My 19 Year Old Son Hates Me!

My heart is really starting to hurt. In the last year my son has turned against me.He is 19 years old. I can't get him a car yet,but he always can have mine. I try to talk to him but he has nothing to say nothing nice anyway. Everything I do is wrong! He is working and he gets along very well with my husband,his dad. All we have done in the past year is argue.He has been bringing the same girl over for awhile,but says it's not his g.f. but she told his sister she was.I spent so much time with him when he was growing up. It was alot of the time just me and him.I am always s'portive and encourage him,but he ****** me off and I feel like he is ashamed of me and that hurts alot...



kwinith kwinith
68 Responses Apr 10, 2008

To the ladies on here i hope your not lying and pulling a fast one, that is to say you did something bad when they were children and are now trying to blame your children, but i do assume that some of the ladies on here are telling the truth in which case i wish my mother had been like you, you see my mother was evil tried to kill me for things like not saying the n word to a black person, hated me not being a bad son so she'd have someone to complain about, to her friends as their children misbehaved, most of her friends were drug dealers and so forth who abused me, and don't get me started about what i went through at school, anyway to the ones who are telling the truth, its possible either your children are just bad people sometimes it's not the parents fault, no matter what you tried to do to love or help them, anyway i wish i'd have had a mother who had raised me right, i have friends because i push people away as am scared to get hurt again, plus i dont date as i have a deep fear of being cheated on my mother raised me around people who cheated constantly and i know that people say not everyone does but the memory of the male ******** who beat me up so my mother could ********** to it and yes i was 7 when this happened, so my advice to you is create strong boundaries, tell sit down and talk to me, i will not tolerate your behaviour towards me and then tell them i wont be in your life until you apologies and change your behaviour towards me and then step out of their lives until they hopefully change, sorry i cant be of anymore help.

Add a response...

I'm a mum in the same situation as you all.
Heartbroken doesn't even come close and I have no idea where or how to begin coming to terms with his loathing of me.
I live in limbo, in the hope he might grow out of it, but that hope is fading as he reaches manhood.
I did my best and love him unconditionally and always will, until I take my last breath. The pain in my heart will never go away. It's almost like a bereavement, yet he's still here, choosing to ignore the woman who have gave him life and would give hers to protect him
I feel your pain and have gained great comfort from these posts, realising I am not alone x

my feelings exactly... i feel like I've lost my son. but he's here....just not the son i thought he would be :(

I was a sinlge mother for 19years to my only son. Gave him everything and now he hates me for I have no reason why. He said he never wants to talk to me again. I just bought a car for him to use and done everything I could for him. I don't know what I did so wrong and it hurts so bad. I even keep insurance on the car for him. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't explain why he hates me and doesn't want to talk to me. Telling everyone at his work and friends how horrible I am and I am the nicest person. I went with out to give to him all the time. It kills me that he is doig this to me. Why???

It's almost 2am in the morning where I live and I'm up in tears reading everyones post.... today I put my only son out of my house due to his disrespect towards me. I to was very close with my so growing up, for many years it was just he and I and we even had pet names for each other mine was turtle dove and he was my little love bug today he is 17 and I still call him love while he calls me a horrible mother. I don't know what happened over the years to make him hate me but it is tearing me down and breaking my heart! I've always provided and gave him the best life I knew how to give but I guess it wasn't good enough. I met my now husband when my son was 9 years old we had our first daughter together when my son was 10. As he got older his resentment became stronger not only with me but with his sister as well, he goes around lying on me to anyone who would listen, he says things like I love my daughter more then I love him, I never support anything that he does, he doesn't like me and he even believes in his head that I never took care of him when he's lived with his entire life. I clothed him, fed him, helped with homework, paid for school activities, made sure he had the best birthdays, Christmas any kid could want and what does he do to hurt me is give all praises to my mom and my sisters. My son has never bought me a birthday card nor mothers day card instead he acts as if it's no special day for me. My heart is aching so bad as the tears are still flowing down my face. I really just want my little boy back.

stay strong gorgeous mum. you have done more than anyone could ask. bank your love, your time, your affections. you have all this just waiting when he wants to make a withdrawal......... and he will. How lucky we are to have the wonderful memories of happy, appreciative and loving boys in their early years. He does love you. I know it is hard but just try to disconnect for a short while, for your own sake. It won't stop the tears at night but it might just give him the time he needs to realise how much you mean to him and soon he will start a conversation that does not include calling you names (isn't that the worst??) I will be thinking of you on Mothers Day. Take care of yourself, xx

OMG. When I did a search for WHY DOES MY TEENAGE SON HATE ME I didn't think anything would come up. I am in tears (again) just reading the stories of these wonderful mums who have so much love to give. I have been "banking" my love for so long now and it feels like I will never get my beautiful boy back. He is 17 and calls me some horrible names (on his mobile phone my name comes up as fuckn gronk?? and tells me horrible lies. Everyone tells me that he will grow out of it but by the look of these comments that may never happen. It is so hard being so distant when we were always so close. He tells me he hates me and that I should get a life. My therapist did remind me that I probably said that to my mother at times (which I did). She asked me if had meant it when I told her I hated her? I said no, ofcourse not. She said that he does not mean it either. I would give anything for him to start saying goodnight or good morning to me again. plus it is his final year of study and I hate seeing him not focus and spending more time with his criminal minded friends. It has always just been the two of us and I have worked my bum off to send him to good schools and provide for him,. He doesn't have a bad life you know, but I can't do anything right. He has his own car and has already nearly lost his license 6 months into getting his p plates. I am so disappointed and hate crying. My poor dentist copped it last week while performing root therapy. I just burst into tears thinking about all the abuse, etc. All of these stories are so touching and I feel for you lovely ladies too. Thank you for your comments (some sound just like my own). Although I have not stopped blubbering for the past hour reading them, I feel good to have at least let it out. As my dad says "this too shall pass"

Hi, you're not alone, I'm in tears reading everyones post. I also have a 17 year old son who hates me as well and I can't figure out why for the life of me. I love this kid so much and have been a great mom to him in all ways possible and he calls me a horrible mother! He broke my heart completely for the first time today, he called me names that I never would have imagined my once so sweet boy could say. He talked about me in my face , my appearance, said how he never liked me and only uses me for things and money when it's convenient for him. I'm literally crushed right now I can't stop crying! I've never showed him nothing but love. I'm so hurt because I always thought my son and I would be much closer considering the fact that it was he and I for so long. My son has seen me at my lowest, from crying to struggling, heartaches, hungry and almost homeless at a very young age and he has always been my motivation to do better. I just don't know what happened all I know is I want my little boy back.

My 22 yrs old son changed overnight with his attitude towards me at the age of 17 . Before that we were very close, he came to me for advise and we would go to the beach, hug and say I love you all the time. Around that time he was graduating, my husband and I separated and short story, my husband ended up in the hospital. I figure for the first time in his life, I could not help. Since then, he blames me for everything, I see it in his face the pain he wants me to have when he disrespects me with his belittlements. He has a good job, a good head on his shoulders but, he told me he decided to put his emotions away because they make him weak and because I raised him with no violence, i did not let him run the streets, made him aware of the dangers in life that I raised him to be a pu#^y. This his his language of choice when he speaks to me. My husband never spoke to me like that. He just bought his first house and is moving out in 2 wks. He disrespects me at every word. I cry so much, how could my loving son become my emotional abuser ! . I promised myself that my three boys would always know that I love them no matter what, but I can't except this and I don't know how to fix it :(

Hi, l have two sons who are ten years apart. They now 23 & 33. I went through similar attitudes with them both as teenagers until I had no choices but to throw them out before each of them turned 18. I was a single parent raising them both. Which can be difficult raising male children. No man in my life has ever spoken to me or treated me the way my sons did so it wasn't something they had learned neither did I have male friends that my sons would witness any inappropriateness.
in reading comments from mother's on this site there a recognisable factor I see in common in which I found with my sons. My sons behaviour changed when they got into relationships with their first girlfriends, and I sensed they were having sex. That's when I personally saw the change in their attitudes.
First as human being who cares and loves her children, I deserve respect in my efforts as a single parent importantly being their mother. I came to the conclusion that if they want to behave as an adult because in their minds having sex made them men, I am not saying I was against them or showed any anger to what teenagers often do at that age, but if I was to become the vile object because of their rendezvous with a female that's their problem. But I was not about to tolerate their disrespect towards me as their mother. I wasn't going to put up with it.

My sons are okay now their attitude and has gone and we get along okay. But am sure that their behaviour derived from their encounters with a females, alongside puberty and their lack of experience of understanding what relationships or about.
As mothers we have to draw the line and boundaries by putting our foot down to disrespect on our character no matter if it's our son.

