Never Say Never...

I really have no desire to have children.  I just have so much I want to do in life and I honestly believe that I am just too selfish to give that all up for a child.  I am not saying that it couldn't possibly happen, but I just think it would be hard to travel, go to school, work, etc. with offspring.  I have two nieces and nephews and I think that will always be enough for me.  I just don't look forward to meeting the person I want to marry and worrying about whether they feel the same as I do.  I wonder, is that a question you bring up fairly early in the relationship?  Or do you just cross that bridge when you come to it?  I'm not sure, but who knows?  Maybe one day my opinion will change and I'll want eight kids, but I don't think it will be anytime in the forseeable future.

Alvertesupe86 Alvertesupe86
22-25, M
2 Responses Mar 17, 2009

It's not a matter of selfishness. Selfish is having a child to give meaning to your life. That's a lot to put on a kid and people do it all the time.<br />
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It's just a choice and, yes, you do reserve the right to change your mind at any time for any reason. <br />
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At the very least you sound undecided. I think it's fine to state it that way when the subject comes up. Just say you definitely aren't ready for kids any time soon and don't know that you ever will be. <br />
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I wait until he brings it up. I'm on no fast track for anything in a relationship and I believe dating isn't about finding a permanent mate so much as it is about learning about myself and others. If/when he brings up kids I tell him that is an honor I dream not of (with thanks to the bard). <br />
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I don't want to marry someone who gives up his dreams of children to be with me anymore than I want to have children just to keep my dream guy. It's not a sacrifice either of us should make, ever. Resentment is the only thing that can come from that.<br />
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You seem to be in a harder place because you don't seem to be entirely sure. Nonetheless, like anything in relationships, communication really is key. If you are dating a guy and it is getting quite serious do bring it up and express how you feel. We just have to understand that most people do want kids more than anything else. <br />
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Usually, they will bring it up first. Somehow it's taboo to even utter the word "marriage" on a first date but procreation is so much more acceptable as a subject. I any event, be true to yourself.

Like everything kids have their good points and bad points. lol. I have 3 and I wouldn't change a thing, I love having them, but I think it's ok if you realize you don't want any.