Doing The World A Favor

   I have never liked kids, most of my family thinks I love kids. I would be really embarrassed if they found out some how that I don't. I don't wanna be judged just because I'm not like most women in the world who want kids right off the bat. Half the reason why I stayed a virgin in high school was to completely avoid getting pregnant. Didn't wanna become a mother at age 16 and ruin my life. And at age 20 I still don't want kids. They're just not for me. I don't want the responsibility of taking care of another life, being pregnant for 9 months and giving up my youth for something I didn't want. And I feel I'm doing the world a favor by avoiding having kids. That's one less mouth to feed. One less animal being slaughtered to feed someone, one less diaper being used. And I won't have to pay for the kid's college. Hell I ain't even in college yet. You should see how young parents and even older parents struggle in this economy.  Its miserable and pathetic. Half of me wants to walk up to those people and say, "oh why couldn't you have just used protection, and keep it in your pants." 

And I know adoption is expensive but damn, they need loving families. I bet you half the kids who don't get adopted is because a gay/lesbian couple wasn't allowed to adopt them. Cruel world we live in right? Guess my "motherly instincts" haven't kicked in yet. I'm guessing by the time I do want children, I will be too old to have them. 

Here's to freedom, no diapers, baby food, college funds, screaming, late sleepless nights. Here's to having the freedom to make your own choices based on your life and not the life you created. Here's to freedom in general. To the people who like the idea of not adding to the population. 
Evlana Evlana
22-25, F
22 Responses Jun 30, 2011

Amen sister!

Hello there :) I am a bit younger than you (16 going on 17), but I agree with your views on avoiding unnecessary and unwanted parenting in your life.<br />
I am open about my childfree status both within my family and within my community (meaning school and with my neighbors), and I knew there was stigma attached to choosing against having children, but I never knew the extent until I revealed my views.<br />
My teenage girlfriends (the friend ones, not my lovers lol) cannot understand how I do not want the mommy-daddy-dog-two-kids lifestyle... And though I accept and am happy with them wanting children it is hard to believe they see no other possibilities to life than being a mother.<br />
One neighbor of mine, an older one, told me how she never wanted kids until her son came along; she told me it's my duty to make babies and I will accept it later in my life! How judgmental and rude haha, because she knows nothing about me and my views.<br />
Thanks for staying true to yourself and being aware that there are many paths to life, and not all of them involve children.

Wow that is kinda rude of them, good for you for sticking to your guns!! Power!! Same to you!!

My feelings exactly. Though, I think that if I should ever change my mind, I'd want to adopt a sweet little girl.

I think adoption is the best thing you can do for a kid. So many are without loving homes. Respect.

I'll be 30 years old this year, and my presently, I still don't want kids. I knew that I didn't want kids when I was a teenager, and like a previous member posted, I stayed a virgin moreso, because it seemed the most logical thing to do if one didn't want to carry around the fear of an unwanted pregnancy, and I'll add "STD's" to that. There are moments where I wish I had children - like when I see a cute kid in the store, but these images of children are largely romanticized in my opinion. Raising a child is hard work and requires commitment and dedication to the task, which I'm not up for. I also realize that my lifestyle doesn't adhere to raising a child right now. Financially, I don't have the means to support dependents. My parents were always struggling financially and I vowed never to make my children feel like their wants and needs were an annoyance and a burden, like mine did. I am also not married and would prefer to be married if I had kids, since I don't want to raise a child(ren) alone if I don't have to. I could see myself meeting someone and having kids between now and age 35, but if "Prince Charming" doesn't come along, it's no big loss for me. I am a very smart and intellectual female, and I know that children won't make or break my sense of self-value.

wow thats so great you know your goals and yourself. Most people just wanna have kids to fit into society. Seen the young teens who have kids thinking they will be loved, when they do its endless work and they struggle to find happiness in their decision. Your very smart in what you know about your values and the world.