Hello. I am sorry you had to experience such awful times with your sons. My son is 20 years old and ever since he turned 16 he has been competely disresptful, calling me all kind of names and now says he hates me and he doesnt want to ever see me again. He is my one and only son and he had a wonderful life growing up. I provided everything for my son. I raised him as a single parent he always had a nice house to live in food on the table nice clothes love love love. We moved from a nice area to a not so nice area because my fiance at that time wanted to live somewhere that was quiet. So when my son was7 we moved to a nice house out of county. My son was in private schools up until high school because there were no private high schools there in that county. So he went to public high. He did well until he was a junior. Then he started smoking pot and hanging with some kids that werent going to amount to anything. He still is hanging out with them today. I couldnt sell my house until he turned 18 due to the poor economy. He bonded with these kids and thats all the friends he knows. I am now married and we moved 2 states away with my son. He started gettig panic attacks due to smokin marijuana. So he stoped. He got a job at walmart and was doing really well. In jan of this year he said he was moving back to California where his friends are. He said he missed his friends to much and was bored living here. He wanted to be independent. He bought his grandmas car and drove 14 hrs. back to california. He has told me in the past that he hates living there and has even told his couple of good friends that he is sick of that place and is tired of the same stuff like partying. He doesnt like to drink but he will with his friends. He got a job for installing solar paneling just learning making pretty good money the drive was about an hr. and a half away from where he was living. He was working with one of his friends. He just recently was laid off until another job starts up again in a few weeks they told him which is about 8 hrs. away from where he is living. He wants to move there with his friend who just got in trouble with the law. I see on his facebook page pictures of him and he is very skinny now. After he told me today he hated me and doesnt ever want to talk to me again because i was telling him i dont like his lifestyle he then blocked me from facebook my only means of conversing with him. He got a speeding ticket 76 in a 55 mph zone and about 2 weeks ago he got in a 3 car accident fender bender he was the third car in the back. I am worried sick. I was wondering if you had any advice for me as to how i can not worry as much. I cant get ahold of him and i know he doesnt want me to anyway. Im Have fibromyalgia and am so sick. I am unable to sleep thinking something horrible will happen to him. Thank you.

Hi appleacres, First of all our children will always be our babies no matter how old they get. When they are young children it is easy for us to control their behaviour by adding love, morals and values. The sad thing is as they become young adults it takes time for us to accept that they are now an independent adult on their own in the world. I know i have been there, yes it's hard to let go, to be honest it's the not knowing that we have to let go that proves the hardest. As our children become adults we can no longer control their behaviour only guide them, without adding blame or using emotional blackmail. Adult children have to learn their mistakes by themselves. As parents we will get more respect by discipling ourselves to take a back seat and let them drive. Sure enough let them know you will be there to support them when they are in need of our support. Young adults i have learnt get easily depressed and frustrated if they have a parent saying, 'where have you been, have you eaten today, you should not do that, why did you do such and such, have noticed the word ''you'' young adults need encouragement not using the latter words which is treating them as chlildren and not young men. Men desire to be independent but mother's often insist they need a woman in their lives, them! to keep them warm, wash their clothes, cook and clean. Trust me they will have to learn all of that themselves and they will if we allow them to.

We have to let them find their own mistakes and once you let go to allow them to be men, your worries will never go away but it will become much easier to bare. They in turn will respect you for allowing them to be the man they want to be not how you want them to be. We have to butt out and in turn allow them to come to us when they are in need and then they will be more open and accepting the best advice any one could give them. They will respect your advice and support much quicker more likely take to follow on through with it. Believe ME I learnt the hard way.

Oh my god reading these replys have just stopped my heart from breaking. I got some very hurtful nasty texts off my son this evening but feel so alone because I cant talk to anyone because im terrified its going to spiral out of control and I cant take anymore arguments. My son who was so friendly caring had time for everyone met this girl and in two years he has fallen out with everyone. I feel I been blamed on rhe the lot I dont know what to do or were to turn. Broken hearted

My 17 year old son hates me too.. He makes me cry every single day.. I feel like I have failed him somehow, because if I hadn't, why would he look at me with disgust and talk to me the way he does. My heart is breaking.. You are not alone.. But I thought I was.

I am going through the same thing. My son hates me and I don't even bother him. Last thing I ask him was did you have a good weekend and he cussed me out and said he hated me. That I need to grow up.. Ugh...What is his problem?

Good heavens. This was the issue which brought me to Experience Project back in the summer of 2011, and the one with which I was more engaged than any other. I see now how many additional responses there are ...I had no idea that so many women (and some men) were dealing with the same heartbreak from sons around that age.
I'm very grateful to Experience Project ~ it genuinely helped me back then when I saw that the problem was more widespread than I knew, and it still helps me today.
I don't know exactly WHY it helped/helps, but, there you go.

It is very sad and hurting to have our beloved child behave in an odd cold way. It is the turn of the century and surely there is collective moral decadence in all over the world, every race and every country is affected by it. May I kindly ask if your son is into computer and video gaming? I know some people who do spend too much time on video games, are addicted to it and hence it deeply affects the way they think, feel and behave.
May God help all the young people who are suffering from this silent abuser “Computer Video Games”.
I look forward to hear back from you.

I hope things got easier for you?

do not let him stay at your house. simple - he is a man & now
a 'step dad' time for him to man up ,. i am not saying this as someone with no experience, my son has a drug problem & has stolen from me. the worst we can do for our children is let them be idiots & encourage & support it - life is hard - lessons are hard - they just are. if he treats you like that say bye bye sweetie - love you - but you are an adult now & i will under no circumstances allow you to treat me like that - good luck & God bless - but - you are on your own now

wow, it is very interesting to see that so many mothers have also hardship with their child. I have add such a heartache and sadness and unfortunately it all happened in one month, maybe that is why I am so distress.
My husband passed away when my son was 5 years old. We were a great family. I have devoted my life to my son trying to fill the shoes of father and mother. We were very close, I gave him everything , we had good communications and laugh together, played sports etc. etc.
Now trying not to go to much in details I will skip to November 2013, where everything just went crazy and turned our lives upside down. He is 18 and will turn 19 in February 2014, he met a woman at work. She is 26 and has a 2 year old son. She came on to him, saying too bad he is so young and that she could go for a guy like him. My son is 6,5' and good looking, he looks older than his age. So he was attracted to her, being his first real girlfriend. So at the end of November they started dating, well he went crazy, she is the love of his life, she is the first woman he has had sex with and all.
When I told him I disapproved of this relation because I thought he has just started the young adult age, he should be out with his friends and partying and that I thought he was too young to be a step dad, well that is when he exploded saying I was ruining his life, I did not want him to be happy, that he got a tattoo to **** me off and that he hopes I don't get sick, so I will not be a burden to him. Wow that put a knife in my heart and that all happened a couple of days before Christmas. He has changed so much, he has abandoned his friends, his computer games he apparently loved so much, has no more money in his back account and his taking drugs regularly. He sleeps at my house maybe once or twice a week to do his laundry. He did apologize for hitting the wall and talking to me like that, it's like I lost my son and nothing I do or say is ok. I just hope that this is a big crisis he is going through and will wake up.

Wow I had no idea so many other moms were going through this. I have read all the stories and can identify with every single one. To know that other mom's are experiencing the same level of agonizing pain is somewhat normalizing this experience for me... Thank you all for being brave enough to tell
My son is 18yrs old right now. He is my only biological son. Words cannot explain the bond that this child and I had. He was not my only child.. however he was definately a priority child. As I was reading before I decided to share I noticed that there are patterns, one being that most of the parents on this story put their child on a pedestal. Possibly this is a contributing factor in the result we are experiencing? My son was my first priority. I supported him in every single step he took in life.
I was married to his father for 20yrs, however we seperated when my son was 10.
My husband was abusive in every fashion. I had my children especially my son that they wanted dad to leave. I did muster up the courage and did leave him. We remain friendly with eachother and did not cause and enstrangements to the children over it. He was rarely abusive to the children physically however mentally and emotionally it was a daily occurence.
I did adopt another son, due to someone in the family giving birth to a child and was addicted to drugs and homeless with health issues.
My son's behavior admittedly starting changing once my husband left. I chaulked it up to be a phase due to having freedom of expression now! My son has always been an honor student and high achieving with sports. He has never smoked, drink alcohol, do drugs or has had sex. All of these remain true to today. My son started with getting into a fight with his sister and decided to refuse to speak to her ever again. He accomplished this. He still has not spoken to my daughter, his baby sister in 5 years. He refuses to interac with any of the family. He will not join Christmas dinners instead he dishes out and returns to his room. His room is where he is 98% of the time he is in the house. He isolates in there watching t.v. playing on his phone. My son will not initiate a conversation with anybody in the family he will answer your question very generically and with one word and walk away while he is doing it. I have stopped him many times to say I love you, I miss You, You look very nice, how was your day... al the way to ....I will beg you to tell me what I did I will do anything to make it better. My son will say nothing. He will not give me one detail. I have been bawling for years over how my son makes me feel and how he makes others in the family feel. I have no idea what to do anymore. There is sooooo much more I could explain but it all boils done to if you think I have done wrong than I have and I am sorry and want to correct it somehow, if you need help I am here, if he needed space I gave it to him I have tried everything I know and everything I heard. Now yesterday as I am telling my son that my other son is allowed in the room as it is his room too my 18yr old sons so no and continues to tell me that he does not like me nor respects me. He thinks I am a joke and doesnt care if I am hurt or anything really. So I tell him he needs to leave my house and he responds by saying no why would i do something for someone i dont respect. So I called some cousins and his Dad and he is now out of my house. My other children feel relieved.
However I have lost my heart, he owned it.... I dont think I will ever be the same person again.
But EVERY abusive relationship needs to be SHUT DOWN!

