somewhere else. I guess child-lovers don't have enough common sense to join a 'I love Children' group they need to get into their heads that EP is for joining and sharing in groups RELATABLE to YOU they don't have to come here to pick fights because they don't agree with the group or the persons decision and you can tell people like KrissyX to kiss you're entire ***!!

I know this story is kind of old but I just wanted to make a comment

That's your decision if you don't want children, but don't call other people's kids worms, or rug rats or brats and so on.
I have 3 beautiful children and would not ever change a thing, a fetus growing inside of you is a wonderful experience, everyone I know that are older beyond child bearing years regret not having children and are very lonely, I guess you will be that lonely old lady.

Having kids isn't an insurance policy for having an old age care taker. Not every nursing home resident have kids who visit them. In fact, many don't. I guess their "insurance policy" didn't work after all.. how sad to realize that much later on in life. What a silly assumption that all child free folks will die lonely. Many of us will retire with enough money saved up to hire help if needed. :) Have a nice day.

I personally didn't have children, for my old age insurance, I had them because I love kids, I was the only child and when mom was diagnosed with cancer, I was her caretaker drove her 3 hours to her appointments, unfortunately she didn't make it, I loved my mom that's why I did what I did for her, I would do it a million times over again.
And you are right there are kids that don't visit their parents In their golden years, it's all in the way you are raised, I teach my children to have respect, my kids have manners, and it was my choice to have them, i wouldnt change a thing,like its your choice not to have them. Good luck to you.

I thought everything would change with regards to wanting children when I got married but I am so happy now as a married person, I don't want anything to change that -- even children. I'm currently 26 and all my high school and college classmates are having children, some despite illnesses. My health has been not great the past few years and I feel having children would tax it further...that being said some of my friends are very insensitive with their urging me to have children, that I would make a great mommy, etc. It makes me almost suicidal. I really appreciate stories like this. Thanks.

I'm 27 and I feel no urge at all to have children. I like my life just the way it is. I'm getting married in June -- knowing I have a community like this will help me brave the "when are you going to have kids?" questions, so thank you to all of you. :)

Well said smartiecats! Your article conveys my thoughts on not having kids and choosing pets instead. My husband & I like to think we are already living the fun, retired life (even though we are still working). Why do we have to go through the burden of raising a child (sacrificing our time & money) for 18 years (minimum) to finally be 'free' once we are 'empty nesters' to do what we want. Why can't we do that now? We can travel when we want, go out weeknights, eat whenever, etc... Ultimately, I have thought of having kids in the past (my husband never wanted them), but realized that I don't want to give up the freedoms that my husband & I have now.....

Thank you all for your confirming responses. I'm more than glad my story was an interesting read. Thank you!<br />
Upon listening to NPR today, they were talking about a new social problem in India: children abandonning their elderly parents in a society where it used to be common for three generations to live under one roof. One elderly woman had been "dumped" into a trash land by her sons who no longer wished to care for her. This was proof to me in many ways that children don't equal insurance for later on!

This is the second of your stories i've read today, and once again, may i say, i'ts a great read! <br />
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I always felt I didn't want children - that is, didn't particularly desire to ever be pregnant, give birth to a baby, or be a mum.<br />
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Even in today's enlightened, pro-choice world, I think it's a brave choice. There's just so much pressure from all sides to conform to the stereotype role.<br />
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I sometimes find myself thinking about my being the end of one ancestral line. But then realize that's ok. I don't mind at all.

Good for you !<br />
Why should you be pressured into doing what a lot of other women are doing.<br />
I think that it is a natural instinct for women to want children. But, not all women.<br />
My parents had 5 kids. Altogether, we had just 1 !

I've never understood why so many people feel the need to procreate. I have two kids - but I have always wanted children - always loved kids. But I have a dog as well. No cats - don't like them so much. Why are kids not optional? My husband and I were married for five years before I had my first, and we used to get the looks - "Ohh...no babies yet?" Why do people think that children are the logical next step in life? I had kids because I wanted kids. I wanted two and I had two - I don't want a third, so I'm done. You should be entitled to your feelings on the matter as well. Kudos for not becoming a mother to placate the idiots around you.