I Never Wanted Kids My Partner Does He Knew From The Start I Did Not Its Not Fair

I never wanted kids my partner does he knew from the start I did not its not fair really now after 12 years together I am 40 and he is 37. he has been harassing me for the last 5 years about it, with me telling him I just dont want them,

I love my freedom and sleep way to much and I am a real animal person my cats are my babies I have this maternal feeling with my animals......and as a kid I hated dolls, never wanted to hold other peoples babies when I hear them cry I have an instinct to run as fast as I can.

and the tought of having something inside you to me is like a torture alien story, then the 24/7 care and whining of kids and babies.....horrible.

now he finally accepted I refuse to carry a child of my own he is talking about ***** and egg donation and surogacy, ....its still the same thing I dont want to bring a kid in this crap world its hard enough as it is for us adults....

and I see all my friends struggle with their kids, also I use to work as a babysitter for a long long time before being established in the job I am now, and I know its fun for a few hours then you get your space back also still now I sometimes help friends out I am good as a friend with the kids I dont have to shout at them or lose my temper this way....like the parents do......I dont like telling things off also I could never have a dog because of this reason.

I love spoiling things not making them do things and teaching them things.

anyway i feel lonely these days I dont know what will happen in the future I feel like people and my partner just dont understand and allot of them are jalouse of my free life, I dont want to lose my partner but I am sick of this pressure of him wanting kids and constantly talking about it, like dont hang out with the kids next door cause they are a bad influence and then you dont want them yourself, he has no idea no clue he has never looked after a kid for more then a few hours, he has no idea how muchwork it is, he would be at work all day he has 100 hobbies he has not even time for now.

anyway I hope to find some people with similair stories or feelings to share this with its frustrating and making me angry and sad.

rapunzel72 rapunzel72
36-40, F
4 Responses Dec 3, 2012

I may be a little younger but I understand your feelings on this. Most of my co-workers, bosses etc are always talking about their kids, or future plans to have them. When they do I just sort of shut down and quietly dismiss myself from the conversation.

Perhaps the most important part of your story is that you believe bringing a child into this crap world would be bad. You are absolutely right. People who think having kids in this economy is a good idea are insane, ignorant or some combination of the both. If they have a reliable career and a stable home life to give a child that's a different story.

They think its a good idea until they end up in the DHS office with 2-3 kids they can't provide for and need to get food stamps and other things. Its just immature and irrational on their part.
Besides if people really MUST have kids they should adopt one of the countless babies without homes.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your mentality. You seem to have a better head on you then most people who do have kids.

Anyway thats my opinion on this subject. If anyone is offended I am sorry.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Even more, it's sad that your husband know how you felt about this but it's like he dismissed it and now he is giving you stress over it. People that refuse to hear the truth when it's spoken to them, they have a problem that they won't admit to. He lied to himself and he should have realized at the beginning that because you guys didn't agree on something that is uncompromisable, that maybe he needed to be with someone else when he had the chance. Instead, he is now hurting you. ((hugs))

Get him to babysit some unruly kids- nothing like a bit of real life perspective!

It's brave to admit that you don't want kids. I never did either. I even asked for a vasectomy and the doctor refused, saying I was "too young." I should have knocked up his 16-y.o. daughter and then he'd feel a little different about it, I bet. Instead, I hooked up with a lying p.o.s. who said she was definitely infertile due to ovarian cysts, and I took her word for it that no protection was needed. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Now I have a psychotic Ex... yes, she is full-blown paranoid schizophrenic, and wouldn't you know it? I am raising her son by myself because she couldn't handle reality, and just "flew the coop."

So, my Rapunzel friend, you tell your partner you are NOT having children, either by your own loins, or by surrogacy, or by adoption... be brave and face the future without him in your life. It is only fair that he be set free, too. No need to feel guilty claiming your right to a child-free life. You are certain to find a like-minded soul to journey with, eventually -- but you have to let go of this one. It's just not going to be good for either one of you to keep going this way.

Love, peace, comfort, and health to you....