Hi, i am there right now :( my kid is 18 years old and he is leaving in my house 24/7
98% inside his room, no friends, nasty behavior against me, as you , he is my number one priority, his father pass away when he was 2 yrs old and never get married again, he used to said "love mom: almost every day until he turn 14 yrs old he changed for bad with me, he shut down on me, no talking, I am here for him, he is depress but don't say what is his issue, I had to brought therapist to my house to try to talk to him but still the same situation, he is not a bad kid no drugs, he has emotional disturbance but I don't now how to help him , he does not interact with any member of the family either, he has his computer and his Ipad in his room, this situation is destroying me but I have to be strong for him,

my heart just breaks for all of you parents that are here. Im Christian and I know through many MANY experiences and stories that God is the answer. pray for your children and I mean PRAY! Have faith in God. When it feels like everyone left you and you have nobody to turn to turn to God. He's your friend tell him EVERY LITTLE SINGLE THING THAT'S BOTHERING YOU ask God for help so he would soften your children's hearts. And he will. It could happen right away or in a month or in a year but God WILL help! And I mean actually have faith in him not like pray a week and stop because nothing is happening. ..that is not faith. Faith is when you believe and believe and believe no matter how long. God is going to work with your familys hearts little by little from the inside. Or keep a praying journal where you just pour all your pain and grief God will always help in one way or another. Ill pray for all of you right now. -t

I agree with you prayer is the only answer trusting in God to change the heart and mind of their disrespectful children is the only way. It is mentioned in the bible that children in the end times will become disrespectful to their parents and am sure all of these parents sharing their concerns and unhappiness would never have spoken to their parents the way their children have spoken to them. So mother's and father's PRAY trust God and believe as 'Pleaseread23' mentioned the change may happen instanstly, tomorrow or in a year either way keep the faith by believing and thanking God for his works will accomplish every thing. As said by pleaseread23 I also will pray for all of you on this site so that children and their mother's will come to Jesus Christ in their hour of need. Amen...

I too googled "why does my son hate me". I'm far from alone on this topic. I divorced when my boys were 7&9. They are now 18&20. Their dad told me that he was going to turn them against me. He was hurt from the divorce and didn't move on. I didn't realize, but he was brainwashing my boys from an early age, saying untrue and horrible things. Undermining me and belittling me. Now my youngest son hates me and won't even speak to me. It painful. It makes me feel like I was a horrible mom. I wasn't perfect, but I feel like I failed. I know better, but those feeling keep coming up . I jus don't know how to reach him and undo the brainwashing. It's sad and can relate to the pain the other mothers are feeling

Hi Raediaz, I know this is a late reply but I've only just started googling this, my son is 13 and my situation is very similar to your own i.e myex has turned him against me since we split 9 years ago. How are things now for you and your son? I hope things have improved for you. Sending love, K x

i am a heartbroken mother as well....divorced my ex like 23 years ago and nw my son says everytime he sees me he hates me and his resentment for me keeps comin back to haunt me.
l have always put him on a pedestal....nw aged 32 years is no longer the son i bore and raised. H e evolved to a totally new person with so much disrespect and bad attitude. He only horrible to me and perfectly fine with the rest of the world.
Hard decision but i have decided to move on in my life without him...he indicated he built a life without me so what the hell!
life goes on....

I ache to the core, I am so very very sad due to the treatment I get from my 27 year old son. For years I have been disrespected and clearly hated by my son. He truly hates me but I don't know why. He tells me this and I believe him, I am at the end of my tether an feel like driving into a brick wall REALLY. My husband can hardly function day to day. I have been strong for him but don't know what to do anymore. I have been threatened with getting a glass smashed in my face , he smashes his room. I am in fear of my life sometimes and have called the police because I was so scared. He has worked away a times but is living back at home at the moment and is (when he can be motivated) looking for a job. I think he is mentally ill and I am worried that he will abuse any wife he should find. He laughs when he has reduced me to tears and when he can see my fear and I just don't get it. He has no tolerance for anything at all, If you have a different opinion to him then you are a moron/ imbecile or something similarly derogatory. My life is full sadness and desolateness of life with my son. I love him but he's unbelievably horrible. Shamefully I have thought if he died I couldn't be as sad as I am now. I'm sad for him too because he doesn't seem happy with anything in his life and I want to help him but don't know how.

Good Lord - get a restraining ordre & don't let him back in your house...why in God's name would you let anyone treat you like that?

I heartily feel for you where your own son who is the love of your entire life, treats you in the most undesirable and undignified way. You give him your life, your true love and continuous support and yet he is far from seeing it, or understanding or having any notion of it. Or even perceive how he is causing hurt to his beloved mum. Do you know if he is into computer games? I did ask the same question from another friend on this forum.
I appreciate your sincere feedback, as it can be a break through this nasty behaviour.
God bless you and your son to become more understanding and compassionate. My goes for you…

Oh my goodness that is how 2 of my sons treat me! Did it get better for you, any of you? I am weeping because my 20 year old son calls me a ***** and smashes his room up and tells me to eff off. Also, my 29 year old son won't return my calls and when I just spoke to him he tells me I always argue with him, so of course i said, "no I don't" and then he nastily and cleverly showed how I had just proved his point. I am devastated. It must be ME, but I don't think I have been a bad mum. I love my children and always tell them so, but they act like I am a piece of sh*t. I want to die.

Tell it all to God prayer to soften your son's heart and to take all the behaviours you find hard to endure and close in Jesus name, Amen

1 More Response

I too am having problems with my son. My 19 year old son has become so heartless. He holds grudges against anyone who upsets him or disagrees with him. He says he hates his brother and wouldn't care if anything happened to him. He uses bad words in normal conversation and I tell him not to speak to me that way, but does not care how I feel. He says he's not cussing at me so I shouldn't get so mad. I just did not raise him that way and do not know why he is the way he is. He says he hates living at home and wants to move out. I told him he has the choice to do what he wants. I'm just heartbroken. I just hope we can get through these hard times.

I would love to hear what has happened with your son since. This sounds like my situation and I flew off the handle today. I just can't take it anymore.

I know how you feel. My 19 year old hates me too. I don't understand it either. Most his life his dad rejected him( and we're not divorced) and his sister couldn't stand him and would purposely reject and hurt him. I was always there and protected him. Now it is like he is ashamed of me and cant stand the fact that i exist. Im do deeply hurt and if i try to tell him it just enrages him. I dint have words of wisdom for you, I wish I did. I just wanted you t.o know you're not alone

I protected my son as well from his mean dad his mean sisters,sisters where mean because he was mean to me, he hates me,lies to everyone of how his life sucks,living here etc,today he told me to go rot in my room you fat disgusting pig, he is always disrespectful to me when no ones home sometimes in front of his sisters, I embarresed im lost and i dont know what to do?

his moods flip minute by minute nice as an angel to me I fall for it, and bam he flips on me. thanks for letting me post

I'm sorry, but if my son talked to me like that he wouldn't be living with me. Maybe it's time for you to turn him out and see how he does in the real world. I feel your pain, but what you are describing is abuse. If he treats his mother that way, how will he treat a wife?

I also have a 20 year old son he is such a problem we gave him everything growing up same as our other 4 children but he is never happy he won't go to work he always sits in Internet cafes and library on computers he want to argue and threaten all the time he's tried hitting the other kids many time and the language is terrible he knows he's dad is very ill with heart desease and can't have stress I also have many medical problems but he does not care about nobody but himself you either agree with what he says or he starts housing said hell wait about 4 years for housing please help with advice I really don't no wat else to do

we have many similarities in our problems, except that I am married to a wonderful Christian man and we have 5 wonderful children. Well, that was until they became teens and are breaking their mothers heart. Our eldest boy is 15 and its just unbelievable the way he has changed within only a year or so. I also had to quit school and i was so close to getting my degrees. we should chat, this should be a group, a support group for moms going through this with their children. I think it would really help.