I decided I didn't want kids when I was still a kid myself. It's just too much responsibility. I'm still trying to figure out the world around me, and I have issues (anxiety, depression, etc.) that make me realize that I need to take care of myself instead of balancing time between my sanity and a child/children. That might sound selfish to some people, but I just can't handle a life being dependent on me. I'm trying to work on becoming more independent myself. How can a dependent being rely on another dependent being? I don't want to put myself or a child in that position.

yeah, i get what you mean. Kinda hard thinking of having kids when there is still so much to figure out about yourself and life. And very smart way of looking at it.

Stick to your guns! The world seems to feel as if they have to "correct" people who make choices that don't fit "their" expectations. IGNORE THEM! As my handle suggests, I have kids. I always wanted kids, even though I was a tomboy who grew up to be a programmer and was always "one of the guys". My sons continue to delight me, even though they are grown now. BUT, that was MY choice, and you have to make the choice that's best for you. I tell you what I told my own kids: You have to live your own life, and don't let anyone tell you how things "ought" to be. Personal happiness has to count for something!

That is a really good way of putting it. Thanks for sharing that with me.

I am a 23 year old female and do not want children either. I have no desire for it in the slightest. My niece and nephew are good enough for me. If I ever did decide to, I would adopt but the "If" is a very big if. I want to enjoy my youth and do what I want, when I want. Adding to the population is not something I want to accomplish in my life because it is hazardous to the environment. I have been told I will not be a "complete woman", that I'm selfish, and that I'm less "feminine" all because I don't share the biological urge of baby making. I really don't care however. I think it would be more selfish to have a kid just because society thinks that's what is "normal" for a woman to do. That makes for bad parenting. <br />
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My mother and family are fully aware I do not want children. While my mother is a little sad because she wanted a grandchild from me, she also understands. I say good for you that you have this decision made at this point in time. Ignore the misogynistic, ignorant, and hateful comments that may come your way from this. I do and it works just fine! Enjoy your youth and freedoms to the fullest!<br />
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We just about have the same exact views on this. We are not in charge of making babies just b/c we can get pregnant. Glad you know what you want out of life as well! Thanks for the support and you enjoy your youth as well!

god! its so good to find people like you that is not brain-washed with all the crap society makes up like the portrait family with two childrens and the whole rules of what is "normal" and the woman being almost pressured to have kids and get marriage and settle down, i could go on listing things all day. putting your personal hapiness by having babies at random before the health of your home planet is proven its negatives efects and im sure one day soon it, overpopulation, will destroy all the beauty of the earth. Really wish i could meet people like you in real life instead of all the ignorant sheeps im surrounded with.

Thanks, and I agree with you. As for the meeting part, good thing we are allowed to share our views on here to meet people of like minds. Its refreshing.

yeah, amen to that, having childrens in a time like this is so selfish, the world is not big enough for the humans anymore, i say spread the word of not having childrens, make them join mentally or think about the: Voluntary Human Extinction Movement? VHEMT (pronounced vehement), thats a really movement to stop humans from suffocating the poor planet.

haha they couldn't agree more.

Dear Eylana: I stand impressed with your post. If I could sum it up in one word, it would be called: RESPONSIBLE.<br />
i'm proud of your position. Your misive to us is perfectly stated. <br />
As far as your "not liking kids" ---- I think that could be a misinterprretation. I don't believe that you actually"mislike" kids --- it's your notion not to bring another life into this world when you are not ready to do so. Again --- it's called responsiblity, and I respect you for that.<br />
Your decision is your right. And stick to it.<br />
Best regards to you: Jim.

hahaha I try. Thanks!

Evlana, at a very early age, I decided having children wasn't for me. I never regretted that. Not all women have a "mommy gene" for want of a better desc<x>ription. Don't be discouraged by those who want to force you to accept their version of lifestyle. If in your future life somehow you change your views, that's your choice. If you never change your view that, too, is your choice to make. Not someone else's. Just because you have a uterus, doesn't mean you have to become pregnant. I know several women, all straight, and childless, (including myself) some married, some not. I think there's even a group called "Childfree" or something like that. If I can locate it I'll try to get back to you. It's your life, your decision.

