They Think I'm

It's hard being 24 and having people looking at me like I have 3rd head just because I don't have kids yet. I got married at the very young age of 18. Even though I jumped fast, I still don't regret my marriage to a very wonderful man. 

But I live in the South, and here, you're considered an old maid if you don't have children before you are 20.  Every single one of my female friends became mothers before that age.  Everyone says I need to have kids before I get "too old" to raise them. My mother had me one month shy of being 30, so they can't give me the old maid lecture.

I hear it every single day. From my inlaws, from my friends, from strangers who shouldn't give a crap, my own dad and even own dear husband is brainwashed.  But most of these people were NOT ready when they got pregnant, and they expect me to be.  I see them go through these struggles. They are the reason that influences my decision. And there's also the fact that I don't get along with my inlaws at all, they try to take over everything in my life. Imagine if I had a kid.

I still want to go back to college and get my degree and having a kid now will hinder that. I want a career, not to be a stay-at-home mom.  I also have pets. I'm constantly reminded that they will never be like having my own children. But at least my pets don't slam doors in my face and tell me that they hate me.

I love kids, in fact I don't hate kids at all, but I don't want any of my own.  Kids are NOT mandatory.
timelessaire timelessaire
26-30, F
4 Responses Apr 15, 2007

I know exactly how you feel! I live in the South too. In this part of the world instead of growing up then having children, everyone has children then they grow up! All of my friends have at least 2 "oops" babies! I hardly go out with them because because they need someone to watch their kids (mainly their moms). I think its a tough struggle to be a single mom and those who can do it well, I commend. I'm sorry to say this, I know all the women with kids say how wonderful it is to raise a life and feel the joy of having a child in your arms and all, but that just doesn't seem like a fair trade off for sleepless nights, a sorry man/a man who will leave you penniless, constant crying, 9 months of misery and the possibility that the child may be born with defects and the fact that childbirth could put me in danger. I don't even want to get started on the whole lactating thing *shudders*.<br />
So many Black women head single parent households that its sad and absurd. I refuse to be a statistic. <br />
I'm proud of you for being strong, making a decision and sticking to it! I hope I will find a guy who accepts my decision not to have children too.

Be strong and don't let anybody tell you what to do , because if you do u would never be happy

I must admit that I admire your resistance to the pressures surrounding you. I am almost 24 myself, and I have never even dated, nor do I have any intent of ever doing so in my life. No one really has a problem with this, but then again, in New England (MY naitve land), the attitudes are very different as compared to those in the South. Just stay true to your heart, and nothing will ever make you change your mind. :)

I agree with the comment above. And applaud your strength of character, in knowing what you yourself want, and how you feel about this very important issue.<br />
<br />
I married young, too - at nineteen. Eventually, we were divorced, so the children-thing never quite happened, but I know I always felt a sense of unease about the pressures to have kids within a year or two. As a daughter-in-law, it's kind of expected of you! I suppose I'm enough of a rebel to have resisted that stuff. I flirted with the idea of 'having a baby' once or twice, but it never really took hold. There was always something else which seemed stronger. Like the desire to be creative, to learn new things, or simply enjoy being part of a couple, but without the nappies, and feeds part of coupledom!<br />
<br />
Enjoy being who you are right now. You may, or may not eventually decide to have children. Either way, your experience of life as a non-mother counts too.