My heart is breaking every day as I see what once was a beautiful relationship between my son and I become non existant. He is 15 and dosnt want to talk with me at all, and will never even give me a simple hug. I know what i have to do now. I must be strong because he is trying to pull away and grow up and I am being to needy i guess by wanting what we once had. He is older now, and he is trying to grow up. The only thing I cant stand is the disrespect. I need to get stronger and realize what he needs now is for me to let go a bit....but boy does it hurt.....

wow. I feel your pain. i have a 15 year old that up until this summer did everything together, we were buddys esspecially when it came to snowmobiling. now i cant get him to spend 2 minutes with me. what the hell happened?

My son tells me all time he hates me .. I divorced his dad 11 years ago and my son was 13 yrs old when I did he says I ruined his life .. I made him the way he is he smokes pot hangs out with his friends doesn't work .. Just doesn't care about anything and its all my fault .. I pay his phone bill every month and give him money when I can but if I can't omg sh¥£€ hits the fan he is so hateful towards me he keeps asking me why me and his father divorced and I tell him it had nothing to do with him or his sister and that's it's between me and his father and that really ****** him off .. He makes me cry on a regular basis it's so sad because I never thought he would be a pot head that doesn't want to do anything with his life . Me and his father still talk and we get along great I've known him since I was 16 he is a great father hard worker so I just don't get it he had a great roll model ... Hurting real bad don't know what to do .....

you have to share it and know that others are going through the same thing, like myself. It is helping a bit now, that i have a few more ideas of how to act around him. we need support for this, so message me ok?

its this generation. i dont know what the hell happened but everything has gone completely to hell. too much no faith, too much divorce, too much no respect. everythings different these days. people are crazy!

My 27 year old Son acts as if I am nothing just fly on jam we once were close bit since he lived with a girl it's got to stage where we van not talk with put a put Me down said its sadder than sad.

I too, just googled why does my son hate me. I have fought so hard for him for for years. He has derailed my entire life for years. At 18(now 19.5) he moved out after detroying his room, relationships, school, scholarship. He lied aboyt our family in high school to get sympathy. Sayingwe disowned him abused him kicked him out, when he was hiding at a drug dealers. He takes our money but estranged himself, followed him. Brought food, damage deposits rent furnishing etc, gifts. Found out he was on meds, and off, asked him to see.a psych, he was cutting, really confused. He destroyed our xmas, beat me up and into the hosp for half a day... in front of his little minor sister. My heart is broken. I mourn my son . He was such a lovely smart boy, we were great friends. I found a blog where he is again lying about his whole family! Won.t associate with even one family member...grandma, niece, sister, grandfather just passed away. He wont even respond.

I have two Daughters and two more Sons not one of the girls have ever gone this way both boys had thier tantrums. But not Like my 27 year old I think it's more common that boys are hating thier own Mothers and blame them for everything then girls,

i have a 22 year old son who is so selfish he was brought with love anything he wanted he got but now he treats his father and i with such contempt i do not know where this has came from as we have helped him out time after time it has got to the stage were we cant wait to get him out of our house and that breaks my heart

My son hates me, too. I'm German, his father is Morrocan. I did not see him despite the most efforts between 1997 until 2009 when he finally visited me to express his hate. Former I was so hopeful and expecting but now I wish him worst, too, as I see he's only instrumentalized by his father . I was married a second time and I educated 3 girls(this time I chose the names: Daphne-Nora, Bérénice-Rabea and Undine). I don't love him any longer. While I missed him-why didn't he do the same? Feel the same? No link at all? It's a horror having in mind his photo 5-years-old and now I see his photo of a 21-year-old man. I'm no longer afraid of horror films.

Bouslamti, Our job is to love them no matter what and to pray for them. It\'s hard I know. You can be angry with them. That\'s ok. But we still have to love them and be there for them. There is something wrong with this generation of adults, that\'s for sure. I know of so many really good parents who have lost their sons, who won\'t even front up and talk it out. What is bothering them? We don\'t know. I have two who have done the same to me. My daughter and I haven\'t seen or heard from them for nearly a year now. It hurts like hell, especially when you don\'t know what it\'s about. How can we put it right if they won\'t talk about it? Do they want it to stay broke?

I'm a dad and my son called me a failure in front of my girlfriend and her son in public. That's about all the pain a dad can handle with his own child. This issue goes both ways for parents.

This makes me feel like I'm not alone.I went through it with my 20 year old and now my 17 year old.What is with this generation.I've done everything their whole life for them

I guess it’s true- misery loves company. I found this site when I Goggled “my 19 year old son hates me”. I was so depressed and felt so alone. It saddens me to know that so many of you are having this experience but I have to admit that I do feel a little better knowing that I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing your stories.<br />
I put my 19 year old son out a few weeks ago (again) because he refused to take car parts out of his bedroom and put them in the shed. I’m talking about tools, oil pans, exhaust systems, etc. We have a shed in the backyard as well as an empty closet on the first floor. He became loud and verbally abusive (again). OMG the things that come out of that boy’s mouth! He left while I was out of the house. I returned to find MORE holes in my walls, the front door wide open and the back patio door unlocked. Obviously he wanted the house to be robbed before I got back home.<br />
He tried to come in the house Friday but found the locks had been changed. He ripped the shutters off the front of the house, broke them and tossed them into the neighbor’s yard. I filed for a stay away order today. I have to protect my younger child/step-children and property but I feel like crap.<br />
This disrespect, disregard for my rules and property damage has been going on for years. He only pulls it together when he wants something. I’ve been married for 2 years and things escalate even more whenever my husband is around. After reading your stories I realize this doesn’t just happen in blended families.<br />
<br />
We used to be so close. We share the same birthday and I used to think of him as my special birthday present. I love him so much. I wish I liked him too.<br />
<br />
I used to wonder why some animals eat their young.

I don't 'like' that you are going through what you are, but really appreciate that you are sharing your thoughts. It really does help :) I googled "why does my teenage son hate me" - it's sad that so many blogs came up, but is comforting to know that I'm not alone. Thanks again for sharing and I hope things get smoother for you and your son.

"I used to wonder why some animals eat their young" Oh made me laugh...loudly..thanks for that!

He's a spoiled little **** like my 19 year old son. Everything is a battle with him except when he wants something. He doesn't turn the TV or music down when asked. He just argues. He has a filthy mouth, smokes pot and is a lazy pig. He starts college in 2 weeks so let's see how that goes. I want to throw his *** out but my parents said if I do, I am disowned. Why can't he live with them so they can see what a self-centered Snot he is!

I can relate big time. My son says I'm a crazy person... By now, I'm sure that I am (because of him). He is kind to other family members (to their faces), but speaks horribly to me about them. If he doesn't get his way, he cusses me out, punches holes in doors and walls, tells me he hates me. He is almost 17 yrs old. To be one of the sweetest, most compassionate boys I have ever been around, this is behavior I thought I'd never see. I'm beyond heartbroken.

I am a single mom of six. My oldest son is almost 19. I divorced their dad 2 1/2 years ago because he was becoming more and more physically abusive, to me as well as to them. I was with him since I was 15... for 27 years. When the police and Child Protective Services got involved, I filed for divorce and got sole custody and guardianship of all six kids. It was the most embarrassing, humbling experience of my life... my husband was an elder in our church, and we have always had polite, respectful, well-behaved children and have never before attracted the attention of the police or the Ministry. My church shunned me because my wonderful, godly husband had never cheated on me, so I had no grounds for divorce and I should have just been more submissive and let God change his heart. They told me that I should have been willing to let my children be removed and put into protective custody and just believed they would eventually be returned when things were better. I left without a backward glance, believing my children's safety and emotional health was more important than anything else.<br />
<br />
Since my divorce, my life has been a nightmare... my oldest son tells me I ruined my one shot at marriage when I abandoned his dad, and that if I ever try to date someone else he will make my life a living hell. He screams and swears at me when his siblings are playing outside because I am a negligent mother and my job is to stand there and watch them every second (it's not as if I send them out to play in the street... I know exactly where they are and who they are with!). He gets angry that I don't have healthy food in the house (not true), and got mad at me last night because his 8 yo brother was returned from a visit with his dad at 10 PM and I didn't immediately fix him something to eat. He had eaten and was saying he wasn't hungry... and because I didn't force-feed him that makes me a negligent mother.<br />
<br />
I was supposed to go back to school this fall to finish up a clinical counseling degree, but things have gotten so chaotic in our home that I completely switched career paths because I honestly think I could USE a counselor more than I should BE one. I have been a stay-at-home mom since I had my first child. So now he is angry that the kids will be taking the school bus to their private school instead of me "being a mother" and taking them, even though I will be home by the time they come back in the afternoon.<br />
<br />
I have now met and am dating a wonderful man, and our hope is to get married in a couple of years when I finish school. But honestly, I don't know if my son will ever accept that... or if he will kill himself, kill me, make things so stressful my boyfriend walks away or leave and never speak to me again. I feel like his dad never left, and things are just as tense and anger-controlled as they were before I divorced him. Doesn't this boy know that I walked away from my marriage to protect him?! Please tell me it gets better at some point?