Thats very true. It is our choice and just b/c we have a uterus doesn't mean we have to use it. Glad to know people who feel the same. And thanks for the kind words.

Just thought I'd give you the link. I found it:

There are links to several sites there.

I am 57 and do not have kids because I never wanted them -- ever, even when I was little, as far back as I can remember. I do not really like kids, especially the spoiled brat kind, and the whiny ones. And I find most babies to be disgusting (dirty, wet, slobbering). Every time I see a real live baby (as opposed to the "ideal" image portrayed in movies and magazines), I am just SO glad I don't have to have one of those things. I'm pretty sure if I'd had a baby (because of outside pressure), I would have been miserable and ultimately, so would the kid. So hang in there, Evlana. There are many people out there who think like you -- you just haven't met them or don't know they share your opinion. Which is also why maybe you shouldn't pretend to want kids just to appease your family. They should know the truth. After the initial shock wears off, they will ultimately accept the new truth, mainly because they have no choice. But it's better to be honest with everyone, and not keep them all in suspense waiting for you to have kids.

Thanks so much for the advice!

Evlana, ignore the naysayers. I'm 43 and have no children - never will. I have a great life. I like kids, as long as they're someone else's. I teach at a community college so I'm doing my part for the generations to come. Not everyone needs to have children to make a positive contribution to the world.

Well kudos to you! Glad your happy with your life choices. And I agree.

seriously u neeed a psychiatrist u are right u are not like other womens who are in the world u need help

why would I need help. Who said in a rule book that just b/c a woman is a woman she should naturally want kids. Your very rude and coming from a guy its almost funny! Women are not the sole people makers in the world and we don't live in the 17th century where young girls had kids at the age of 12 and got married. I don't feel I need help actually, nice try but you failed. lol

Typical know-it-all judgemental teen statement. Grow up.

Im 20 years old sweety. Have no idea where you getting the "know-it-all judgemental teen statement" You have a different opinion, ok whatever but don't lie to me and call me something I'm not. The growing up is your job.

Here's to a sensible young woman who knows the priorities in life. <br />
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You're not alone. There are many of us ladies who don't particularly like kids and seem not to be endowed with the maternal gene. <br />
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Do what you are doing now. Focus on you. The world has enough irresponsible people randomly populating it!

Wish I met more women like you. lol Some women just do need to focus on whats best for them. Thanks for sharing what you though. Its awesome.

I Understand what you are saying I am twenty five and honestly do not want kids,I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of having kids I am not ready.Yes my family think I like them and I do.But the nappy changing,and how does one bring up a child especially a boy,I find thsa awkward,some women "see"themself with kids at my age but I cannot even picture it.I do not know I think I would love them but the idea of raising them.The only experience of kids I have witnessed is suppose that it ruins people's life i.e unwanted pregnancies,relationships failing after childbirth..not ggood examples or convincing yes untill th;at day if I get pregnant it will be unplanned

I Understand what you are saying I am twenty five and honestly do not want kids,I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of having kids I am not ready.Yes my family think I like them and I do.But the nappy changing,and how does one bring up a child especially a boy,I find thsa awkward,some women "see"themself with kids at my age but I cannot even picture it.I do not know I think I would love them but the idea of raising them.The only experience of kids I have witnessed is suppose that it ruins people's life i.e unwanted pregnancies,relationships failing after childbirth..not ggood examples or convincing yes untill th;at day if I get pregnant it will be unplanned

I understand how you feel. The whole thing can be scary too. Creating and caring for life can be so much pressure. Since it i will be a another human being. The whole idea is just weird lol. So yeah I understand exactly how you feel.

