Are They Patronising Me?

So many people look at me and say "You'll have kids one day!" even though I've made it clear I don't want them. On the one hand, I know lots of people do have kids even though they say they won't. On the other hand, this is not a decision I made a week ago- this has been the plan for quite a while.
There's not a single thing about having kids I want- from the pain, to the mess, to the hugging, to the cooing noises. I also don't have a partner and with my luck, never will! I've thought about it and decided I would rather be a "big sister" in a program for children with troubled lives. I don't have a maternal bone in my body and I just don't want to be stuck with such a huge responsibility! I'd rather make a difference part time for someone who really needs it- and with the knowledge I can bail if it gets to be too much!
I'm never quite sure whether to be offended when people tell m with great assurance- "You'll have kids one day!"

Dreams111 Dreams111
4 Responses Dec 20, 2012

I feel the same way about kids as you, and luckily, my parents agree that I'm not a kid person. No pushing for future grand kids, no "keeping the family tree going" speech, just agreement. While my parents are fine with it, I worry about what other people in our family might say. Right now, I'm too young for them to be asking about kids, but once I get older I know I'll have to answer those, something I'm really not looking forward to.

I think it has something to do with gender. I am about the same age and I have made it clear to everyone I will never want kids and even plan to get a vasectomy some day. I never hear anything about it anymore.

But with females.. people seem to think there is this hidden NEED to have kids. I have met people who strongly believe that if a woman doesn't want children, she is mentally ill. Or, her hormones are off or something.

They can't comprehend the fact that some people enjoy having freedom in their life to pursue their dreams and ambitions.

When people tell me that I personally take offense to it. People take it upon themselves to share their opinion about someone else's life when they shouldn't and such an attitude has become widely accepted when in fact it's just wrong.

I'm with you. I won't ever have kids.

This is a common response from those that don't understand or mistakenly believe they know you better than yourself. People aren't used to women openly saying they want no kids and meaning it.