I was an idiot when I was your son's age. Although, I never ever verbally or otherwise disrespected my parents. They'd of killed me! I just got my self involved in all kinds of peer pressure activities; testing all boundaries; revelling in life's possibilities. I was a rebel without a pause. Eventually, I had my own children and made my applogizes to my parent. Yes, some children will go through all the stages and phase of youth and come out on the other side as mature practical adults -- not all. My son is 27 years old and under the guidance of my family, friends and elders I've waited. "He'll come out of it" They said. He never did. He is psychotic. The sign were always there. No one believed me. Love, Weeping Heart

My son who's now 18 had a wonderful childhood.He had love,comfort and financially was very well taken care of.He was a little anti social in school and with friends but was extremely musically talented as well as physically gifted for sports so I figured he would grow out of it.At 15 his mom walked out of our lives.He lived with me for 3 years and socially he became the center of attention with his friends and became so out going he didn't want to be home or with me anymore.He refused to do anything at our home and made life hard on me.I tried everything from begging him to clean up his mess or wash his clothes with no results and he would cuss me and disrespect me in front of his friends.He would tell me I'm not staying up in this place.Eventually it would get physical and he out weighs me by 80 pounds so it was a challenge to get him to listen.One day he just moves out,goes to his moms now he won't even call or talk to me period.I don't want us to loose the love we had and we were very close when he was younger.I don't know wether to let time pass and see if he comes around or keep trying to be a part of his life because he acts like he dosent know me

cont.....Then I cant be your mother in death... Ive removed my son from all my accounts, Ive tried talking to him, even a therapist, got involved with his girlfriend. Only for them to accuse her of attacking them. Taking situations and turning them around so they are the victim. I find out 4 months after everyone else knows they are getting married. They dont want me there. I could go on for pages on this situation. I find writing in a journal helps. His sister he doesnt even have anything to do with her. This is a kid that goes to church...Why? I blame her for some of it. I cant say anything to him he snaps at me. No christmas with him last year. Her family loves him. His relationship with her mom is important. I have to cut him loose...he doesnt care

My heart goes out to all you mothers. I cant take anymore of the up and down emotions of the relationship with my 30 yr old son. One day Im crying and the next I wanna punch him in the face..."what is the matter with you?" Did I not beat you enough?,lock you in a closet long enough?. None of this happened. I haven been married to his father for 15 years. He dislikes or has issueds with his younger sister and older brother. He always seemed to be a good kid, the usual college drinking. Has his degree and a good job, he met this girl sorta liked her. She was really nice to me and his sister, now they are a couple getting married I guess she doesnt need us anymore. Used??? She has shifted my son into her family and he doesnt have any for us anyumore time for us. If i was a drunken, drug crazed mother I could understand.. Ive comed to the conclusion if I cant be your mother in life then I can ge your mother in

My son hates me too. It's Mother's Day and he is with his step-mom. We made plans to hang out, and It's almost two and I finally get a call, no happy day wishes just grumpy one word answers. He is totally breaking my heart and has done so for years. Mother's Day has been horrible for years and this one is no different. I guess he doesn't want to break with tradition. I've been crying for hours, and I just wish we could be close. People often say it's his age or it's just a stage, but it has been this way for many many years. I just keep holding on to the hope that one day he may realize that I'm not a horrible person and start treating me well.

My son came out about a year and a half ago. He is our only child. We love him and accept him, but he says he hates us. He is always angry. He talks terrible to us and has even hit me and thrown things at me. I'm at my wits end. We love him more than life itself, but our household is a war zone. I've asked him to leave and he says he cant afford it, but he can't wait to "get out of this hell hole". I can't believe some of the things he says. They are mean and hurtful. We've always had a beautiful and loving home. I don't know what to do.

I bear the scar of Caesarean,spent countless nights in the pediatric cardiac unit, struggled with a child with add and learning challenges.<br />
Cheered every small and large achievement and then <br />
I told my 20 yr. old son I didn't like his Facebook picture he had posted. He took offence and has not spoke to me in over 300 days. The pain is unmeasurable. He truly hates me.

Great advice and muchly needed by me. My heart is so heavy knowing my loving little boy has turned into a 19 year old mum hater. Things can only get better :(

I could have written your post myself, psteven. My son is 18 and also a 'mum hater'. My feeling are hurt, but most upsetting is the thought that one of my kids is feeling that I don't care and that I don't love them with all my heart, because I do! According to my daughter, my son is angry that I wasn't 'supportive' of his choices growing up - like when he wanted to convert to Catholicism at 13. No offense to any Catholics - but we aren't Catholic and no you aren't converting! If you want to do that as an adult fine, but not before. So that comment along with other equally "unsupportive" behavior has me in the parental doghouse. I cry whenever I think of my son and how distant he is now. He was such a sweet, loving little boy and now he hates me. I waiver between being heartbroken and pissed off - if he wants to be angry at someone how about his deadbeat dad who moved 3,000 miles away to avoid child support. No birthday or Christmas gifts or cards, nothing. I knock my brains out to support 3 kids on my own and this is what I get? AM praying this is just a phase, as my daughter suggests, and that he will outgrow it or at least open up to me so we can sort it all out. :(

My goodness, its awful to say, but a relief to know that other mothers feel heartbroken about how their sons treat them in late teenage years. None of us deserve it, we know that, all we do is love them, but perhaps that has been the problem, we have loved them too much? given in to their needs, done too much for them, not given them enough boundaries, this is how i feel anyway. However, it still doesn't give them the right to treat us with no respect. I am trying to let him be the adult he thinks he is, i am withdrawing my 'services', i no longer do his washing, ironing, or clean his room. I have told him i love him and that I will always be here for him, but i can no longer be his 'mummy', i will be his mother, i will let him make his own decisions and if they go wrong or if he feels hurt and wants to talk, thats when i will be there. Perhaps he will respect me more, i don't know, but i can no longer nag him or tell him what to do, i miss my 'little boy', but i have to let him grow. I need to concentrate on me now... and he needs to find his way...... a mother's job is to let them fly and let them return to the nest when they need you. All this is easier said than done, but i did this with my other son, who is now 36..... he loves and respects me and talks of when he needed to fly..... so fingers crossed one day my nest will be warm and enticing to my two adult sons when they need to fly home, but i'll be happy and content when they are flying..... my feelings go out to all you mums who are having to set them free xxxxxxx J

Well said Jacquie ...and it sounds as though you followed a similar trajectory to mine (my two sons are 35 and 20). Have a great week all !

Thanks Dehydra.... so you too were a young mum and an older mum!!! very different experiences arent they!! how is your 20 year old???

Jacquie, I am sooo sorry that I didn't see your reply for TWO YEARS [facepalm] fact two years exactly to the date.
Clarifying Note: I just changed my Username.
Yes, they ARE two very different experiences; for instance, I worried about things with the younger one that never even occurred to me with the older.
Re my younger son, now 22: things are friendly but a bit distant. I really have 'let go' but it wasn't easy.
How are things with yours ?

I have just logged on after crying and crying for the past few hours, only to come across this forum and smile for the first time in a long time.<br />
I adored my son. He works hard, is healthy and is good to everyone.....except me.<br />
I grew up in a very abusive household as an only child. My stepfather treated me terribly, broken bones etc, and my mother stood by watching the abuse from as early as 4 years of age. I have battled depression and suicide attempts (hidden from the children) and after finally cutting ties with my mother and stepfather I am seeing the light and moving on.<br />
The problem is, my mother is manipulative and my son has sided with her and my stepfather, even though he has fought with my stepfather to keep him from killing my mother, just like I used to do.<br />
I have kept my son on a pedestal for so long, and now realise, like someone else also said earlier, there is a pattern. He is only nice to me when I give him money.<br />
We have little money and I believe his latest behaviour is because I can't afford to keep paying his mobile phone bill, even though he works and I don't. <br />
Only an hour ago, I made the heartbreaking decision to stand up for myself and tell him to stop treating me with no respect. I told him I love him but I wont be treated like this anymore. When he is ready to treat me with the respect I deserve I am here, until then he can stay away. Its time for abuse to end in my life.<br />
My heart is broken but I feel strangely like a weight has been lifted.<br />
Thank you for allowing me to share.

I support you, motley !
I used to watch Dr. Phil from time to time, and as he would say, "We teach people how to treat us."
You have just acted as your own friend, sticking up for yourself the way you would do for a person you love ...and that is critical to getting the respect you deserve. Hugz, D.

Hi Stick with the tuff love. In time all the hurt and stress with this situation will be gone and you'll feel so much better. Let him pay his own phone bill. You are not alone. There are thousands of mothers that dont have relationships with their children. Try to Vent your pain in a journal.