I feel having children is a choice and you have every right to choose whatever makes you happy. Just because people have children does not complete their lives, also giving birth to a child does not make you a "mother", their are many people who have children because society says that's what we do. I also am over society telling me what to do...I love my children and did everything in my power to get them ready for the world when that time came..but..they still made up their own minds from that time forward , their fate was now in their hands, choosing is part of living..existing in life is a no kudos to those who make their decisions and choices and can comfortably live with the consequences...I chose to live as a weed...check out why in my new book " Over and Under the Influence"

thanks. Hope it didn't come off as me saying everyone shouldn't have kids. I can fully understand that it does make some people happy. And you have really good points there! Cool I would love to check out your book.

How do you think you came along? Not by keeping it in your pants. I know some kids who are fantastic. The have a great sense of humer and are sweet. I think that before spouting off about that saying no to diapers, college fund, screaming, late sleepless nights. Your just looking at how it is when the child is a baby but what about it when it's 10 and such. You can have freedom even if you have a child.

lol yes I know how and where babies come from. But just b/c we have reproductive organs, doesn't mean we have to use them. Its a personal choice to have kids. You have to really love and want kids in your life to have them. Also the kind of person who would make financial sacrifices too. I don't deny that they are a joy for others though. That's good kids bring joy to people. I just happen to not be one of those people. Sure yeah they grow up, but my views haven't changed since I was a kid. I have also baby sitted. Didn't make me wanna have kids at all. Like I said, a personal choice to be kid free.

What difference does it make how we "came along?" I'm here because MY PARENTS decided to have me. That has absolutely nothing to do with my own desires to have children (which I don't). I fail to see what is wrong with a person not wanting to have children, but it is clear from the tone of your message that you feel it is wrong. Please explain yourself.

xD wow

I decided when I was about 12 I didn't want to be a parent. Boarding with a single mother when I was in my early 20s reinforced my viewpoint, although the woman concerned had wonderful pre-school kids. I'm now 41 and still childless. It's tough standing your ground on the issue and there are many people who will judge you harshly for saying that you don't want kids. As long as you know why you don't want them and make that clear you'll manage.

wow kudos to you. Yes for some odd reason you do get judged for that. Its not like I said I wanna get abortions cuz I didn't use protection. lol Thanks I will stick by that. Thanks for commenting.

I'll toast to that too!! I'm right there with you, girl! I'm almost 28, and I'm looking forward to a future of freedom!

hahaha yep!

I understand you think kids would be a lot of work but making another one of God's children is a world favor. But you shouldn't have kids to young, I agree with that. But think of how much fun you could have with a kid. If you don't want to give birth to a child then you could always adopt. That way you are taking care of one of God's children that needs you. But I don't blame you for not wanting to have children.

well seeing as how I'm not christian, I don't see it as my job to have kids for that reason. If I ever did want to have kids it would be for me. But alas I don't ever want to have kids. Guess I'm just not the motherly type. But I have heard it is rewarding. Kudos to the parents who enjoy it and are fulfilled by it.

Jesus Christ himself didn't have children. Even more intriguingly he also praised those who chose not to have children. Funny how this seems to be glossed over by Christians who claim that it's God Will that we breed like rabbits.

thats interesting, I didn't even know that. Yeah funny, right now the world is overpopulated and animals are being slaughtered like they're nothing just to feed all the babies people have b/c they think its their job to make more ok sorry for the rant. I just don't get why people think its their job to have kids. Then judge others who don't feel the same.

I totally agree. I also get kind of annoyed when people say everyone is "God's child." Did God go through 9 months of pregnancy or painful labor and childbirth? Did God have sleepless nights trying to pacify a crying baby? Did God have to figure out a way to get the kid(s) in college? That's why I don't like the "God's children" phrasing. But more importantly, like you said, we shouldn't be having children to appease (insert deity here).

Lol xD

And thats why there is a Goddess! lol

3 More Responses

Good for you! You know yourself and realize you have choices in life. Walk your own way, I say, and it's never wise to do something as life changing as having a child just because everyone else is!

thanksyou! Yes we should all do whats best for us. Not go with society's flow. lol