I Don't Want KidsHello everyone. My name is Leu and I am 18 years old. I feel like people are constantly bugging me about children. I just turned 18 two weeks ago and I'm not even in a relationship.
Just today, I was at the doctors with my mom, and somehow we got onto the subject of having kids. I told her I don't want kids and never will, and this older lady that was sitting next to me leaned over and said — this is a direct quote — “Oh, you’re 18 now, BUT YOU’LL BE 33 SOON AND YOUR UTERUS WILL BE POUNDING LIKE A TOM-TOM!”
I gave her the most withering look I could muster! It is immensely frustrating when people act like they are an authority on you. They are not!
I am child-free & I plan to be for the rest of my life. One of my friends once said: "You don't have to have kids. There are plenty of other things you can do with your life." I agree with him. Sometimes when I recount what he had told me, people look at me like I suddenly sprouted a second head.
For some people, it is just not the be-all and end-all! I am one of them. I simply want to live my life for myself and nobody else. As of right now, finishing my schooling and initiating my career in drawing and illustration means everything to me. In a nutshell: I'm selfish and I love it.
Don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing all of my friends and family that have kids. Almost every girl I know has been dreaming of babies since the dawn of time. I know they will make wonderful mothers, and I don't mind meeting their children and come bearing gifts. Out of all of my friends in high school, about 70% of them got pregnant between the ages of 15-18 years old.
"But you're young, you'll change your mind when you're older!"
I just have to say that whole "oh, you'll change your mind about having kids when you're older" crap seriously just drives me through a wall. It is exhausting when people insist that I'll change my mind, and it's equally annoying when women I don't even know tell me I have an emotional problem because I don't want kids, I am a terrible woman for not wanting kids or that it is a duty to have children.
I don't want kids for so called "selfish reasons". I don't want the responsibility nor am I willing to make the sacrifice to have a child.
The decision not to have children has never bothered or vexed me. I am perfectly satisfied. The only really irritating part of the whole experience is when people ask you about it, and upon hearing your answer, act like they know you better than you know yourself. Especially when you’ve only just met.
“Oh, you,” they say, looking down their nose EVER-so-slightly. “You think you know it all now… HO HO HO! But life is going to wallop you! Just you wait! You’ll be barefoot and pregnant before you know it!”
Not if I can help it, buddy!
"It is totally okay — in fact, perfectly wonderful — not to have children."
I wanted to throw that in there, just in case you haven’t been told lately! Everyone’s life is different, everyone’s purpose is different, and sometimes having kids just isn’t right for you. That is A-OKAY!
The issue we’re having is twofold. Firstly, society expects women to have children. It is, to some people, our entire reason for existing. Not to make art, become a doctor, earn a billion bucks, have a career we love, live life in the fast lane, or become an adventurer — just to make babies. To them, if you don’t give birth, you are slighting womankind, up-ending the world and trashing the paradigm. It is the final insult!
Secondly, this is an issue of respect. I understand that other women especially are curious when one of the clan gets hitched. Surely, a vicious case of morning sickness & the pitter-pattering of little feet are just around the corner?! It’s normal for people to ask, but once you say you’re not interested, that should absolutely, categorically be the end of the issue!
Even I am guilty of asking my friends if children are next on the agenda, but if they say no, I reply with something like, “GREAT! That means we can continue going to Vegas together even when we're 80 years old, and look like shriveled up lizards! and just THINK of the disposable income! I foresee an overwhelmingly magnificent walk-in closet in your not-so-distant future!”
There should definitely not be any, “Oh but! You’ll change your mind! and think how CUTE they’d be! Come on! It’s your womanly duty! You’ll die unfulfilled and alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!“ or any other such rot. Because really… That would make even the most stable woman a tad punchy.