Hello all,<br />
<br />
It's really quite disheartening to see such abuse. My sympathies to all of you. I'm not a mother, so I cannot even begin to understand the kind of pain this must put you all through. I'm a daughter - one who deeply cares about her mother and father. I have a younger brother who will just be turning 18, and has very similar problems. We come from a well adjusted, middle class family - two parents, me, and my two younger brothers, one 18 and the youngest one is 12. My 18 year old brother has always been somewhat troubled. I don't know what it is, but ever since middle school, he's just always hung out with the bad crowd, smoked, and been somewhat of a problem maker. I think it's also partially my parents fault because they've been way too lenient with him. He gets away with a LOT of stuff that I would never get away with. And moreover, when he is grounded, my parents used to let him out of it half way through, or they would never follow up with negative reinforcement. But now that he's growing older, we expected him to become a little more responsible. However, that hasn't happened. Honestly, my mother is growing older. She doesn't have the energy to keep picking up after him. My father also has a few health issues and the stress isn't good for him. My brother never does the laundry, doesn't clean up the washroom when he uses it, his room is in TERRIBLE condition, and he leaves messes all over the kitchen when he makes himself a snack. He complains LOUDLY about the "unhealthy" food my mom makes, but can't be bothered to make himself a something. He's dead broke, but acts as if money grows on trees. Can't he understand that my parents have bills to pay, a house to run, and dropping cash for his luxury is not an option. I think he thinks they're just cheap, but my parents can't afford all his gaming consoles, and even if they could why should they when he treats them the way he does. When wants something, it's all "we're a happy family, I'm a great son," and the second he's got what he wanted, he's back to being a *******. He has an ego the size of Russia and he's damn arrogant. I feel like he's constantly on edge about everything and when he opens his mouth everything he says is just so hostile. Even when he's in a good mood, he's aggressive and ready to pick a fight. And I can tell this is really starting to strain my parents relationship as well. My father isn't exactly a saint - my brother had to get his bad habits from somewhere, right? When my mom gets upset with him, he verbally abuses her so much, and then my father gets involved and well, things just go downhill from there. He demands respect, but has absolutely no respect for anyone.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm currently in grad school so I can only come home during the weekends. And even then, I can't keep picking up the pieces of our family. I just feel like we're all pretty estranged from him, and the tension in our house is starting to cause problems between the rest of us. My mom is in constant heart break. You know, it's SO hard watching someone you love go from being happy and full of life and energetic to becoming dead on the inside. The light in her eyes has long gone away and I hate that. My mother is the most amazing woman in the world and because of him she feels like a failure as a mother! I can't help but wonder why me and my youngest brother aren't good enough for her to be happy with us. But after reading this thread, I think I understand. You love all your kids the same, so it doesn't matter if the others are good, one bad kid is enough to break the home and the heart. I'm just not sure what to do anymore, and I don't want my youngest brother to follow in the 18 year old's footsteps. They're already practically attached at the hip and I don't want to see this pattern continued.<br />
<br />
Anyways, ladies... Hang tough and I will keep you all in my prayers. I know it's not easy, but sometimes, sons like that, who don't appreciate their mothers, just need their *** kicked. Stop doing them favors, keep them out of your life. I know it hurts to, but it's not worth ruining yourself over. And there are other people who love you and cherish you. Just keep that in mind. Good luck!

Thank you susumu99 !!

Very well said susumu99. Blessings 2 u &amp; ur family. My family is going through same. It's hard &amp; heartbreaking. Thanks 2 u all 4 sharing. Blessings 2 every1.

Season's Greetings to you all,<br />
Just wanted to drop in and see how you were doing with your sons vis a vis the holidays. My 19 year old will be coming here on Christmas Day but no way have we returned to having a vital relationship. Our only contact has been through Facebook (and one text conversation initiated by me about a critical event). <br />
On Facebook I leave a very occasional comment on his posts and he hardly ever clicks "Like" on it, whereas he Likes anything his father puts on there. I decided yesterday that I'm going to stop even the few comments that I do. I have had it up to the eyeballs with the teenage rebellion all launched at my head ...I'm moving on into my future now **but will still be coming around from time to time to see how it's going for you.

My 19 year old son started having problems at 14 (drugs, truancy, etc.). Last year my husband left us - some of the reasons are due to my son's problems. Now my son is getting worse, into harder drugs and is verbally abusive towards me. He doesn't work or drive. I have told him to leave after a very bad fight and he refused. The final straw was a few days ago when he stole $300 from me which I needed to pay bills. When I confronted him, he started to get abusive so I called the police. Before the police came, my son left the house. The police said I have to go through the eviction process to get him out of my house, so I posted an eviction notice on his door. I hated doing that, but I feel like he has turned into someone who is not my son. He was a happy, outgoing child. Now, he is a stranger to me. I will probably always hope that someday he will grow-up and we can relate again, but right now I don't want to see him anymore.

I am crying with all these comments,I have a 14 yrs old that's already ignores me, shame of me,says that hates me. I am praying so hard, so when he reachs his 19, the hate will be gone.God please help us, I show love to him, I hug , I kiss , I prepare his meals, his laundry , drive him to sports pratices e games, go to church, I even changed the church denomination that I used to go, so I can enjoy the denomination that he feels confortable. God please i am pleading , I am hurt. I love my son,be in control,please,guide him , protect him of his own choices. Mother in dispair......

I'm so sorry to read these heartbreaking stories, Obviously, I'm experiencing much the same. Divorced, crazy EX, son won't listen. I'm afraid to lose him forever. I fear for his gf. What if he treats her like he treats me? There are good parts & bad parts. Overall he's a great kid, but I fear the genes from his dad may take over. Many well wishes to those, who are hurting.

Hi Folks<br />
It was my Birthday last Thursday, and I didn't get anything either! <br />
It makes me really sad because I raised my son alone after his dad left when he was just a baby. It's a cliche but although we didn't have much money we were always happy. Until about two years ago we had a really good realtionship and I thought he'd learned all the right lessons about responsibility, respect, consideration etc.<br />
Now I've been diagnosed with breat cancer and he's completely abandoned me, blocked my phone so I can't call him and won't have anything to do with me.<br />
It would be easier to understand if we'd argued or disagreed about something, but we haven't.<br />
I'm hoping it's just a phase and he'll be back to the lovely kid he used to be.<br />
Good luck to all you parents. It really is the hardest job there is!

Happy Birthday nijawhi !
And hang in there:
I just met with my other (older) son yesterday, who lives about an hour away. He had bought me a beautiful peridot necklace and earrings for my birthday (naturally I would have been just as happy with a handmade gift because it's sooooo not about money).
So it can get better.
Just an idea here:
it's possible that your son is acting this way because he is freaked out by the breast cancer and the idea that he might lose the only parent he really has. People react in puzzling ways at that age because so much is going on, as far as entering 'real life'.
I hope this is written okay because thunder is coming close so I'm kind of rushing now.
Warm wishes to you !

Thank you for your kind words Dehydra.
You must be so proud of your older son. I know it's not about the money. He's taken the time to chose you a gift that you'll love and cherish and you can't put a price on that.
I think you're right about my son. I just wish he'd realise that I might not be around for as long as I'd like, so we shouldn't waste time with this type of behavior.
I hope the storm passed quickly. Best wishes. N.

Hi Folks<br />
It was my Birthday last Thursday, and I didn't get anything either! <br />
It makes me really sad because I raised my son alone after his dad left when he was just a baby. It's a cliche but although we didn't have much money we were always happy. Until about two years ago we had a really good realtionship and I thought he'd learned all the right lessons about responsibility, respect, consideration etc.<br />
Now I've been diagnosed with breat cancer and he's completely abandoned me, blocked my phone so I can't call him and won't have anything to do with me.<br />
It would be easier to understand if we'd argued or disagreed about something, but we haven't.<br />
I'm hoping it's just a phase and he'll be back to the lovely kid he used to be.<br />
Good luck to all you parents. It really is the hardest job there is!

Hello to all of you; I just turned 56 today and my 19 year old son could not be bothered to send even an email, much less call me.<br />
<br />
I don't know why it should make me feel better to find you all here, feeling so similar to the way I feel, but it does. I recognize my situation in your desc<x>riptions so closely, even the part about how they have the great affinity with their father vs. their mother. I also feel very acutely for those women who are single while dealing with this.<br />
<br />
As for me,<br />
I'm the kind who gets sad ...and then mad. My ungrateful, cold-hearted son is going to notice tomorrow, wherever he is, that his cell phone service has been cut off. And I sure do hope that premature senility doesn't affect my memory when his birthday rolls around next time.<br />
Blessings to all of you,<br />
D.<br />
<br />
<br />

my son never called or texted me on Fri. for my bday either , my husband and I went to a nice dinner and there was a family sitting near us mom , dad , and grown son, then they brought her birthday dessert, and i thought i was going to lose it, made me sad , havent seen him for 2 months or talked to him, a few texts here and there thats it . he is at rock bottom now, I dont know why the kids now have such a sense of entiltlement . It is beyond me. good luck with moving on , we are trying also.

Happy Mutual Birthday, Mamagan !!

One thing which has really, REALLY helped for me is to look at the photos of my son (or listen to his messages on my voice mail which I saved from when he was on vacation with his dad at the age of 3, 4, 6, and so on) and point something out to myself:
That little boy, who seems vanished ...who seems dead even NOT the same person as my 19 year old son is now.
That little boy is alive in my heart, and nothing can take that away from me.

I thank God for photography and the recording technology which we have today; it would be quite a bit more difficult to frame things this way otherwise !
Warm wishes for you, and hopefully our sons will smarten up soon.

:( Happy Belated Birthday I HATED reading this! There is NO excuse for that!

see for me, looking at old pictures of when he was smiling and happy break my heart ...ALL I want in this life is for my son to be happy. NOTHING MORE

1 More Response

My son has not spoken to me for the last 10 years. It breaks my heart and sometimes I don't know whether or not I can carry on. He sees his Dad my ex who used to beat him when we were together and has a relationship with him.<br />
<br />
He made a dreadful accusation against me 10 years ago and said I had sexually abused him which was not true, the police did not even question me as he was not believed.<br />
<br />
He sees his sister occasionally my daughter and I am full of jealousy. I have tried so hard to be a good Mum. I am very close to my daughter but desperately want my son in my life too. Since I saw him last he has also come out.<br />
<br />
I have tried so hard to contact him and get him to see me but he won't. What can I do?

wow I found people in the same boat as me. I am heartbroken due to my 19 year old son. As soon as he turned 18 things started spiraling out of control. We were always close. He got the " Im 18 and can do what i want " mentality. We bought him a car to drive and insured it and a phone. ( he had a part time job)He used the car to stay away and the phone for everyone but to call or text us. My husband and I asked him to leave last summer because he didnt want to live with us and was using drugs , He had a girlfriend whose mother is an alcoholic and lets several kids stay there and smoke weed and drink. My husband let him take the car.I thought that was a huge mistake! We found out he was using it to get drugs and other kids were driving the car. In Oct last year he came back told us he was done living like that wasnt going to be a druggie broke up with his GF and wanted to go to college.He started college in Jan. and did great the first quarter, and got back with his GF.We paid for a second quarter and he failed 2 of 3 classes . Every night after his movie theater job hed say he had to go study with his GF.,I think they were just smoking weed. So June rolls around and he failed the classes, and only slept at our house 3 nights in the whole month. i told him around the end of june if he wanted to live here it meant living here which included sleeping here and participating occasionally with the family. If he wanted to live with his GF to go live there. I was tired of waiting up or thinking i heard him in the middle of the night , it wasnt fair. July rolls around and he didnt come home for 6 nights and got fired from his job.I told him as long as he is going to hang out at the GFs he must bring home the car and get his stuff. He dropped of f the car in the middle of the night and hasnt contacted us since.My heart is broken. he has a wonderful life here, and chooses her house, with no car , job ,ongoing drama, etc. My son is so talented at guitar and we have always encouraged him he was always nice and respectful before, its like hes a different person. So sad.Its almost like the GFs family has ruined our relationship . I will not pay for college again because he threw that away.and he has thrown his home here away. I found out that he applied for food stamps,and no one but the mother works in that household. UGH he could have everything here but chooses the GF and weed and drinking and chaos and drama instead.Crazy. I hope someday he gets his head straight. We love him so much.

wow I am in tears reading all of this because I relate so much! I'm sorry and you are a GREAT mother! OWN that and don;t let him make you think otherwise!

This is quite heartbreaking and baffling. It is completely beyond my understanding why young males would be this way especially to their moms. <br />
<br />
When my husband and I wanted to have kids after being married for over 7 years, we never thought it would be like this. Well, it's not like this for their father - only me. If I had known that the only thing I would receive after having our 2 sons & giving my life for them and unconditional love to them would be complete disrespect and distain, I don't believe I would have ever had kids. Why have kids who will have absolutely no love, compassion or respect for you as a mother? Are daughters like this as well? <br />
<br />
What a shame.

to broken 1969, I have no idea why your son acts like that. Their minds are warped. Maybe booze and drugs. I don't know what's wrong with them. I have no idea how to improve your relationship with your son. Can't you send him to college and get him out of the house? If not, did he graduate high school - then tell him it's time for him to leve. Tell him you will pay lst months down payment ona and apartment and pay for the first 2 months rent sio he can save up. But him a lot of food that he can cok himself. Show him how to do the laundry or leve him instructions. Help him move out and leave him alone. Just give up.

I have an 18 year old son who is mean..... there, I've said it! Here's my story...<br />
I am a 42 year old professional mother of and 18 year old son and a 15 year old son. I have always put them first...worked around their school schedule. Been married, happily, to their dad for 21 years. My kids are well fed, well dressed and have 2 parents with flexible enough work schedules that we are always there. Every ball game, hockey game, school meeting, before school, lunch and afterschool. <br />
But.... my 18 year old makes me cry everyday. I say "Good morning, honey" to which he replies "shutup" (if he acknowledges and speaks to me at all). I am scared to speak to him or request anything to him. I cook, clean, laundry for him because I am too scared to ask him to do it himself.. Actually, NO, I'm not to scared... I'm too broken.<br />
My 15 year old gets it to.. if his brother speaks to him at all... he always starts with "hey f*g... or know you're a F*@#ing loser. My husband (his Dad) does not get treated like this. When my husband is not home, it gets really bad. I am not scared of him physically, I know he'd never hit me, he prefers to break me down with words.<br />
He also has a girlfriends and has started to verbally abuse her as well. They've been together about 1 1/2 years and I noticed it start about 3 months ago. It breaks my heart, but I have told her to get rid of him. She's 18! She can not start her adult life like this!! Last night he picked her up to come to our house. After 2 mins he told her she was a stupid *****, he hated her and she should go home. I drove her and it breaks my heart. I live in this vortex of verbal abuse, but I do not want her in it with me. She's just a young girl.<br />
My husband and I have decided we are forbidding him to see her. It's all we can think of to do for her. <br />
The thing is, though, that outside of my home, he is an awesome young man. Polite, helpful, respectful. Well liked by everyone.<br />
so... why does he hate me so much?

I think they hate us because we get in the way of natural consequences...What person would let another adult live free, eat free, drive free and let them curse them out? Not many ppl. They would kick them out and let them find their way to manhood. I believe this is what they really want to do but don't know how to go about it. I was terribly sad about my son, I have about 10 new gray hairs around my hair line this year and my mother had 5 children and has fewer then me. I gained 40 pounds through the teen ordeal. Now I just lost 15 and rinsed my hair. I look much better, and I will continue on b/c I should happy and healthy. You were dedicated, you did your best. It's time you saw and tell for your 15yr old. Best wishes, this to shall pass.

I did not think I would find anyone that had the same problem as I do. Most of you have had a chance for your sons to grow up a few years. I hope all is better now. My son and I have the same exact problems. Today I am sitting still in my pj's and have been crying for an hour. I don't have any energy left to do what I need to do. I will try to take the advice of some of the comments, back off, give him space, and hope things will get better.

I was curious? It's been a year, are things better?

I don't have a son. I am the son. I think I'm gonna comment here probably from your son's perspective. I'm not here to bash parents. Haha. Don't get that idea.<br />
<br />
Lemme guess. It's kinda like "I raised my son since he was baby now it sucks to have him as a son when he and I were so close when he was still a kid" for you, huh?<br />
<br />
I'll admit. I kind'f feel what your son feels, 'cept that I don't have a girlfriend and I'm probably not as much of an a$s as yours is. I don't really like talking to my parents that much, mainly because I don't really see anything to talk about. My sister doesn't like talking to my parents because, well I have to admit it is true most of the time, it just ends in an argument, so she just shuts up. In my case, it just ends in a long sermon about morality and Christianity and how I should straighten out my life and how flawed I am. I hate the fact that my parents're so judgemental 'specially when they themselves have their own grease stains here and there.<br />
<br />
Parents and children have to find their common ground. I'm gonna want y'all to check out the other experience opposite this, the "I Hate My Parents" experience, and check out the stories, and maybe you'll find one that matches your situation with your kid. Heck, even check my recent story out, see what I wrote there about my parents.<br />
<br />
Why bother? 'coz this is one'f the few places in the internet when you can vent your guts out and no one'll care. The people there just let it aaaaall out, and, as I've said, maybe you'll find something similar to how your son could feel about you. "How would I know?" Oh you'll know. I'm pretty sure you will. Haha. <br />
<br />
And besides. This'll probably be the closest thing you've got to having your kids cry their eyes out on your shoulders. Might as well check it out, yeah?

I just wanted to thank you for your input. My son is 19 and has become especially distant from me since his dad's recent death. His dad did not take care of himself, ate fast food daily, maybe 2-3 times a day, and died of a series of heart attacks at the age of 45. I'm not in the best of health myself - I could stand to eat better, maybe even exercise a little, but I really don't think I'm at risk for a heart attack any time soon. Nevertheless, I think he thinks I'm headed in the same direction as his dad. Also, I've been in a relationship with a guy for a couple years who occasionally gets pretty verbally and emotionally abusive, and my son is disgusted with me for not getting out of it. It is coming to an end, though - we are parting ways in a couple of weeks. Anyway, it used to break my heart that he felt this way toward me, but I decided to let him live his life and I'll live mine and pray that eventually our relationship will be restored. So, again, thank you for your perspective on this mother-son standoff topic.

I can truly relate. My son is 19 and since he met his girlfriend over a year ago we hardly ever talk. When I ask him anything he looks at me like a fruit fly. He has broken my heart over and over again. There is no respect no nothing. He just looks at me with a blank stare every time I try and talk to him. My final decision was to send him to the Job Corps. Its a program for 16 to 24 year old kids they can get there GED a trade, their driver's license and a roof over their heads. I explained to my son that he had two choices... a shelter or the Job Corps. He has tried everything to back out of it, but I have had enough of his attitude and ignorance towards life. If he chooses to screw up this opportunity I have told him to keep going enough is enough. I love him dearly, but now I have to give him tough love before he becomes someones deadbeat boyfriend or husband. I hope this can help someone else who has a son that has lost appreciation for his mother and family.

When he is 30 years old he won't hate you anymore, but more than likely you'll be dead by then and never even know he likes you again. Just kick him out of the house, move, and not give him a forwarding address or phone number. You're not good enough to be his mom, then he's not good enough to be your son. **** him!

I can relate. My son wont answer my texts or calls. My heart breaks every day.

I'm in a similar situation. My son rarely answers my texts and calls. In the year since he's been in college, he has initiated phone conversations 3 times asking for money and that's it. My heart too is constantly broken.

...and it's Mother's Day with no happy wishes from him just grumpy on word answers to my questions:( This really sucks doesn't it?

Boy, this sounds just exactly what I'm going through with my son. He sees his Dad (my ex) who wasn't there for him whatsoever because he will party with him. I have nothing to offer him, so he had written me off. I try to text with him, but get 2 or 3 words back if I'm lucky. I have come to the point I've decided to tell him to just forget he has a Mom.<br />
<br />
I raised him and his brother alone... financially, emotionally, etc. I was there helping with school, scouting, karate, etc.... all the activities. Family vacations, etc. His Dad did nothing but offer a bad example in every way. He graduated HS and then decided he wanted to be a dink and "hang out". I told him that he had to go to school full time or move out on his own. He moved out and is struggling bad. But, he knows I'm not going to bail him out of his financial messes, since he is just spending his money partying and buying things he knows he cannot afford. I helped him get a good job with a company I used to work for. Outside of that, he's on his own. <br />
<br />
He completely ignores me. I have come to the point that it's so hard and heartbreaking, I just need to tell myself that I no longer have a son and mourn I guess. The fact is, I don't have a son, so don't come in telling me I do. We have ZERO relationship. He is selfish. I guess he's mad that I wouldn't let him live according to his rules in my house, so he is choosing to punish me. Fine. So be it.

this breaks my heart...I am going through something similar and it's so awful that I can't say "I'm happy I'm not the only one" because it sucks big's not forever.

I can feel your pain. I'm a dad who just had this happen as well. My son changed over night. its right before he turns 18. Literally like a light switch was thrown. Suddenly he hated me, wanted to move out of my house and refuses to talk to me at all. No texts, nothing. He's adopted and moved back in with his biological mom. She allows him to drink , smoke pot and bring his underage girlfriend over for sex. He has no curfew or responsibilities. I've been helping her out financially since he's moved in. Its hard to see a child that you've taken in, taken care of and done your best with do this. I'm learning to just let him go. It hurts each month that I give her money to take care of a child that hates me, but its the right thing to do I suppose. I just try and pretend that he doesn't exist anymore. I am going through the grieving process as if he died. Six weeks after hes moved out its sligthly better. I hope you both do well.

hoppecimo, I have been crying for almost 3 weeks . I am so sad and my heart is so heavy. My 19 yo hates me bc I caught him and his friend doing dope. I called the other kids mom. I did that because they both planned on driving. I couldnt face another mother to apologize after my son killed thier kid. I prevented them from getting in the car and driving. I took my sons car away, which is mine bc we all know parents pay for everything. He left and is living somewhere. He wont call us. He texts us but only to say he hates us. I am so sad. I work at a special ed dept at an elementary school and all I can do is cry. I was sad, then mad, then sad again. Is that how you felt?

I can relate, you've made him your world. It's time to move on - he is your son not your friend. If you give him space it will get better.

im sorry to say this but its just kids, back off give him space and just be there when he needs you. <br />
things will change in time. <br />
so just give him his space and wait for him to grow.

You and I are in the same boat. I'm a single mom and my only child is my 19 year old son. It's been the 2 of us most of his life. His dad and I weren't married and we split up right before he was born. He's never really known his father, or any other "father figure" other than the occasional boy scout leader or church youth group leader. And when he turned 12 he decided that scouts and church were lame so since then he's not had much in the way of a positive role model.<br />
<br />
That was the time when things started falling apart as far as our relationship. He started skipping school, became verbally and to an extent physically abusive towards me and ended up in the Juvenile Justice system. He has spent a total of about 4 years (not consecutively) in various lockdown facilities and remained on probation until he was automatically removed at age 19 in March. The sad thing is he is so smart he should have graduated high school with honors but, again, "school is a waste of time" and went for his GED instead. He was on probation for so many years not because he was breaking the law but simply because he kept violating conditions of his probation...stay in school, get a job, respect parents and follow household rules. Things like that.<br />
<br />
Although he does have some friends who I would say are really good decent people for themost part he chooses to run with total losers and he eagerly follows in his footsteps. Of course I learned a long time ago to keep my opinions to myself on that!<br />
<br />
I have always tried to be there for him, emotionally and financially. Until just the last couple of years he was my entire world pretty much. Almost everything I have done over the last 19 years has been for, with, or because of him. I have learned from him how to be more tolerant and accepting. When he came out as gay I was upset at first, but of course I would never have kicked him out or anything because of that. And eventually I decided I had to accept that that was who he is, or run the risk of losing him. Now it seems that all my sacrifices and changing my attitude on things was all in vain.<br />
<br />
I am the eternal optimist and always felt if I just hung in there things would get better between us. And we have had, or so it seemed, good periods where we got along and enjoyed each other's company. But looking pattern there is a pattern. When he needs something from me he "makes nice"; when his social life is in a slump or he has no money he "loves" hanging out with me because I'm such a "cool mom." When he has money and/or an active social life I'm an unimportant speck in his life.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong....I'm thrilled that he has a partner and lots of friends.....I just don't understand why he feels that since he has friends who needs family? Not just me.....his aunts and uncles who used to dote on him have stopped sending him Christmas or birthday gifts because he could never take the time to even acknowledge them. But I'm the one who is hurting the most. <br />
<br />
I"m also angry becAuse on the rare occasions that he does say he'll go to a movie or something with me, he'll cancel on me if he gets a better offer. And When I express my disappointment he gets defensive and becomes verbally abusive.<br />
<br />
He still lives here with me but of course he's never home (and that's normal I guess) except that he works a part time job but between the job and his partner and friends he doesn't have time to pick up afterhimself. Although he does have plenty of time to come home, shower, eat, and leave trails of messes for me to pick up. He doesn't pay rent, although I do ask him for anything on the light bill over $100....which so far he has had every excuse in the book not to pay since he got his job. <br />
<br />
So then tonight he tells me that as far as he's concerned we've never been close, and never will be. So why am I wasting my time and energy...and limited financial resources....on this kid who doesn't like me, doesn't need me, and sure as hell doesn't appreciate me???<br />
<br />
Of course most kids don't fully appreciate their parents until later in life but at his age he should to some extent at least. I still have regrets about the way I treated my mother and I wasn't half as hateful and hurtful towards her as my son is towards me. My brother's younger son was the same way and now he's in his 30s and they aren't estranged but they barely associate with each other. Whether my nephew will one day regret it remains to be seen, as does my son. But something tells me that he might never appreciate or acknowledge me as anything more than a piece of crap he had to tolerate in order to get a free ride. And it's breaking my heart.<br />
<br />
Geez I'm sorry for rambling on and on like this.....but good luck. I hope your son is one of the ones that come around eventually. I'm grateful that you have your husband there at home, that might eventually be able to bridge the gap between you and your son. God bless!

Quit feeling guilty about how you treated your mother. That has nothing to do with it. Cut him off and let him face the consequences without you feeling guilty. Save your sanity. He is an ungrateful, self-indulgent ***. Treat him as such. Let him feel pain and hurt from his decisions. Do not save him.